Main bloggy thingy

2011-04-13T09:28:00.001-07:00

I feel like I'm desperately looking for something.
but I dont know what it is.

2008-10-16T18:47:00.000-07:00

I was a bit upset with one of the statements that my friend said today when we ate out.

so there was a bunch of us eating in Castro's (a mexican restaurant across for our dorms). It was me, kiyomi, yui, anri, jean and mel. Towards the end when we were paying our bill, I realized that we were a bit lacking for the tip. I turned to Mel, who was paying for my share, and asked her, "Did we give our share of the tip?"

She gave a sharp "No." I said that in restaurants, you should at least give 15% of the tip. She said, it depends on some places. We're in Brooklyn, she said.

For some reason, I took offense to that. I think it shouldnt matter whether we're in brooklyn or not, this is still a person's salary. This is the waiter's salary. Because in america, waiters get less than $5 an hour because they're expected to rely on tip for their income.

I dont know. Maybe my thinking is in the wrong, but I was actually pissed when she said that. The waitresses were nice and attentive. They filled up our glasses and were patient to arrange the tables for our group.

With my calcualtions, we were supposed to give $1 for the tip, each. However, one of us, god bless her, gave 2 dollars instead of one because of someone's stinginess.

I mean, sure, I'm stingy myself. Thats why I barely go out in the first place. But still, you should at least appreciate the hard work of that person and be decent enough to tip them.

...

I know I havent posted that much. Thats because I never had a plenty of things to say. But I just want to say, hellu!

To those who know me and stumbled upon this after giving up on it, I'd like to apologize for not updating.

And I think the only person that can read this would be my brother, Justin. (Hellu!)

I'd like to say that in my Computer Graphics Major, my teacher said I was smart. He said I was not behind in class ----Far from it, in fact.

Though I feel so grateful for receiving such a compliment, deep in my heart I reject it. Even if I respect my teacher in the most honest to goodness sense.

Every time I write a code in processing, I feel stupider and stupider. I cant make it do what I want it to do. I never seem to succeed in my visions and my ideas. I cant control it.

It pisses me off.

I'm ok. I'm just pissed. I might die from havving high blood pressure (thanks, lola).

2008-04-26T13:30:00.000-07:00

What was going to be in my deviantart:

11 more days till...

I leave.

This summer, I hope to be very prolific. Nothing like art school to kill your like (because its not love) for drawing. Same thing applies to my tiny hope of making comics.

I have been seriously slacking off. I wonder if foundation year is actually helping me draw better. or color better.

whatever. I will not think about drawing at the moment. I will think of more important things, like JAPAN. (rubs it on anyone-who-wants-to-go-there's face) booya (the buddah).

nostalgic moment: bubba the black sheep. hehehe.

I think i realized the reason why I have been pigging out. (( - _ - )) Aside from cause number 1 (which I feel not to reaveal because it sounds annoying), cause number 2 is becasue I feel stressed and pressured. Slowly, I'm thinking its ok to be a bit different and weird. (I'm 22 years old and I finally figured it out. wtf, mate)

The only reason why I can accept it now and not before was because, I realize that when you try to fit into some place where you think you belong, you end up getting easily pissed at everyone you're with. You become this bitter, angry, indifferent person with a bipolar-esteem.

I never knew it was so easy to drop some things in life. like, you know, PEOPLE. and specifically, you know, "friends."

wait. I'm sounding extremely bitchy right now. I think I'll move this to my blog. >_>;;

Ooo... bitchy much?

I think I'm the type of person who'd rather be alone than be with people who are cool but still tick me off. I dont think I've met a single person in america who hasnt ticked me off even once. (I'm sure I pissed them off too.)

well.. thats that.yea.

2008-02-08T19:55:00.001-08:00

Its almost the start of my birthday in american eastern time.

Hello 2008.
Hello my 22nd year of life.

There are so many things I want to say and talk about I dont even know where to start. AT first I kind of want to bitch with whats going on with my life at the moment. but No. LEts not take that path just yet. Lets build this up:

For the good things in life.
I'm happy I knew Joey even if my childhood memory with her is pretty vague.
I'm happy I met Charissa, Kath and Fatima when I was grade 7.
I'm happy htat I met and became close friends with jopie no matter how short lived it was.
I'm happy I met Aurora, Greta and Erika when I was in 4th year high school.
I'm happy meeting with all of them during the summer and spending my time with them.

I'm happy that my parents are my parents. I'm happy that my family is my family. I'm happy my grandparents are my grandparents.

And I think that's how far my happiness goes.

When I came to america it became a bit weird. However, I was glad to explore philadelphia with Lauren. I was happy I over came Dan with Bizmark. I was happy I was a pseudo-intelectual with Jim. I was happy feeling nerdy with my nursing study group. I was happy I experienced improvising music with my violin with Dave's Guitar.

I'm happy with the people I met in america for a short while. Thats what I realized. I'd thank someone for the experiences of these alone. However, I dont want to relive that part of my life.

As for pratt, I feel like my life went on too fast. I've moved from circle to circle. from the people I met since orientation, then hanging out with nathan, then hanging out eith emi exploring new york, then hanging out with the kids of manga club, then hanging out with mel during finals, and then with kat and her gang.

I dont know if I have adhd or if I'm just never happy with the people I meet. Though its an experience meeting and being with them, I still feel like I'll never be satisfied with the company I'm provided with. Why? Because I get tired. It borders between honest similarites, forced laughs, and pushing myself to fit more into their circle and their type of personality.

I feel like I'm lying to myself more.

Though I always had the option of being by myself, I cant help bur feel pressured to say yes when they want to hangout with me. Its not my fault I'm so popular (haha I'm just kidding)

(kind of)

I dont know if maybe I'm different because I'm me, or I'm different because of my age. Or maybe I'm different because I'm not where I want to be. I'm not the senior multimedia student in CSB in the philippines hanging out and shopping with aurora, greta and erika.

I'm not that person. I'm a transfer freshman in pratt institute surrounded with kids who are mature and think they're mature but are still very naive. But I do admit are smarter than me. I'm not smart. I dont have a lot of common sense. I cant draw that well. I cant spell and I constantly abuse the engish language. I have no self control. I'm still foolish and easily teased and fooled. I'm not creative and I do not have a decent portfolio.

I tend to sit around wasting my time spacing out or looking at restaurant menus.

and I'll do admit more things.

I admit my lack of faith.
I admit my insecurities of not fitting but not wanting to fit in.
I admit my longing for my highschool years.
I admit my dissatisfaction of america and the days, weeks and months I spent and wasted.
I admit that I miss some people from way back when very much.
I admit that I dont think I'll ever grow up and I dont want to but I have to.
I admit I dont honestly, seriously have any attatchemnt to the people I'm hanging out with right now.
I admit I fake too many smiles.
I admit I fake too many laughs.
I admit I fake my gluttony.
I admit that I dont like anything that I've ever done.
and I admit that I am slowly losing myself to apathy and to something, or someone that isnt me.

Hello my 22nd year. I hope this one is a lucky one.

2007-08-23T19:27:00.001-07:00

Aurora: I completely love you and agree on your thinking. One girl is one year younger than me, the other is two.

they're... girls. and they're... white. I completely dont approve. I wish I went to SVA though. the crowd is dorkier. I'm a dork. I want more dorks! this place is to artsy and cool for me.

Fatima: I'm soooooooooo sorry. I planned on calling you when I was in the philippines then things just got hectic and then I ran out of time. eep! gomen! How's everything though? cool with school? you're graduating soon!

