Wednesday, April 13


I feel like I'm desperately looking for something.
but I dont know what it is.

Thursday, October 16


I was a bit upset with one of the statements that my friend said today when we ate out.

so there was a bunch of us eating in Castro's (a mexican restaurant across for our dorms). It was me, kiyomi, yui, anri, jean and mel. Towards the end when we were paying our bill, I realized that we were a bit lacking for the tip. I turned to Mel, who was paying for my share, and asked her, "Did we give our share of the tip?"

She gave a sharp "No." I said that in restaurants, you should at least give 15% of the tip. She said, it depends on some places. We're in Brooklyn, she said.

For some reason, I took offense to that. I think it shouldnt matter whether we're in brooklyn or not, this is still a person's salary. This is the waiter's salary. Because in america, waiters get less than $5 an hour because they're expected to rely on tip for their income.

I dont know. Maybe my thinking is in the wrong, but I was actually pissed when she said that. The waitresses were nice and attentive. They filled up our glasses and were patient to arrange the tables for our group.

With my calcualtions, we were supposed to give $1 for the tip, each. However, one of us, god bless her, gave 2 dollars instead of one because of someone's stinginess.

I mean, sure, I'm stingy myself. Thats why I barely go out in the first place. But still, you should at least appreciate the hard work of that person and be decent enough to tip them.


I know I havent posted that much. Thats because I never had a plenty of things to say. But I just want to say, hellu!

To those who know me and stumbled upon this after giving up on it, I'd like to apologize for not updating.

And I think the only person that can read this would be my brother, Justin. (Hellu!)

I'd like to say that in my Computer Graphics Major, my teacher said I was smart. He said I was not behind in class ----Far from it, in fact.

Though I feel so grateful for receiving such a compliment, deep in my heart I reject it. Even if I respect my teacher in the most honest to goodness sense.

Every time I write a code in processing, I feel stupider and stupider. I cant make it do what I want it to do. I never seem to succeed in my visions and my ideas. I cant control it.

It pisses me off.

I'm ok. I'm just pissed. I might die from havving high blood pressure (thanks, lola).

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Saturday, April 26


What was going to be in my deviantart:

11 more days till...

I leave.

This summer, I hope to be very prolific. Nothing like art school to kill your like (because its not love) for drawing. Same thing applies to my tiny hope of making comics.

I have been seriously slacking off. I wonder if foundation year is actually helping me draw better. or color better.

whatever. I will not think about drawing at the moment. I will think of more important things, like JAPAN. (rubs it on anyone-who-wants-to-go-there's face) booya (the buddah).

nostalgic moment: bubba the black sheep. hehehe.

I think i realized the reason why I have been pigging out. (( - _ - )) Aside from cause number 1 (which I feel not to reaveal because it sounds annoying), cause number 2 is becasue I feel stressed and pressured. Slowly, I'm thinking its ok to be a bit different and weird. (I'm 22 years old and I finally figured it out. wtf, mate)

The only reason why I can accept it now and not before was because, I realize that when you try to fit into some place where you think you belong, you end up getting easily pissed at everyone you're with. You become this bitter, angry, indifferent person with a bipolar-esteem.

I never knew it was so easy to drop some things in life. like, you know, PEOPLE. and specifically, you know, "friends."

wait. I'm sounding extremely bitchy right now. I think I'll move this to my blog. >_>;;

Ooo... bitchy much?

I think I'm the type of person who'd rather be alone than be with people who are cool but still tick me off. I dont think I've met a single person in america who hasnt ticked me off even once. (I'm sure I pissed them off too.)

well.. thats that.yea.

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Friday, February 8


Its almost the start of my birthday in american eastern time.

Hello 2008.
Hello my 22nd year of life.

