Saturday, April 29
|
Aurora: dude, can you believe. I had a period in my life when I havent had an interval between meals were 27 hours O_o;;
I just didnt feel like eating. dude. I'm super stressed. but I'm all about new zeland if we can burn orlando bloom to the ground.
I'm pathetic. I'm full of shit. hahaha! in short, I'm constipated. as always. you know what's the one thing I want most in the world? a nice colon. I'm serious.
Greta: Its true. religion IS about survival. thats kind of interesting. I never thought about it that way. well I kinda did, but when I came down to it, it would save my sanity if I just told my mom the truth. I dont like being a liar and continuously lie ("did you go to church?!")
I wouldnt be surprised if hitler was constipated. he's an artist turned dictator.
dude I'm like an awesome suitor. I think I'd make the perfect boyfriend if I ever thought of getting a sex change. but sadly, it'll be uber yaoi couplings. harhar.
excuse me! I think erika is clearly our property that we're too selfish to share. but pictures we can sell! I'm all for it.
Erika: people say I'm more violent when drunk. I think i swear more. I wasnt drunk I was just tipsy and let all the logic shut out of me.
I'm all about life altering decisions. thats what america is all about. it scars you to just have a life alterning decision.
dude. people are getting uber pissed off at me for forcing them into gay relations. its sad. I'm uberly deprived of my usual dose of gayity.
char: there was a cd? greta didnt get a cd, did she?
kuya: yea. financial independence in the philippines takes very long though.
...
we were discussing beavis and butthead:
flash: so do they show any of that in korea?
candalf: you're an asshole.
flash: wh--what?! what did I do?!
candalf: I'm from the fucking philippines, bitch.
nothing...
its just that, I get pissed off when people thinking im from SOMEWHERE ELSE!
and I have to defend my reason why I hate white people from them: "because they're white and I love to hate."
but it's sad though. I'm a supposed racist who has white friends. >_> what the hell?!! and apparently they have a plan to stop me from disliking white people.
but... they're WHITE. and they're my friends. what.. what the HELL?!
...
Silent Hill is apparently a pretty popular movie among the gamer circles. I'm just being dragged to it.
well, I told them I kinda didnt want to go. because watching horror movies makes me more afraid of the dark than i usually am. since I have a very active imagination.
because I'm easily scared, and people like laughing about it. its mean, but I got used to it. I think I'm a bit almost over my paranoia because I'm using a personal therapy to work with it.
a therapy that is heavily based on assumptions and bullshit. go me!
...
I have forced pretty boy alex to be my classmate. surprisingly he might be in all my classes. now, I'll try not to hook him up with a guy.
try. ...
and so this week was a hassle. I wanted to type abou it but I couldnt find the time to not slack around and hanging out with people instead of studying.
but if you guys are intersted to know. I dug a hole for myself in the dark and when morning came, i realized that the hole wasnt so deep and I felt stupid digging such a useless hole and I was extremely happy about that.
but since tuesday, a fated day that was april 25, I havent been able to eat properly nor sleep properly. since tuesday, I've only eaten once or twice (at most) a day and I've been only sleeping for 5 hours.
I assume that I have gotten a parasite from my friend. I'll kill him now.
and I realize that its ok to be horribly blunt. though some things are not to be said, I'd rather have it out of my chest and out there than keep it in and not get results.
because people are confusing. you dont know what they want. I dont know what they want. it helps to just clear the air out and know what your doing and why instead of suddenly being at denny's (a diner) at 2 in the afternoon and your friend dropping you off at school and looking at you like that person is expecting something from you, but you just leave and say bye.
that was descrpitive.
but if you're wondering what I'm doing, I'm just going with the flow. I'll try to see where it takes me and if the destination point sucks, the flow will have a pineapple up its ass.
you heard me.
and thanks to my friend lauren and aurora, my theme songs are:
1. car by built to spill
2. butterfly by asian kung fu generation
man, friday was such a tough day for me. I woke up earier than my alarm clock and called aurora with shaking hands.
friday, wasnt as big as i thought it would be. I'm happy. if it was, then it would have been the climax of my soap opera.
but if you want an idea of what happened: bob and I were hugging for a while in the stairwell and i was sobbing just a little. i felt so thankful and forgiven. ---------how dramatic can you get.
after that moment. I was so fucking drained of life, everything else was nothing but a blurred memory.
...
last night I was reminded about how a fan girl I was as I was oogling at the dashing and gorgeous face of miyavi. (google him)
I dont know whether I want to be a girl and do him, or be a guy and do him. he's a pretty little thing isnt he? with also a manly voice. not as manly as hyde's but manly enought to throw you off for a second.
and for a while I read some yaoi manga. I missed it. I missed being a perverted little ass. its been a while. I'm lacking lesbian and gay jokes--- its sad.
but hell, I'm being called awesome once in a while over here and I think i can live with that. still homesick about it though.
and
ohmygosh. yuki from larc cut his hair. its fucking ugly. hyde's hair is short and dyed golden brown. tetsu still looks like he got botox. (meeaaan~) and ken is just ken <3 I love that guy coz he never changes.