Oh my god. can I just bitch?

So we were gathering for the trip to china town, and while we were waiting for our guide, we were told to sit down. So it was me, this guy that looked familiar and this INCREDIBLY GOOD LOOKING GUY.

Ok. By INCREDIBILY GOOD LOOKING, I meant male but with nice delicate features, asian but not chinky, skinny, and definately not bad looking. Sadly he was kinda punk with a down baby mohawk (which was kind of cute) and he completely looked like he was half white and half japanese (like ken lloyd with a softer face and prettier eyes).

But here is what I was bitching about:

So the guy that looked familiar tried to strike up a conversation. and I ended up conversing with him, hoping that the bishie would join in. But that familiar looking guy was the same guy in the student scceptance day and I went all out with my geeky side---- completely talked about Heroes, video games and shite.

And then the bishie just stood up and left, and I was completely sad. (not really)

BUT ITS SO RARE!!! for me to see them, I mean. A guy that would perfectly fit my standards in looks. gasp! I feel sad. Its the second time in my life I've seen a guy appeal to me!!! ;_;

Well, he's in my school. but I'm sure I'll never see him again. and if I do, I wont do anything about it anyway. I'll just go to him and say, "dude. dont get piercings on your face. its a waste."

CHU! that ends my day.

2007-08-21T19:05:00.000-07:00

Oh. My. Gods.

Can I just say, how surprisingly awesome L'arc's latest album is?!

I know its a bit late for me to say it but, SHIT. I've been really worried about them lately because when their new singles were coming out, I didnt like it. Maybe its because I saw the video first or something. They're projecting an image that I wasnt used to. I'm used to them being the old larc. The slightly (more) gay larc.

But here I feel like, Their sound has grown up more. They're kind of playing on their strengths more often. Well, I was afriad of listening to their new album because I was afraid of hating it more. I mean, Smile was ok. I liked Ark and Ray.

Not like it matters anyway. L'arc has grown into an age thats harder for me to fangirl over. Maybe its because they're not that young anymore, nor are they rambunctious about things. (like arashi is)

...

[Roomaties]

They're fine so far. They're white. I could care less. They're completely bonding over with each other at the moment and I think the me not being involved part is a silent two way agreement.

but it just sucks. the feeling of being out in the loop. The floor I'm in is full of students in a satellite school of pratt. meaning that they all knew each other before hand.

and my neighbors are apparently people who love to party. which means, they'll be noisy for my whole first year.

I'm completely changing dorms when god can give me the chance.

Jesus Christ, why cant I have a personality reset? like be more sociable. or like people more? I'm full of anger or indifference or just fucking pissed.

I want privacy in my room. I mean, ugh. I cant describe it properly. like, sure I dont fit in school surrounded by artsy people who are "too-cool-for-school" and apparently 99.9% of the population is already like that. but I dont want that type of feeling in the only place where I'm supposed to be alone in. in the place where i fucking SLEEP.

ugh. so not in the mood.

2007-08-16T10:19:00.001-07:00

I’m uberly psyched.

So ended my two and a half month long vacation from the Philippines. It started on May 23 to Aug 11. It’s really bad for me to say this but, I can barely remember a thing. You all know how bad my memory is.

I remember some things though:
1. Tagaytay Highlands: The not very well done Tribal Music Video, were we had to share one sarong and we ended up dancing Arashi and Young Man in the end. But it was a very well lived trip to tagaytay. We had croquettes de jamon and brought home some sweet pineapple.

2. Trying to catch Aurora and Erika during their lunch breaks and dismissals. What do we do? Eat. That was a pretty long Bugong fest. I’m sick of seeing Paseo Center and Books for Less. Apparently me and Erika’s promise to “exercise” ended after 3 once a week sessions.

3. I barely remember Erika’s birthday. (Don’t kill me.) Wait wait wait. I think I remember it. We were watching a really bad subbing of HanaKimi and I don’t know what we did afterwards. I know there was food and I had to go home because I had to go to tacurong in the morning.

4. Tacurong was… pretty awkward. I think it was hard for me to make the most out of it because I didn’t know what to talk to my lola about and everyone was speaking ilonggo. Ukay-Ukaying was a disappointment.

5. BAGUIO ---was a disappointment. I was completely expecting ukay-ukay galore but no~. I had to attend the crummy inauguration of Sitel. (No offense, Sitel. Your site is wonderful and all but I had no purpose, nor right to be there. But I was there anyway and emphasis on the “against my will” part.) However, in the aftermath of baguio, my tita brought me a wonderful and delicious bottle of Ube Jam.

6. Anego was a happy spontaneous buy I made. I’m completely considering Jin’s potentiality. However, I still think that Aurora is right about him. He’s a cheap wanna-be of MatsuJun’s ore-sama-ness. But that “oh, I wish!” for the younger man has become stronger nearing creepy oba-san fanoldlady-ness levels.

7. 168 is the SHITE, baby.

8. Ukay Ukay shopping with Joey! She is the gorgeous sexy yoda of ukay ukay shopping in Manila. What can I say? She’s gorgeous.

9. I’m tired of eating japanese food---- especially sashimi. My dad has made me sick of it. Amazingly.

10. I had Mediterranean/Indian/Persian CRAVINGS! Oh I love that shit. Me and Indian food should have a marriage. It makes me go like crazy. Not really. Not really crazy. Replace crazy for the word “diarrhea.”

11. My cuz Ash-wood is a fangirl of Battle Star Galactica. I’m so happy there’s another fangirl in the clan.

12. Erika should eat more. I’m just saying.

13. HAH! HAH! HAH! I’m the SMART ONE. I’m Sho!
In Erika’s desire for sentai, we, Erika, Aurora, Greta, Prit and I, have assigned ourselves colors and numbers. And just the other day in Prit’s house, we discovered that Arashi had assigned colors in their Taiwan Concert. Thus, I will list down the equivalents of the corresponding colors:
a. Aiba = Green =Prit = Tallest and Sickly-est
b. Ohno = Blue = Erika = Shortest and Best Voice
c. MatsuJun = Purple = Aurora = …HAHAHAHA.
d. Nino = Orange = Greta = Boyish(?) and “PJ hajimete? Ah! Gomen. Private Jetto hajimete?”
e. Sho = Red = Moi = The SMART ONE and the butchiest.
However there seems to be occasional arguments about our assigned jap boy. Like, Erika’s stupider than me. And Aurora claims to be not MatsuJun-ish.

Whatever. I just want to say that Greta always hangsout with Erika but Erika is married to Prit, and I’m no where near that equation and Aurora is busy taking ego shots.

AND in my defense, Aurora had a digital camera WAAAY before I did. AND her veteran skills at ego shot-ness is perfected by PRACTICE. And *I* haven’t even had enough practice to reach that level.

…

Anyway. For some reason, I’m currently addicted to Arashi. I think its because I’m out of addictions. And Jap people are way more fun than American people.

However, what I fear most is that when I’ll be bored in my dorm, I’ll slowly start getting addicted to erika’s d-boys. Its scary that she gave me 17 gigs worth of D boys. Eep!

Well, Arashi fangirl update: I have moved from liking Matsujun to Nino to Sho and now to Ohno. Why? I guess it was the double attack of Utaban and AAA 3rd disc. There was a section of the disc where Ohno did his solo and his dance was just so awesome I had to watch it 5 more times. (except for that one part of the song where he just moved his hips, and for some reason I thought it was wrong. In an “I’m a guy and I feel like a gigolo” sort of way.)