There are so many things I want to say and talk about I dont even know where to start. AT first I kind of want to bitch with whats going on with my life at the moment. but No. LEts not take that path just yet. Lets build this up:

For the good things in life.
I'm happy I knew Joey even if my childhood memory with her is pretty vague.
I'm happy I met Charissa, Kath and Fatima when I was grade 7.
I'm happy htat I met and became close friends with jopie no matter how short lived it was.
I'm happy I met Aurora, Greta and Erika when I was in 4th year high school.
I'm happy meeting with all of them during the summer and spending my time with them.

I'm happy that my parents are my parents. I'm happy that my family is my family. I'm happy my grandparents are my grandparents.

And I think that's how far my happiness goes.

When I came to america it became a bit weird. However, I was glad to explore philadelphia with Lauren. I was happy I over came Dan with Bizmark. I was happy I was a pseudo-intelectual with Jim. I was happy feeling nerdy with my nursing study group. I was happy I experienced improvising music with my violin with Dave's Guitar.

I'm happy with the people I met in america for a short while. Thats what I realized. I'd thank someone for the experiences of these alone. However, I dont want to relive that part of my life.

As for pratt, I feel like my life went on too fast. I've moved from circle to circle. from the people I met since orientation, then hanging out with nathan, then hanging out eith emi exploring new york, then hanging out with the kids of manga club, then hanging out with mel during finals, and then with kat and her gang.

I dont know if I have adhd or if I'm just never happy with the people I meet. Though its an experience meeting and being with them, I still feel like I'll never be satisfied with the company I'm provided with. Why? Because I get tired. It borders between honest similarites, forced laughs, and pushing myself to fit more into their circle and their type of personality.

I feel like I'm lying to myself more.

Though I always had the option of being by myself, I cant help bur feel pressured to say yes when they want to hangout with me. Its not my fault I'm so popular (haha I'm just kidding)

(kind of)

I dont know if maybe I'm different because I'm me, or I'm different because of my age. Or maybe I'm different because I'm not where I want to be. I'm not the senior multimedia student in CSB in the philippines hanging out and shopping with aurora, greta and erika.

I'm not that person. I'm a transfer freshman in pratt institute surrounded with kids who are mature and think they're mature but are still very naive. But I do admit are smarter than me. I'm not smart. I dont have a lot of common sense. I cant draw that well. I cant spell and I constantly abuse the engish language. I have no self control. I'm still foolish and easily teased and fooled. I'm not creative and I do not have a decent portfolio.

I tend to sit around wasting my time spacing out or looking at restaurant menus.

and I'll do admit more things.

I admit my lack of faith.
I admit my insecurities of not fitting but not wanting to fit in.
I admit my longing for my highschool years.
I admit my dissatisfaction of america and the days, weeks and months I spent and wasted.
I admit that I miss some people from way back when very much.
I admit that I dont think I'll ever grow up and I dont want to but I have to.
I admit I dont honestly, seriously have any attatchemnt to the people I'm hanging out with right now.
I admit I fake too many smiles.
I admit I fake too many laughs.
I admit I fake my gluttony.
I admit that I dont like anything that I've ever done.
and I admit that I am slowly losing myself to apathy and to something, or someone that isnt me.

Hello my 22nd year. I hope this one is a lucky one.

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Thursday, August 23


Aurora: I completely love you and agree on your thinking. One girl is one year younger than me, the other is two.

they're... girls. and they're... white. I completely dont approve. I wish I went to SVA though. the crowd is dorkier. I'm a dork. I want more dorks! this place is to artsy and cool for me.

Fatima: I'm soooooooooo sorry. I planned on calling you when I was in the philippines then things just got hectic and then I ran out of time. eep! gomen! How's everything though? cool with school? you're graduating soon!

Oh my god. can I just bitch?

So we were gathering for the trip to china town, and while we were waiting for our guide, we were told to sit down. So it was me, this guy that looked familiar and this INCREDIBLY GOOD LOOKING GUY.