...
my hosue is a mess. everything is a mess. it's been a mess for quite a while. it pisses me off but I dont feel like doing anything about it.
I have two major tests next week and I dont feel like studying about it. I have two majoy finals the week after (at the same day) and I dont feel like studying about it. I want to be suspended in the midair of thought for a really long time because I dont know whats happening to me.
its an upsetting thing. its like watching a car crash in slow motion. sadly, I know what I'm suppsoed to be doing but I just lack the motivation to do it.
speaking of car crashes. I wonder if there's someone that can pick me up from lauren's house on a sunday night. I only have so few people that might be able to pick me up. i curse my inability to drive.
however this cursing will end soon. next week is may. my road test is coming soon. luck to me.
...
my finale is a scandalous quite of the week:
"thats so hot. I dont know if I'm wet or bleeding." hell yea. check that for imagery and perverted imagination, bitch.
Friday, April 14
|
char: sorry sweetie. my hotmail is gone for good. I havent updated it in a long time and it finally resetted itself.
navi: sweet. umm. most likely I can really go at it by mid may when I'm finally done with school.
aurora: haha thanks for the offer sweetie. but I'm fine. I'm pretty sure top shop can wait. maybe I'll get a job so that when I go back I can splurge. O_O can you imagine it?! are you still going to jersey?! I'm waiting~
I consider myself a coconut. ^_^ brown on the outside and white on the inside. I'm very awesome.
depends. I like spam when Its thin and crispy. ^_^ i dont like it when its fat and soggy. same way with bacon too ^_^
...
and so I'm back in america.
bitching.
most of me wishes i stayed longer and got to enjoy my company even more and visited the people I wanted to visit but apparently I didnt have enough time. and hell, I guess I can only ask for so much. but, I have experienced a full range of emotions there. from uber happy to uber pissed. and my little skit after the traffic officer got my license.
but god knows. It could have been worse.
my sister's wedding was pretty awesome. I heard that my speech was better than the best man. it better be because I was paid for it. BWAHAHAHAHA! I think that made the wedding worth while.
a little wine goes a long way apparently. and my alcohol tolerance is pretty low.
my mom told me that my tita's were surprised by my speech. because they mostly know me as the kid who sits in the corner during family parties and doesnt talk to anyone.
Its not that I cant. its that I wont.
Everyone was as funny, weird, nice and a racist as I remember. everything was fun. I was very happy. thank you!
...
its holy week this week and apparently, my ignorant self has made a big boo boo on my mom.
I told her I'm agnostic right and she called me last night to see if I went to mass. I said I didnt, because I'm agnostic.
later on jobert kinda got pissed at me and told me that I should have lied to her and told her i did. and said something about me being stupid follwing my morals.
now I'm really confused. Though I would usually be a happy person by following what I believed in. now I am confused if I'm allowed to have morals and follow them or if Its just the religion thing I'm supposed to lie about.
I kinda had a hard time thinking about it last night and it bothered me. should I wait till I have a job before I can finally not go to church?
am I back to square one? I was pretty upset that my mom didnt take my "agnosticicsm" (how ever you spell that crap of a word) seriously. I'm not about religion. in all honesty, I dont fucking care what you lable me as. though I slightly find the title Heretic appealing and so rebellious.--------- point is that I dont think I should practice something that I dont find meaning or purpose in. and for me that's my case. not to insult anyone or anything.
this is about me. not you. this is my blog. not yours. this is my opinion about how i should live my life. and you can criticise it but you cant say its right or wrong because its an OPINION. you hear that patricia cancio? OPINION. FREEDOM OF FUCKING SPEECH. get that in your fucking dictionary.
ok. maybe THAT part was meant to insult someone. but I've had a mole in my back called patrica cancio that I've been itching to scratch since I saw the crap job of a year book that we had.
"we're the first ones with the colored year book, we also have a CD. thats why its taking two years to finish." bull-mother fucking-shit. the design was crappy and I'm not the only one who is completely disappointed. and no one is surprised that you took some of the money from the funds and fled off to europe with it.
thats what i hear. and I admit that I believe in the unreliable second-- or maybe 5th-- source of information which sounds so believeable, not to mention predictable, to my ears.
...
my white white friend lauren told me that she had measles. the day later she was admitted in the hospital, she just had an allergic reaction to something.
that took a while.
It reminded me of the time when I had measles which I choose not to dwell upon because I was a bitter, bed ridden, teenager who just bore the discovery for angst.--- in short, a pussy.
but on to the movies of the friday.
friday is now considered movie day. and I'm very happy. because I hardly got to watch any movies for a really long time. thus yesterday, I watched scary movie 4 and anchorman. and I'm pretty sure that I would have liked anchorman more if there were subtitles and people were talking less.
thursday, in the philippines was lesboday. but this thursday was apprently "skinny white boys wear shorts day" which was I think a conspiracy.
because I'm not used to people wearing shorts. strangely. because I have 3 brothers. I dont know. its just ...weird. I'm just too used to people wearing pants in the winter then. come summer everyone will be wearing shorts and I might be the only one left wearing pants because I refuse my legs to exist soley on its own.