Utaban though, I’m completely at awe on how he always pisses the younger host off. And how he’s all chummy chummy with the older host. I only saw one Utaban that was subbed but I want to see more of it. =x I’ll look around on crunchy roll and youtube. WOOT.

That was a pretty long post. I feel so lazy. I’m trying to do my own definition of “cleaning up” at home.

I’ll take my leave now. Most likely I’ll post again at my first day when I find out hoe to get the blasted internet there running and hopefully I can download. EEP!

Itsutekimasu!

2007-07-04T02:48:00.000-07:00

Along with the insane amount of excitement I have to go to my new school, I have a bit of anxiety in me about my major.

Obviously I've ranted about my Major dilemma for a while. Oh. I think I also have a "oh my god, I'm going to have two room mates" anxiety.

After re-reading hanakimi, I got excited for a roommate. but then the excitement faded when the thought of sharing my things with strangers popped in my mind. That and this whole new "diet" I'm trying that the doctor promised to relieve me about my perpetual constipation problems.

Sigh. Theres so much shite to be done. Well. I feel guilty that I'm typing this all half-assed. But I'm not really in the mood for blogging. maybe when I go back to the americas and bitch about how suchy college is and how old I am, I'll continue blogging again (but in sad sad sad emo mode)

well. yea. whatever.

2007-06-02T19:19:00.000-07:00

[Naruto with SPOILERS]

Oh dearest Kabuto. You're fucking creepy now. you're creepier than me, fangirl wise. your obsession with orochimaru has scared me, honestly. I mean, you're such a pretty little smart boy and look now. you've... made your face ugly by making it 1/4 orochimaru's.

ew.

get a fucking life.

with much love, Candalf.

Jappy Jappy Boys

Obviously, they have sparked my obsession to dance. More specifically, dance like a happy happy and bishie jap boy. *le sigh*

thats it. I'm passing this obsession to my future son. Dear son, you better be dancing bishie with the bitchiness of Matsujun.

But I both curse and bless aurora for the wonderful (and strange) exposure to the JE community.

On my defense, I DONT KNOW ALL THE KAT TUN MEMBERS, THEIR HISTORY, THEIR TRIVIA, THEIR WHOLE NAMES!! so its all you, my dear. not me.

I am not really a JE fan. well, not compared to aurora. I just love small sigments of it. The gayness, the potential yaoi pairings, the dancing and of course, the hotness. but for everything else, kind of-sort of-not really.

I mean, I still love my j-indie music (because they're not really "rock" are they? nor pop) I love their music but not really care about their image. L'arc en ciel was the last band I was completely obsessed with. I mean a whole two years running.

and right now, I can really care less about what they do. Especially with their new album, I could really care less about it. I liked them before and not much now.

I missed being an obsessed fangirl.

lets see. Music for me has been,

Kinder 3: The Carpenters
grade 1 and 2: Disney (so would every girl)
grade 5 to 7: Anime Music
grade 7 to 1st year: Anime and Weiss
2nd year to 4th year: Alternative and L'arc en ciel
3rd Year to Current: VGM
1st year College to Current: Indie, Funk

[Current Status]
When: Sunday
Where: Alexa's Deli (across my house in Makati, Philippines)
Why: Free WiFi?
Drinking: Iced Caramel Macchiato

Todays Agenda: Church and being lazy

Recent Problem: Over Eating
Recent Irk: Kabuto became insanely ugly
Recent Realization: The older I get, the shallower I become
Recent Accomplishments: Tagaytay and Music Video
Recent Thanksgivings: that I have friends as racial and bitchy as me, and I have parents who can take care of me.

Projects: Mom's Brochure and my grandfathers book. Apparently, my mom and dad arent seeing me eye to eye about the book's slight make over.

[Tagaytay]
Was uber fun-iture. We ate plenty, the marinara and the croquete de jamon was soooo good. The cable car was slow and everyone thought it was the fun-icular.

There were foreigners about. It was hard to make korean jokes considering they were kind of all over the place and we had one continuously staring at our direction. It was annoying.

Aurora was mad at me for deleting pictures of her.
Greta was a bit disappointed at the lack of swimming.
Erika was irked at the way I suck at playing table tennis because I seem to not understand the "table" part.

However, food was appreciated, dances were horribly done and songs were... also horribly sung. all and all, it was a good day.

I'll stop rambing now. and be back in a few =p

2007-05-16T21:00:00.000-07:00

I'll be going over there soon.

oh gods. I'm so excited. I'm getting out of america for a while, then I'm getting out of south jersey forever. yey <3

...

My cousin has stayed with me and my brothers for two and a half weeks. his company was very comforting on most part and I felt less lonely in the house. and, you know, the house was more clean thanks to him. hehehe

but point is, it was mostly interesting on my part since I kept my distance among all my cousins. but he was a nice, reasonal guy who teased me like a brother (like, calling me fat). aww.

and he was nice enough to say that he'll miss us and hang out with us and hoped that I was studying in california (where he'll be) instead of new york.

Actually, I was second thinking new york these past few months because I was dying from the horrible cold. it was so cold. SO cold. brr.--- so he came here to us and started talking about the nice weather of san francisco and it made me want it more. =_=;;

but yes. it was kind of amazing considering I thought my cousins were too normal and I'm just too weird and my interests and "unique" personality wont mesh with my cousins.

apparently, my cousin watches jdrama. and completely promotes his love for GTO. its just very surprising to me that I wasnt annoyed with his company. and it was good for me because there were some people in school that I didnt want to hang out with anymore.

and aurora's not online.

harharhar.

so point is that, koike teppei is still good looking. so is hayami mokomichi. and apparently, my cousin has a gay jap friend who is insanely rich and is considered a "bo-chan."

I feel cheated. because I'm the one that wanted one but he got one and he doesnt appreaciate will and grace.

and some how, if you're high or drunk enough, that sentence will make complete sense.

But as for the beginning of my 2007 summer...

I will try to improve myself on this new commitment. Though I'm very sad that I'm not gifted or quite as talented as the people in imagine FX, I'll try harder (when I finally feel like it) on my art and try really hard to be as good as them. I promise, after a year, I'll try to get my work on the cover of that god forsaken magazine. woot!!

2007-04-15T15:20:00.000-07:00

I had a nightmare where the FBI caught me for illegal downloading. And they were charging me 50usd for ever 1mb I downloaded.

And my 500gb external hard drive is almost full. and I saw a window where they were calculating how much its going to cost me. and I just saw the cost for my debt go higher and higher. and I felt my walls close in around me and I was panicy because I had so many things in that external hard drive that were perfectly legal and they were saying that since it was in the same folder, it's considered illegal.

and then I woke up-- to my cousin calling me on my cell phone. He's in conneticut and he was saying that the rain is shitty there. He's back packing his way here to south jersey and then, I said something but there was no reply. I looked at my cellphone and a few seconds later I was more conscious.

then I got confused if he really did call me or not. Because I'm surprised that he called my cellphone and not the house phone. @_@

I dont know whats going on anymore.

Espeically if I should go to work today or not. because I'm completely cramming a term paper and speech.

I'll die I tell you.

[SVA]

I finally got their god forsaken acceptance packet the day after I said, "yes. I will attend pratt" to pratt.

well, SVA didnt offer me a scholarship. Their deposites are more expensive. Their application packet was not as impressive. and they want me to take a placement exam.

bullshit.