Ok. By INCREDIBILY GOOD LOOKING, I meant male but with nice delicate features, asian but not chinky, skinny, and definately not bad looking. Sadly he was kinda punk with a down baby mohawk (which was kind of cute) and he completely looked like he was half white and half japanese (like ken lloyd with a softer face and prettier eyes).

But here is what I was bitching about:

So the guy that looked familiar tried to strike up a conversation. and I ended up conversing with him, hoping that the bishie would join in. But that familiar looking guy was the same guy in the student scceptance day and I went all out with my geeky side---- completely talked about Heroes, video games and shite.

And then the bishie just stood up and left, and I was completely sad. (not really)

BUT ITS SO RARE!!! for me to see them, I mean. A guy that would perfectly fit my standards in looks. gasp! I feel sad. Its the second time in my life I've seen a guy appeal to me!!! ;_;

Well, he's in my school. but I'm sure I'll never see him again. and if I do, I wont do anything about it anyway. I'll just go to him and say, "dude. dont get piercings on your face. its a waste."

CHU! that ends my day.

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Tuesday, August 21


Oh. My. Gods.

Can I just say, how surprisingly awesome L'arc's latest album is?!

I know its a bit late for me to say it but, SHIT. I've been really worried about them lately because when their new singles were coming out, I didnt like it. Maybe its because I saw the video first or something. They're projecting an image that I wasnt used to. I'm used to them being the old larc. The slightly (more) gay larc.

But here I feel like, Their sound has grown up more. They're kind of playing on their strengths more often. Well, I was afriad of listening to their new album because I was afraid of hating it more. I mean, Smile was ok. I liked Ark and Ray.

Not like it matters anyway. L'arc has grown into an age thats harder for me to fangirl over. Maybe its because they're not that young anymore, nor are they rambunctious about things. (like arashi is)



They're fine so far. They're white. I could care less. They're completely bonding over with each other at the moment and I think the me not being involved part is a silent two way agreement.

but it just sucks. the feeling of being out in the loop. The floor I'm in is full of students in a satellite school of pratt. meaning that they all knew each other before hand.

and my neighbors are apparently people who love to party. which means, they'll be noisy for my whole first year.

I'm completely changing dorms when god can give me the chance.

Jesus Christ, why cant I have a personality reset? like be more sociable. or like people more? I'm full of anger or indifference or just fucking pissed.

I want privacy in my room. I mean, ugh. I cant describe it properly. like, sure I dont fit in school surrounded by artsy people who are "too-cool-for-school" and apparently 99.9% of the population is already like that. but I dont want that type of feeling in the only place where I'm supposed to be alone in. in the place where i fucking SLEEP.

ugh. so not in the mood.


Thursday, August 16


I’m uberly psyched.

So ended my two and a half month long vacation from the Philippines. It started on May 23 to Aug 11. It’s really bad for me to say this but, I can barely remember a thing. You all know how bad my memory is.

I remember some things though:
1. Tagaytay Highlands: The not very well done Tribal Music Video, were we had to share one sarong and we ended up dancing Arashi and Young Man in the end. But it was a very well lived trip to tagaytay. We had croquettes de jamon and brought home some sweet pineapple.

2. Trying to catch Aurora and Erika during their lunch breaks and dismissals. What do we do? Eat. That was a pretty long Bugong fest. I’m sick of seeing Paseo Center and Books for Less. Apparently me and Erika’s promise to “exercise” ended after 3 once a week sessions.

3. I barely remember Erika’s birthday. (Don’t kill me.) Wait wait wait. I think I remember it. We were watching a really bad subbing of HanaKimi and I don’t know what we did afterwards. I know there was food and I had to go home because I had to go to tacurong in the morning.

4. Tacurong was… pretty awkward. I think it was hard for me to make the most out of it because I didn’t know what to talk to my lola about and everyone was speaking ilonggo. Ukay-Ukaying was a disappointment.