I'll wear a skirt then. a long one at that. I do love the draft in hot weather.
...
I would love to tattle on and on, especially about the current chapters of naruto, but apparently this jewish dish that I ate from a jewish friend is giving me the bowels.
he did mention that I will paint the walls of my bathroom with my shit if I eat it. I thought of it as a good thing because... I'm constipated. I love telling people I'm constipated. I dont know why. they have this disgusted reaction that pleases me. same thing about yaoi. BWAHAHAHAHA!!!
I'm weird.
Monday, April 3
|
Navi: thanks for the educational article. I cant believe that even if I knew what to do i cant do it because I dont have the time.
I curse trying to have a social life getting in the way.
But I'm pretty sure I'm going the right track. come summer. I swear to god, I'll make my first comic/issue. and I'm pretty sure your offer is still up, yes?
Erika: you're amazing. I'm so happy you're trying to keep up with me. all the sudden I just kept on feeling like typing and shite.
and I'm all for the V for vendetta electronic variety. I mean, thats where i first read Endless Nights-- and then i got the book.
I love avenue Q. my sister is trying to book a show for me but we never have the time =D I'm le excited for it.
oh erika. well, I do like a white person. and that's you. *burn* BWAHAHAHA!! its funny cause you're white.
Aurora: balldate ;_; I thought... I thought you'd stick by me amongst all people!!
agree that love must be reserved for the fictional. except for you guys. you're so hot, you're real.
I curse horrible timing. I will see you soon and we will celebrate with alcohol, food and pretty
gay boys.
Joey: GASP! I LOVE BOTH!!! i think... uhh... depends what brownies you're making. =O but I'm on a diet! CURSES!!
...
I have told greta the soap opera that is my life. and I will tell you guys when I get back home. I'll tell you about it mostly because: I dont know how it happened, it just did, and it all happened so fast, so I dont really know anything anymore.
but damn you for your horrible idea that I will have a "white love life." Apparently, I'm the only one in that table who didnt date, have a relationship and/or chase anyone in the table.
because you know what, my standards are just fucking high. so high that no mere human can achieve it. and thats where anime comes along.
but yes. bob is a sweet heart. I'm so happy we're such good friends and he forgives my racistness.
however, there are always racist jokes being thrown around and its really funny. one time, bob called his dad because we were planning to stay over at his house to watch him play kingdom hearts II.
bob: dad, can I have my friends over?
dad: who are you bringing?
bob: an asian, a jew and a black guy.
and it was funny.
I felt like the united nations. though sometimes I dont know what I'm doing hanging out with them since I cant relate to what most of them are saying. the only time I have ever been active in a conversation is when we were discussing naruto.
because naruto is my imaginary kid. <3
and so there were a couple of things that I got pissed off with. one guy said that I was a twinky and the other said that I was the most americanized asian they know. also that philippines isnt considered asian.
and that's when I started violently attacking everyone.
but then again, why would i want to be paired up with the chinese and japanese? so I guess its better.
josh: philippines isnt technically asian. I think its considered asia minor
bob: but she's 20.
-2 days later-
candalf: holy fuck! I got the joke!
...
and so I am supposed to go to the university of philadelphia open house today to check out my future major of multimedia. but the thing is, I didnt go because:
1. the guy who's going with me cant go because he's poor. (fuck! I'm not going there alone! surrounded by these posh indie kids with better talent than me and then I'll reflect on how much I'll suck and I'll lack the courage to actually go in multimedia.)
2. I woke up too late for the registration to get in.
fuck.
...
and so new jersey has a popular "the shore." which is mostly a board walk and crowds of people.
I dont know why people go there considering the shore's beach is awefully dirty.
because awefully dirty can mostly equal to stinkly ala manila bay.
and all new jersey people flock there during summer to drink and dance. and people who invite me to go with them, I will be as i was even before i came here, "
hell no."
I dislike the sun and beach. I dislike swimming and walking on sand. I dislike majority of social gatherings: conventions, parties and what nots. unless there is free food and there are one or two people I know that dont mind me clinging to them.
and so my quote of yesterday. "I like produce junction because they have pears. I like pears because they make me go."
I have been going on a rampage and quoting myself recently because I am just saying the weirdest things in public. though I'm actually getting better at censoring myself.
however, people's blantantness seems to be rubbing off on me. because they have such awesome character, I begin to admire them and aspire to be like them just in a small certain way.
just like the time we were driving and we made contact with this girl in skimpy clothing in the sidewalk. and bob, made a low almost singing "SLUT~" very loudly and cleary with the windows down and I'm 100% sure she heard it.
and it cracked me up. I wish i had the guts to do stuff like that. I curse my instinct to lean to fear.
...
oh yes. I talk about bob a lot because he's fucking funny. and if you met a funny guy, you'd talk about him too.
...
dudes.
I had the most awesome high-five known to mankind. the sound echoed throughout the empty cafeteria and my hand still burns.