Pratt
An update on pratt. Apparently, their computer graphic major is very hard to get into. I mean, they only have 25 people. I mean, that major is pretty selective.

And here I thought I got into pratt because not a lot of people wanted to apply to computer graphics and they had a lot of slots.

It was actally the opposite. I feel special and surprised.

I was talking to one of the students that seemed kinda cool in the sense that, they're nerds but in the not skinny and slightly hard core kind of way. They told me that the major isnt as good as they claim to be. The director has a preference for the more "fine arts" shit. (read: abstract).

So theres a problem with me and my decided major: illustration or traditional animation or computer graphics. help?

Actually, I think pratt will be more like that. They want fine artsy things. SVA want the shock value type of things. I want... tetsuya nomura and shinichiro watanabe type of things.

This is going to be a weird 4 years. I was surrounded by high schoolers too.

My sister wasnt that impressed with pratt. she thought more people would dye their hair. she was expecting a sea of multi colored hair. There was this girl I kept on staring at. I think she noticed I kept on staring at her. But I was staring at her because her dye job was so fucking gorgeous. I love the way she did her bangs.

Apparently, it seems like I'll be spending the whole 4 years there instead of 3. It has been decided that:

1. I'll enjoy my college life with free time. and
2. I'm going to the philippines before I do start my fall semester.

anyone miss me yet?

2007-04-09T21:29:00.000-07:00

[Replies]
Aurora: Apparently all of matsu jun's hair is in his eye brows and no where else.

i did watch the opening of naruto where they show his silhouette doing those funky moves against a blue background. he's hot, when you don't see his face. i'm sorry, i said it.

Haha you dare to question my "son's" potential hotness?! I promise you that when he's 18, he's a character you'll regret insulting. BWAHAHAHAHA!!!

and when I imagine naruto with sasuke, they look a healthy age of 16. So I'm completely not insane. College age would be hotter I'm sure. But lets not go over 35.

you're so positive. When I hear you say "be happy" I think of jolibee. you should be their spokesman. but you're taiwanese drama star. I think it works.

Erika: Dude I just cant imagine tamaki with anyone. but I do love his and kyoya's "mama to papa" thing going on. and I cant imagine tamaki with haruhi because he treats her like a daughter, it confuses me. (ps. kyouya is hot)

I like kyouya and the twins. its natural for me to pair favorites. and its adorable that one of them subconsciously crushes haruhi.

I dont think my porfolio was awesome. they accepted me for my grades (surprsingly) And because not a lot of people went to the major I was applying for.

well sakura turns ok. but the whole three of them refelcting the sannin part is annoying. so I wish kishimoto did something else to her. But hey, seeing that sakura is a yaoi fan makes her kinda cool.

erika is so wise. *bows* not really an absence but my mom does enough for me and I feel bad making her do more. it doesnt feel fair on my part. but I'll take your advice.

oh yaoi. I'm surprsied not all girls agree on the yaoi part. I think its their mistake. I mean, if boys can have porn, then we should have boys having romantic relationships with each other.

...

[Gankutsuou]
Was very awesome. I didnt fast forward anything, surprisingly.

I compeltely heart Franz. I thought he was good looking and loyal and he made me cry in the end. Albert is fucking gay. Franz is gay. the Count was gay. I mean, what the fuck was with that kiss?!

Further more, I think the reason why Franz didnt love anyone was because he loved Albert, who SOOOO doesnt deserve his devotion, love and loyalty and etc.

It made me saddest in episode 17 when albert ran out on him and franz was calling him back. After a while franz just sat alone in their secret hideout and said "you still go to him..."

I want to punish albert for his ignorance and taking Franz gorgeous sexy existance for granted.

Bastard.

ALSO albert made it seem like his relationship with the count was EVERYTHING, when they've only met for like, what, 2 months!? WHAT THE FUCK! I mean franz has been there almost your whole fucking life, helping you, (loving you,) and never secretly conspiring against you and you BITCH to franz about feeling betrayed by the count.

you son of a bitch. I'll fucking murder you! did you ever think about franz?! you bastard. and how... uberly nice and gorgeous he is? and how he must feel like under soft sheets and moonlight?!

I'll stop. I'm fine. ANYWAY...

Franz also reminds me of Jowy from Suikoden II sans the betraying and the julia. Maybe it was because their best buddies and in the end they were still (kind of) loyal to one another in their hearts. (in the gayest way possible btw)

so the anime has inspired me to read the book. I have realized I can take a new apporach to doing the book: I'll draw the characters. ITs a good practice and it makes them good looking and leaves relationships vulnerable to my dirty dirty yaoi loving soul.

tee-hee.

on the other note. the boys of gankutsu are 15 years old. They're younger than naruto characters but look older. I'm amazed. see, the age doesnt matter. As long as they look hot, its fine.

[The O.B.G.Y.N.]
-- was very traumatizing. I remember half saying, half screaming: "If this is what sex feels like, I'll stay a virgin for the rest of my life!" I had a pap smear. This is the first time I went to an obgyny.

It wasnt really the cold metal clamper thing that bothered me. It was more like, THERESSOMETHINGGOINGINMEANDGETTINGWIDERWTF!!!!

I wish it'll never happen again. but its a yearly thing. well, I dont think it should matter to me because I'm not sexually active anyway.

(there is something weird about that term. "sexually active," I mean.)

[Nostalgia but not in an Awesome way.]
Theres something that took me 11 months to get over and for some reason, I've been bringing up the memories of it slowly and one by one.

Its like I'm breaking a shell that took me so long to make. Hammering it bit by bit and slowly seeing what "treasures" or "curses" I put inside.

maybe its because I've found the perfect background music to play with it. Maybe not. However, it is making me think of doing things I might regret, but surely not necessary.

[Mp3 I'm currently promoting for you to download]
Sondre Lerche - Happy birthday girl.

please download it. It was my favorite song when I saw them perform. and this song is sooo getting overplayed. I'm sure I'll be tired of it by the end of the week.

ps. I made a typo here but I cant seem to find it anymore. it was a theirs = they're typo. haha my bad.

2007-03-22T20:56:00.000-07:00

Bring out the fattened calf! I got in Pratt, bitches.

Yea.I got the news on a tuesday afternoon when I Was cramming my public speaking speach about Cramming.

I was so happy. I'm finally going to get out of this fucking state that is new jersey.

Well, I have to admit: at first, I kinda assumed that I can get into any school that I applied to, then I looked at my portfolio and realized what a crappy looking portfolio I had...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAnd I lost all confidence afterwards.

Well, what can you do. Dudes, I've got until May to tolerate this shit.

...
Fatima: You've quite the social life i see. I dont suppose you're going to america any time soon? tespan is completely scattered. it compeltely feels like we've gone a long way from our "innocent" grade 7 days.

Aurora: I admit it. Kimi wa petto is awesome. However, matsu jun would have been gorgeous if he fixed those blasted eyebrows.

I love how his dramas have manga. It makes me think that he's a dorky little boy. aww. Dude. having a human pet is the shit. I can imagine running a business on it.

I do want to see bambino. I mean hot jap boy + food = awesome.

Erika: HEY! kimi wa petto. thats all I have to say. its revolutionary, I tell you.

My portfolio is crappy. dont look *tear*.

Dude. dont you jsut want to have shikimaru's children after that? He IS awesome. its so... boyish, yet manly. I'm torn.

WAIT I'm acutally for the kyouya/kaoru and hikaru/haruhi. because haruhi/tamaki is just weird. I mean, he treats her like a daughter. But I'm so inlove with kyouya. <3 he's soo... my type. <3

...

