Friday, February 8
|
Its almost the start of my birthday in american eastern time.
Hello 2008.
Hello my 22nd year of life.
There are so many things I want to say and talk about I dont even know where to start. AT first I kind of want to bitch with whats going on with my life at the moment. but No. LEts not take that path just yet. Lets build this up:
For the good things in life.
I'm happy I knew Joey even if my childhood memory with her is pretty vague.
I'm happy I met Charissa, Kath and Fatima when I was grade 7.
I'm happy htat I met and became close friends with jopie no matter how short lived it was.
I'm happy I met Aurora, Greta and Erika when I was in 4th year high school.
I'm happy meeting with all of them during the summer and spending my time with them.
I'm happy that my parents are my parents. I'm happy that my family is my family. I'm happy my grandparents are my grandparents.
And I think that's how far my happiness goes.
When I came to america it became a bit weird. However, I was glad to explore philadelphia with Lauren. I was happy I over came Dan with Bizmark. I was happy I was a pseudo-intelectual with Jim. I was happy feeling nerdy with my nursing study group. I was happy I experienced improvising music with my violin with Dave's Guitar.
I'm happy with the people I met in america for a short while. Thats what I realized. I'd thank someone for the experiences of these alone. However, I dont want to relive that part of my life.
As for pratt, I feel like my life went on too fast. I've moved from circle to circle. from the people I met since orientation, then hanging out with nathan, then hanging out eith emi exploring new york, then hanging out with the kids of manga club, then hanging out with mel during finals, and then with kat and her gang.
I dont know if I have adhd or if I'm just never happy with the people I meet. Though its an experience meeting and being with them, I still feel like I'll never be satisfied with the company I'm provided with. Why? Because I get tired. It borders between honest similarites, forced laughs, and pushing myself to fit more into their circle and their type of personality.
I feel like I'm lying to myself more.
Though I always had the option of being by myself, I cant help bur feel pressured to say yes when they want to hangout with me. Its not my fault I'm so popular (haha I'm just kidding)
(kind of)
I dont know if maybe I'm different because I'm me, or I'm different because of my age. Or maybe I'm different because I'm not where I want to be. I'm not the senior multimedia student in CSB in the philippines hanging out and shopping with aurora, greta and erika.
I'm not that person. I'm a transfer freshman in pratt institute surrounded with kids who are mature and think they're mature but are still very naive. But I do admit are smarter than me. I'm not smart. I dont have a lot of common sense. I cant draw that well. I cant spell and I constantly abuse the engish language. I have no self control. I'm still foolish and easily teased and fooled. I'm not creative and I do not have a decent portfolio.
I tend to sit around wasting my time spacing out or looking at restaurant menus.
and I'll do admit more things.
I admit my lack of faith.
I admit my insecurities of not fitting but not wanting to fit in.
I admit my longing for my highschool years.
I admit my dissatisfaction of america and the days, weeks and months I spent and wasted.
I admit that I miss some people from way back when very much.
I admit that I dont think I'll ever grow up and I dont want to but I have to.
I admit I dont honestly, seriously have any attatchemnt to the people I'm hanging out with right now.
I admit I fake too many smiles.
I admit I fake too many laughs.
I admit I fake my gluttony.
I admit that I dont like anything that I've ever done.
and I admit that I am slowly losing myself to apathy and to something, or someone that isnt me.
Hello my 22nd year. I hope this one is a lucky one.
Labels: birthday, circles, college, contemplation, friends, school
Thursday, March 22
|
Bring out the fattened calf! I got in Pratt, bitches.
Yea.I got the news on a tuesday afternoon when I Was cramming my public speaking speach about Cramming.
I was so happy. I'm finally going to get out of this fucking state that is new jersey.
Well, I have to admit: at first, I kinda assumed that I can get into any school that I applied to, then I looked at my portfolio and realized what a crappy looking portfolio I had...
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAnd I lost all confidence afterwards.
Well, what can you do. Dudes, I've got until May to tolerate this shit.
...
Fatima: You've quite the social life i see. I dont suppose you're going to america any time soon? tespan is completely scattered. it compeltely feels like we've gone a long way from our "innocent" grade 7 days.
Aurora: I admit it. Kimi wa petto is awesome. However, matsu jun would have been gorgeous if he fixed those blasted eyebrows.
I love how his dramas have manga. It makes me think that he's a dorky little boy. aww. Dude. having a human pet is the shit. I can imagine running a business on it.
I do want to see bambino. I mean hot jap boy + food = awesome.
Erika: HEY! kimi wa petto. thats all I have to say. its revolutionary, I tell you.
My portfolio is crappy. dont look *tear*.
Dude. dont you jsut want to have shikimaru's children after that? He IS awesome. its so... boyish, yet manly. I'm torn.
WAIT I'm acutally for the kyouya/kaoru and hikaru/haruhi. because haruhi/tamaki is just weird. I mean, he treats her like a daughter. But I'm so inlove with kyouya. <3 he's soo... my type. <3
...
Naruto.
had a thing where, his little bro did a kagebunshin + sexy no jutsu. but this time, he transformed into two boys in a awesomely sexy position.
Sakura, I didnt know you were a yaoi fan. I hate you less.
But yes, it was a major supportive yell from masashi kishimoto to all the naruto yaoi fans, i guess, telling us its ok to imagine sasuke and naruto having hot gay sex.
yey <3
...
School... is becoming a bit of a problem. I hate public speaking class. not only do they not get my jokes, they are also compeltely... NORMAL. I'm surrounded by normal people. I want to cower in a corner and hiss at them.
(I'm not making sense)
...
Parental Ramblings:
My mom and dad just left us. There seems to be a lot of tention between me and my mom in the financial topic. get this:
she wants me to ask her for money if i want it.because I never do. I dont want to be always dependednt on my mom because independence for me means => getting out of the house => me not having to attend any more god-forsaken masses.
She doesnt like it when people pity me when I dont have money and treat me to food. She said I have no sense of pride.
Well, I told her that I didnt really care about my sense of pride.
and thats where we had a very passive agressive argument in Junior's over Strawberry shortcake-cheesecake.
Well, mom said that I'm trying to be difficult when I'm the one who never bothered her for and about ANYTHING.
=_= my dad's right. He has been under my mom's very righteous rule for a long time and he gave me a word of advice: "just nod your head and say, "yes, mom. I understand."
Labels: family, fangirlism, school