5. BAGUIO ---was a disappointment. I was completely expecting ukay-ukay galore but no~. I had to attend the crummy inauguration of Sitel. (No offense, Sitel. Your site is wonderful and all but I had no purpose, nor right to be there. But I was there anyway and emphasis on the “against my will” part.) However, in the aftermath of baguio, my tita brought me a wonderful and delicious bottle of Ube Jam.

6. Anego was a happy spontaneous buy I made. I’m completely considering Jin’s potentiality. However, I still think that Aurora is right about him. He’s a cheap wanna-be of MatsuJun’s ore-sama-ness. But that “oh, I wish!” for the younger man has become stronger nearing creepy oba-san fanoldlady-ness levels.

7. 168 is the SHITE, baby.

8. Ukay Ukay shopping with Joey! She is the gorgeous sexy yoda of ukay ukay shopping in Manila. What can I say? She’s gorgeous.

9. I’m tired of eating japanese food---- especially sashimi. My dad has made me sick of it. Amazingly.

10. I had Mediterranean/Indian/Persian CRAVINGS! Oh I love that shit. Me and Indian food should have a marriage. It makes me go like crazy. Not really. Not really crazy. Replace crazy for the word “diarrhea.”

11. My cuz Ash-wood is a fangirl of Battle Star Galactica. I’m so happy there’s another fangirl in the clan.

12. Erika should eat more. I’m just saying.

13. HAH! HAH! HAH! I’m the SMART ONE. I’m Sho!
In Erika’s desire for sentai, we, Erika, Aurora, Greta, Prit and I, have assigned ourselves colors and numbers. And just the other day in Prit’s house, we discovered that Arashi had assigned colors in their Taiwan Concert. Thus, I will list down the equivalents of the corresponding colors:
a. Aiba = Green =Prit = Tallest and Sickly-est
b. Ohno = Blue = Erika = Shortest and Best Voice
c. MatsuJun = Purple = Aurora = …HAHAHAHA.
d. Nino = Orange = Greta = Boyish(?) and “PJ hajimete? Ah! Gomen. Private Jetto hajimete?”
e. Sho = Red = Moi = The SMART ONE and the butchiest.
However there seems to be occasional arguments about our assigned jap boy. Like, Erika’s stupider than me. And Aurora claims to be not MatsuJun-ish.

Whatever. I just want to say that Greta always hangsout with Erika but Erika is married to Prit, and I’m no where near that equation and Aurora is busy taking ego shots.

AND in my defense, Aurora had a digital camera WAAAY before I did. AND her veteran skills at ego shot-ness is perfected by PRACTICE. And *I* haven’t even had enough practice to reach that level.

Anyway. For some reason, I’m currently addicted to Arashi. I think its because I’m out of addictions. And Jap people are way more fun than American people.

However, what I fear most is that when I’ll be bored in my dorm, I’ll slowly start getting addicted to erika’s d-boys. Its scary that she gave me 17 gigs worth of D boys. Eep!

Well, Arashi fangirl update: I have moved from liking Matsujun to Nino to Sho and now to Ohno. Why? I guess it was the double attack of Utaban and AAA 3rd disc. There was a section of the disc where Ohno did his solo and his dance was just so awesome I had to watch it 5 more times. (except for that one part of the song where he just moved his hips, and for some reason I thought it was wrong. In an “I’m a guy and I feel like a gigolo” sort of way.)

Utaban though, I’m completely at awe on how he always pisses the younger host off. And how he’s all chummy chummy with the older host. I only saw one Utaban that was subbed but I want to see more of it. =x I’ll look around on crunchy roll and youtube. WOOT.

That was a pretty long post. I feel so lazy. I’m trying to do my own definition of “cleaning up” at home.

I’ll take my leave now. Most likely I’ll post again at my first day when I find out hoe to get the blasted internet there running and hopefully I can download. EEP!


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Grandpa & Jops
Death Cab Cutie
Chui & Iyreia