Naruto.

had a thing where, his little bro did a kagebunshin + sexy no jutsu. but this time, he transformed into two boys in a awesomely sexy position.

Sakura, I didnt know you were a yaoi fan. I hate you less.

But yes, it was a major supportive yell from masashi kishimoto to all the naruto yaoi fans, i guess, telling us its ok to imagine sasuke and naruto having hot gay sex.

yey <3

...

School... is becoming a bit of a problem. I hate public speaking class. not only do they not get my jokes, they are also compeltely... NORMAL. I'm surrounded by normal people. I want to cower in a corner and hiss at them.

(I'm not making sense)

...

Parental Ramblings:

My mom and dad just left us. There seems to be a lot of tention between me and my mom in the financial topic. get this: she wants me to ask her for money if i want it.

because I never do. I dont want to be always dependednt on my mom because independence for me means => getting out of the house => me not having to attend any more god-forsaken masses.

She doesnt like it when people pity me when I dont have money and treat me to food. She said I have no sense of pride.

Well, I told her that I didnt really care about my sense of pride.

and thats where we had a very passive agressive argument in Junior's over Strawberry shortcake-cheesecake.

Well, mom said that I'm trying to be difficult when I'm the one who never bothered her for and about ANYTHING.

=_= my dad's right. He has been under my mom's very righteous rule for a long time and he gave me a word of advice: "just nod your head and say, "yes, mom. I understand."

2007-03-01T10:33:00.000-08:00

Fatima: Belated Happy birthday!! your blogs are in friends only mode. =p hahaha dude you're 21. you can now have sexy parties, which I'm sure you've already had. I hope to see you soon, yo.

Kath: I'm in sewell, sweetie. I'm online just at weird times. hahaha. aww I miss you too. hows my potential source of money going? remember, its ok foryou to date the chineses because you're one yourself. BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Aurora: I try to treat resolutions like something I'll try to achieve when I can still remember them.

well, you're right. like goals. hahahaha. I only enjoy drinking if it's good and I'm with a small group of friends doing karaoke.

Dude. I dont need a bed for drama. I'm too glued to the screen and horrible paralized in suspence to notice anything else. hahaha!

I have been junified. + warning of spoilers.

(I hate you, aurora.)

Ok. first off: I was cramming my portfolio over the weekend and to treat myself in the very rare number of free hours I had on sunday, I decided to watch the new Hana Yori Dango 2.

And OHMYGODS. A void was left in my heart. I wasnt really crying but i was very very moved (no matter how cheesy makino is). Utada hikaru went back into my life in the form of Flavor of Life, a song that was played over and over again in the most dramatic moments of the series.

it just breaks my heart.

So the series isnt done yet. its only up to episode 7. on Tuesday, I had some free time. I told myself to go do my homework because I have so much stuff to do and sleep afterwards because I was very deprived of sleep. However, ther ewas still that void in my heart left from hana yori dango 2.

So I decided to distract myself by watching Kimi wa Petto. (Mind you, this happens to me all the time with scanlations.)

Apparently, I ended up having a Kimi wa Petto Marathon and not sleeping or doing my homework (which made me complete academically ready to be hanged.)

Watching kimi wa petto "junified" me. At first I never liked matsu jun that much because, well, he got all the roles of the characters that i like in the manga (except for domyoji) and he wasnt that good looking. But watching kimi wa petto, he was different from his other roles and I completely fell in love with the character Momo.

MOMO!!!
But you know, it makes me want to get my own pet. But obviously a hot jap boy pet. harharhar, that cooks. But I cant have them all...

but OHMYGODS!!! MATSU JUN!!! you're so cool! an amazing actor (agreed with aurora, in the end) and so kickass (jin: we [jin and matsujun] were in the elevator together and I said, "yoroshiku onegaishimasu." and you just smirked at me!) BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!

I get an evil, insane laugh when I remember it.

dude... momo... oh my god. my heart was copmletely stolen when he played momo. he still wasnt good looking but he was soo amazing playing it.

(and skinny... and flexible...)

Oh my gods. I cant take this. I have so much pent up fangirlisms, blogging jsut wont do enough justice to it. I must go and look for other ways to vent. ciao!

2007-02-08T23:21:00.000-08:00

Fatims: Dude. I havent heard from you in FOREVER. How are you, btw?

Kuya: I'll ask when I remember to. promise!

...

Well, today is my birthday. My current state is: bloated, gasy, tired, anxious, depressed, and contemplative.

I enter my first second as a person of the age of 21 farting my whole evening away. I'm tired from my schedule. I'm anxious about my application deadlines, and I'm depressed over my grandfather's death.

I'm pissed about jobert for getting his myspace back and not friending me for more than a month. I'm pissed that I have a growing list of people I want to ignore because they're either annoying, creepy or tiring.

most people in america, I enjoy in small (SMALL) incriments. And, honestly, the same might go for my family. >_>

...

I'll be there in the philippines for a while. but I have to focus on two important things: the funeral and my portfolio. I'll be damned if I am having to spend more of my years in south-fucking-jersey. I'd be damned if I did.

I'll be sticking to CVS. because I really like the people there. <3 Cheryl (bakes) is very good to me. Duane (buys me drinks) is very kind. Jason (bum) and Ebony (bitter) are funny. Christina always lends me an ear. Sam (gave me and jason left over pizza) is also nice. And brian, well, yea... he's one of those types of people.

The type I want to punch in the face. Haha. Well, he's a nice kid.

I'll keep this up till i leave. Cheryl promised to make me peanut butter cake on easter <3. I look forward to it.

hmm.. can you imagine it? Peanut Butter Sansrival? I know I'm getting over board here but let me be weird and experimental. tee-hee

...

Well, I'll make my resolution as I am now 21. I think I will stick to a new tradition of making resolutions at my birthday instead of the new year.

Resolutions are:
1. I will mediate at least once a week to weed out my intolerance for people.
2. I will take care of my body by exercising at least two low impact sessions week (ooo detailed) and eating enough fiber (tee-hee) and fruits and vegetables.
3. I will only allow myself to binge once every two weeks.
4. If I get into art school, I promise to be at least 15% more productive.
5. I will promise to save up 500usd and store it in my savings and NOT TOUCH IT until I retire.
6. I will give a good amount of effort to live minimalisticly and simply (in a material sense)
7. I promise to keep myself to myself and not be in a relationship with anyone because I am above dependance, lovey-dovey feelings and sexual orientation. I really am. <3
8. I promise to take care of my mommy, daddy and lola more.
9. I promise to make my lolo and myself proud.
10. And as usual, I promise to live a life i will not regret.

Wow. Thats a pretty long list. I hope I can keep it all.

You know whats sad? I'm finally 21 and I'm tired of drinking. I dont like getting wasted anymore or drinking hard liquor. I'm tired of that shit. Its good for me though but it completely breaks tradition with filler friends (I'm cruel).

2007-02-05T04:16:00.000-08:00

Aurora: I havent watched the series yet. I think I'm going to read the manga first and then read the series after two or three months. just seeing the story repeat in a short amount of time makes me sick of watching it. I'm pretty sure it is. Its puppy love in the purest form. and yes. it is seriously gorgeous, isnt it?

Congrats on getting your old blog back! how did you do it?! you sent a complaint?

I hope you did watch ouran host club. Hot jap boys galore. If I were to pick a guy, it would be kyoya <3. he's so my type <3

Erika should date a man named Exodus or Psalms next or something.

"The guy from stormbreaker is cute." surprsing no?! my eyes kept on staring at his face during the whole movie saying to myself, "he's so pretty..."

I spent a hudred dollars on 12 articles of clothing and an awesome pair of shoes. I must show it to you.

Erika: Well, dont watch X for the story. xxxHolic is by one of the members of clamp. Not the main artist though. but for me its like petshop of horrors. I only saw a few chapters of it. I usually dont like clamp stories because their characters are too cheesy and not properly balanced. Everyone can do anything and be exptremely hot at the same time (hot, if you can ignore the misproportioned bodies)

CSS... is web design stuff. I think you're talking about CCS. haha its childhood! how could you not have seen it. well, we had an anime place we rented from when I was a kid. can you imagine? 45php per episode! it's murderous. thats where all my money went.

She's well known for .hack//sign and noir. but for me her work in tsubasa really outshined them all. she also did xenosaga II (or was it III?). I havent properly listened to it yet but it was a more refined orchestral version of xenosaga I. (because we all know that mitsuda cant orchestrate for shiznitz. I think she's yoko kanno's prodigy/disciple or something.

"You're like honey to the white race! Use it to your advantage. :D" I was talking to my coworker and she said that, that girl is actually after me. its fucking CRAZY. she's 8 years older than me and she has a kid. WHAT THE FUCK IS SHE THINKING?! SHE"S FUCKING CRAZY!! You'd think with me talking about pretty boy the whole time, she'd get that I'm straight but noooo~

if I was honey to white people then god send me the stormbreaker guy. He has a british accent, thus gets plus points.
...

I told my mom I want to go to the philippines for the funeral. but If i go I'll only stay there for 2 days. most likely a sunday and monday.

2007-02-04T18:22:00.000-08:00

My lolo died yesterday.

I...

I promise to reply to all of your comments after I get back from work. I was leaving the house yesterday evening at 10pm. I was a bit late. my brother was on thephone with me mom. I was a bit pissed because my mom was making me late for work.

then jasper said, "Mom said lolo died."

I was hanging by the door, only my head sticking in. I shouted, "Holy Fucking Shit!" I paused for a second and left for work.

I dont know if I'm actually calm about it or I keep pushing it out of my head. We were waiting for him to die before I left for america during winter break. He was barely conscious, he barely remembered me. A few days after I left, he came in a coma.

Mom said before he died, he had a hard time breathing and took a final breath in his sleep.

I want to go to his funeral. But I dont have a lot of free time. I have to prepare my portfolio for SVA. and part of me knows that lolo would have been happy to see me go to a university. Did you know that my lolo was my first favorite artist?

I always thought his drawings were so nice. He was really good at math and science. Science equals botany. Lolo would always draw such nice looking flowers. I remember I always asked him to draw for me.

On tuesday, I tripped and scaped me knee. I fell on my face. my glasses broke and I had scratches on my nose, hands and forhead. The last time I scraped my knee was when I was a kid. Lolo treated the wound for me. He was ana ss though. He poured hydrogen peroxide over my wound. it stung so bad. it was bubbling and everything. Because of him I got paranoid of hydrogen peroxide. But I used it when I disinfected my knee.

Shit. I'm going to be late for work.

I'll be back. Please pray for him and for my lola. To those who arent catholic, turn catholic for 5 minutes.

...

candalf: maybe I really should turn catholic
jason: dont say that
candalf: you know, my grandpa was a devout catholic
jason: well, that means he's in a better place right?
candalf: he better be.

2007-01-18T05:16:00.000-08:00

Tsubasa Chronicle Soundtrack

I have something to say about this. Though I usually dislike CLAMPS work, except for CCS since it I iconed as one of my childhood memory TV series, I want to watch Tsubasa Chronicles.

I am a sucker for stories of courage, bravery and pure love. Syaoran and Sakura and the like. Its like reading a fanfic. I can watch it because I already know how syaoran and sakura are and i love them both in the most innocent way. (Its possible!)

I love the soundtrack by Kajiura Yuki, to me she is like Yoko Kanno's Kouhai. Her music is developing very well. Her style is more expressionate than before. Her music has surely evolved. However her vocal tracks are very much her signature key. When you hear it, for example, "A song from storm and fire," its very distictly hers. You can taste .hacksign very vividly in that track.

The ending song is reminiscent of my childhood---the awesome power of Maaya Sakamoto. Though I do personally lable her songs as something generic, something simple, her voice is very pleasant and soothing. I'm very much reminded of Escaflowne.

Kajiura Yuki apparently uses this siren named Itou Eri. Check out a song by here called Optimistic on the 4th soundtrack of Tsubasa Resorvoir(sp?) Chronicles. Apparently she is used for mostly all the non-word songs. The chantings and the moans against a wonderful string background.

-----------In the end, what I'm trying to say is that Kajiura Yuki has definately upgraded herself. Greta was right. The Tsubasa OST is amazing. So, check it out.

...

Ps. help. I have a white friend thats getting clingy. I hate these fucking one sided friendships. I'm getting sick of it.

2007-01-16T04:52:00.000-08:00

I want to thank all the awesome people I saw on my vaca. thanks for making my stay super-fantabulous <3
...

Kath: haha. aww hows my soon-to-be-a-billionare friend? ^_^ Go for the calling. Hopefully I'll have free time to call you too. But I'm enjoying freedom right now by buying junk to fill up my closet which i have deprived myself form for the longest time. GASP!

Aurora: wait no! hot pretty boys are too cool for me. but I'm too cool for dating and romance. harharhar.

you tell me that after you date you chinese boy. HAH. I'm going to say it: I'm too cool for all races except uberly awesome and people I consider hot. Oh, narcisissm. for shame on me and my spelling and grammar errors!

...

I'm back in jersey again, slighly refusing to pick up my life from where I left it off. Work, school and the attempt of losing weight.

However, sinceI got back I went on a major shopping spree. I spent 90usd at Ross buying 8 articles of clothing and a pair of shoes that cost me 20usd out of the 90usd.

Apparently, yellow is my new green. I feel shamefull buying t-shirts at an estiame of 6usd each. but its not a bad price. I'm an awesome shopper. I wish some people were here to experience the glory of american after holiday sales. <3

...

I went back to work with people happy I came back. (at least pretending to be happy). I havent seen my "american" friends yet because I'm lazy. that and I have been watching Kyou Kara Maou because of Aurora's evil addictions.

Yuuri pisses me off. he's too much of a goody two shoes. Since Aurora likes Gunter from Kyou Kara Maou, I"m sure she'll love Tamaki from Ouran Host Club.

Aurora. I'm completely confused whether you are into anime boys or jap boys now.

Greta, I'm happy to say, is trying to learn to read scanlations! She's putting an effort to it and I'm so proud and happy for her!

Erika is still a house plant that is an evil discriminator of non-cute kids.

Joey... still has that guy. But I still love her. But not as much with him around.

Jopie... has a new guy. *tear*

Prit is gorgeous but still doesnt have that Brit accent I was looking for.

...

Oh oh oh. I was in the airplane and they were shoing the crappiest movie ever: Stormbreaker. Anyway. Theres was this interesting looking brit boy. he gets points for the accent. his name is Alex Pettyfer, if I googled it right. I dont remember. I closed the window with his name in it.

Anyway. He's a handsome little man but uberly cheesy in the movie so its a turn off on my part.

Harharhar. Oh yes. However, I will forever be devoted to Teppei and Moko. I think they should pair up. They'd make a wonderful couple, dont you agree?

...

oh and by the way. erika. if you read the lastest chapter of naruto (chapter 335 to be exact) you'll know why I want to say, "I want to have Shikamaru's babies!!!"

Dude. I am so fucking kept in suspense, its not healthy. I am on hold for like, 5 mangas. I cant continue any of them because they havent translated the recent chapters yet. Kya!!! What is a girl like me to do?!

Aww and just yesterday I was reading, whats its name. ha-- something... the title's in japanese and aurora told me to read it and its yaoi about two AV actors. Anyway-- I was saying to myself, "I wish I were a man in another man's embrace." I wanted to be a hot gay jap boy so bad... I went shopping. I relives the vexation. The itchiness.

I have been shopping non stop actually. Kind of. Starting yesterday, I have spent 120usd. and I have a feeling its going to pile up more. I havent gone shopping for 3 months so I deserve this.

Well, also that now is the perfect time since there are alot of sales going on. The prices of shoes are killing me though. 40usd for a pare of flats. GASP! Murderous. I can live without them. I'll just try to hold myself in.

Self control, candalf. Self control.

I have a lsit of places I'll be going to today and I hope I'll not blow all the money I earned. I will ganbarimasu!

Ciao <3
...

ps. I'm having another sleeping dilemma: I cant sleep. its been 36 hours and I only had 4 hours of sleep. America doenst not only make me gain weight, it deprives me of sleep. Hush! I love generalization. No need to analyze the situation. all you have to do is blame america for it. harharhar. <3

2006-12-08T12:08:00.000-08:00

Aurora: I do have fangirl innocence. Its not letting reality spoil your perverted fangirl fantasies.

sweetie. erika's right. your blog is gone. ;_; some asshole took it. just like how some asshole did some bullshit on my tagboard.

oh one day, we'll be in new york with our brand new camera's clicking away and being arrested for stalkery.

Erika: Fatima used to hump trees. just so you remember. haha I do like hugs. they keep me from killing myself. HAHAHAHA. that was a horrible joke that I'll never use ever again.

I like being moved by the stupidest things. I love being inspired and sadly that inspiration doesnt linger long enough for me to do something extraordinary. tsk tsk

I remember the not-so-good ol days of colon-ial problemados. I miss oogling over manga characters. Shikamaru is hot now. Its amazing and also surprising. After azuma's death, shikamaru turns cool. I'm all likes: "OHMYGODS THAT IS TEH HOTSORES!"

...

I will not over analyze things. A friend of mine in chinese class thinks that I have a wrong way of thinking. Because I dont want to change who i am, I choose not to ask people out on a date. and because I say pretty boy is pretty, I should ask him out. (thats how they think)

Well, pretty boy is just a pretty thing to look at. nothing more, nothing less. I'm too cool for dating and all this sexual orientation crap. though I do love oogling over someone/something, I will continue on saying that pretty boy is pretty.

I'm the person who, once taken that step forward, will sink so deeply into that step. I over do it. I'm obsessive compulsive in that sense.

but I will relish the jdrama moments of
(1) him giving me his phone number
(2) him picking up my book when it fell

a scene that needed a re-take was:
(1) my head was on my books and he was passing by. he asked my friends, "what wrong with her?" --I mean, read the god damn jdrama manual. tap me on the shoulder or something and ask me.

the thing that i didnt get was:
(1) pb: what was "qui"?
me: what's qui? you mean hui?
pb: it was "h"?
me: you mean, you spent an extra 10 minutes on that test thinking if it was a "q" or an "h"?
pb: *nods*

aww. its so cute. but he had like, a whole barkada with him at the time to ask and why did he ask me? --lets not over analzyse that. it is what it is. I'm leaving it at that.

I think I'll rename him as peanut butter. I like peanut butter. it makes everything tastier. and awesome. wait. peanut butter is too awesome for him. I take it back.

anyway. thats just fuel for fangirly drives, if anything. and kwento for aurora. hahaha. I dont date. I'm too cool for that. I'd kidnap him though and open a brothel and everything. So, basically, I dont date the merchandise. harharhar

...

I feel like I've come a long way from somewhere.

Carry the Zero by Built to Spill was my favorite song since I first arrived in america. It was my saving song. It wasnt angry when I was angry. It wasnt upset when I was upset. It was very indifferent. That song, how would i described it, looked the other way when everyone and myself was looking at the goal we were told to look at.

I'd play this song most in the times when I was numb and I felt saved. Now, I'l lying down on my bed, trying to recover from a sore throat and a sinus congestion. I have 3 more projects to do before the fall 2006 semester ends. I have friends that I love, ignore, havent seen and recently made.

Its been two and a half years. I dont know if I am different from who i was before.

I've kept this blog since kuya left america. That was in 2002. its already 2006.

Wow. Its been that long. There are some things that I learned and some things i regret doing. But what's done is done. And what happens, happens.

so... yep. end of todays feeling of revelation.

2006-10-26T22:39:00.000-07:00

Aurora: Oh sweetie. Winter break is drawing near. You should be hear to wear your sweaters and coats, because now is the perfect time.

Dude. I kind of hate black people now. I was lost driving and so i went to a service stop. I went to two black ladies to ask for directions and they told me, in all impatientness, bitchyness and "feeling diva"-ness, to go away. and "shoo."

I was thinking "You fucking cunt. I hope you get cancer."

I have your book with me here and I'll bring it over when I go there. The magazine is a present so you dont have to pay for it. You deserve it after all that stress. <3s galore!

Greta: Dude! I got dragon ball stickers and no one wanted to trade with me because no one thought dragon ball was cool. I never had lisa frank. Though now I'm happy I neve r had it because it was a pretty retarded and gay thing to like.

I'm alls abouts the weight problems and food. If theres one thing my parents would be more lenient about spending, its food. Sure my mom would bitch in the end that it was crappy, but I still ate. <3

Dell did have battery issues. But my battery wasnt part of the recall. But still, never trusting dell brand again. *anger*

Wait. What popularity level? I completely lose when it comes to that because Erika completely has me below negative on that scale. BWAHAHAHAHA! she has fanboys.

Erika: Neil Gaiman is so awesome. You would have loved him in that book signing. he read a few poems and talked some funny stories. He was all jet lagged and sleep deprived-- if you were still narcoleptic, you would have had a bonding session.

I do not get this statement at all: "Haha, the Piggy curse backfired. Although you might actually have been better off--dammit, I can't stop sounding like an Econ major--if it had gone according to her plan." She had a plan?!

Pocket Fighter Dan was awesome. I love pocket fighters. I loved playing that shit because everyone was so cute. <3s for nostalgia.

...

I havent posted here in the longest time.

my apologies. Nothing bad is happening. Nothing good either. I'm just a tad bit dazed at the moment and i think I lost all my fangirl innocence-- which basically means, I'm growing up. And that, my friends, utterly sucks.

I dont know if things are looking up or looking down. I think both are happening so they tend to negate each other. Damn.

but I just want to say that today I saw Demetri Martin. He's a comedian whom I absoutely adore. And his friend Leo Allen did the opening and they were both fucking awesome.

So I got a hug from both (<3s) and I would have had leo sign if demetri martin didnt take up the whole space. Sadly, I have no camera so I didnt get to have visual representation of my meeting with them. *tear* I'm such a fan girl.

I did not cry, by the way. I just acted stupid and "added water to the milk" as I would say, because I wanted to spend more time talking to them but just letting random shit sprout out my mouth, completely diluting and devaluing the significance of the encounter.

point is that, life will be awesome. I hope.

There were many jokes that i love and I hoped that when I bring the DVD home, you guys will want to watch it <3.

Anyway, in my encounter with him, I mentioned something about stalking him and I saw his eyes open wide but still keeping that smile. I think i went over board with that joke. I'll never pull it out again.

I say that I'll stalk someone all the time but I never get around to it. Am I lazy? or do i just not care enough? Hmmm...

...

Things happen, and maybe I should not listen to, what I think is, my "woman's intuition."

I completely cannot wait to get out of here and move to new york. I completely cannot wait to get out of here and visit the philippines. I completely cannot wait to go shopping and watch more Jdrama.

I completely cannot wait to improve my grammar and spelling. Because I do believe that I need a smoother medium for my thoughts.

I do admit it now that I miss you guys correcting my english. (aww, assholes.) I cannot wait to go to an art school and finally get my shit moving-- things means in both metaphorical and biological meaning: an "x" mark on both procrastination and constipation.

...

And I bet you guys miss me talking about the constipation part, admit it. It's not that you wish it was there but it's something that brings up memories.

All is said with love and oreos. Later <3

2006-09-04T17:29:00.000-07:00

Aurora: aww. kimi wa petto. I want to watch it with you. so yea. ^_^

I dont think the guys in hana yori dango looked better as you go along. I think you get used to their faces more and your mind has to make do.

I havent experienced good ch/tw soap operas. I'll try to find something nice to oogle about when I come over. =D

Did you visit my house and talk to the guard? I have your cd except for the book because I forgot about it. that and I have a present for you. so get it asap.

I do hate chinks. but its the closest I can get to japanese. ;_; I can take japanese over the summer in nyu. OOoo you should come and stay with me ;_; so we can learn japanese together in new york and stalk hot jap boys!!!!

I will ganbatte! you ganbatte too!! we can do it! XD

Greta: you're so sweet, you should be a soap opera writer.

twdrama = meteor garden. I fucking hate meteor garden. I fucking hate that annoying black guy in my chinese class. I FUCKING HATE HIM.

but point is, twdramas are uber popular there?! UGhh... I wish our stuff would be popular. I want to see the word "fdrama" on torrent websites.

oh my gods! do you guys know don pedro? the big stuffed thing that lived in my room? my mom killed him. and made him into a many pillows ;_; we should make a detective story in his memory. <3

KYAA!! I cant wait to see detective conan live action. they better make shinichi and kaito kid uber hot. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

...

PS. Fearless was awesome. I typically hate jet li bit I like him when he speaks chinese.

...

Dear Diary,

I have an ipod...?

...

yes. yes I do. its a pleasant surprise that came out of no where. its not like I planned to have an ipod for a long time because its everywhere and I didnt really see the need for it since I'm hard core with the old school crap (like... cd players and film based cameras). However, Dan, my parents friend, visited us for the mean time and got my parents on the hype about ipods. So my mom decided that I could have one and here i do.

He was also going to buy an ipod for his kid, the 512mb ipod shuffle.
and I was all:so mom, what did you buy me that was expensive when i was a kid.
And she said: well, I dont think i did.
and I'm all: booya. this is justice served with a visa mastercard. <3

So so I feel really lucky in this visit of my parents because I got alot of expensive presents like: a stand for my keyboard, a heavy duty easle for my stuff and an ipod. Soon I'll add another laptop to my collection after i return my dell one because dell sucks in customization.

...

OHMYGODS!!! NEIL GAIMAN ANSWERED MY QUESTION IN HIS JOURNAL:

I remember a few years back I heard an audio of an essay you made that you read yourself. I think it was about how drinking affected the creativity of writers/writing. And so as you typed that essay, you drank a shot of scotch every few sentences and started spewing works like "elephant spunk" and ants being ungrateful about eating that sort of thing. I really miss it and I want to hear it again.Now my question is that, where can I find that audio again? I tried looking in the neilgaiman.net site and in your audio section but it wasnt there. So please enlighten me if I'll ever hear that audio again. Thank you!- candice

It's the hidden track on the WARNING: CONTAINS LANGUAGE double CD. It's also (I think) on the Live at the Aladdin video, which is now a bonus on the DVD of A Short Film About John Bolton.

WARNING is http://www.neilgaiman.net/warning-contains-language.php (And it looks like you can download Nicholas Was... from there for free.)

Here's the info on A Short Film About John Bolton: http://www.docurama.com/productdetail.html?productid=NV-NVG-9623.

I feel so loved and so gigil that I was biting my kuyas shoulder till he was starting to tilt from pain. <3 I love you neil gaiman <3 in the most non-creepy way possible.

...

So yea, I was bored. Thsi semester had so many "its a small world" sticks that god pulled and smacked me in the face with.

1. the friend that I met last semester is in another branch of the college I'm in. Funny thing is that his kid's mommy is my classmate this semester.

2. people... are talking about me. ...WHAT?!

3. I stalked my classmate in myspace. because I was bored. I didnt know his name but I knew what he looked like. So I found him and funny thing is that (a) he knows bizmark's friend and (b) his name is dan.

I realized that I have grown a hatred for people who are named dan.

...

2006-08-30T14:07:00.000-07:00

aurora: tee-hee. you know me so well <3

yea, you know what. halo scan eats up my comments when I comment in your blog. thats why I have to post multiple times. =x

is dragon zakura the new gokusen? I mean, gokusen has so many bishies. O_o; its like a melting pot of hotness. kame is hot. he'd be hotter if he had a little bit more meat in him because good god, the bones are sticking out. *worry*

you mentioned kimi wa petto ten thousand times. haha you must love it so. I'll watch it with you when I come over there =D

dude. the guys in hana yori dango are not hot. I have an issue with matsujun's eyebrows and his way of running. I'm so mean.

jdramas so get you in the mood to learn japanese. I swear to mother effing gawd. XD

Erika: You know what, please burn mysterious skin for me =x. It was pretty easy to download to easy, though, so don't give up hope! every time erika makes a grammar mistake, an angel gets her wings. =D such a rarity, I think hell froze over <3

I keep hearing good things about this "Summer Snow." I havent heard about Hero. Didnt watch GTO. A friend told me to watch Long Vacation (you'll cry your eyes out). And I saw Princess Princess D and I think I'll look for the manga instead =D

OHMYGOD. Erika's friends with cheerleaders and has a ton of admirers... dude... you must be a completely different person since I last met you. I think its like you’re in the A-crowd or something. O_o You're so social and popular I feel so... miniscule and dorky compared to you. *tear*

I hope you still love fictional characters and and and do losery stuff like we used to do, I'll still love you.

Greta: aww poor greta and her computer. How did it die?! did you break it?

Dude I only know those cheesy inspirational lines. =D its so adorable, i love it!

Thank you! I think I'm going to SVA. I'll try really hard to wow them or something and do a good job. =D you have to tell me whats going on with you and ateneo because I seriously didnt understand your last post. GAH! go on line!!!

...

So far i have nothing to say about the recent progression of the naruto manga. For me, its like it already reached it climax and the author is trying to squeeze more juice out of it.

I'm thinking around the lines of rurouni kenshin. I mean, shishio was enough. but nooo~ you wanted to add enishi to it. I mean, sure he's kinda cute but seta soujirou took the award for the hottest fucking male award.

...

As dramas are coming along, densha otoko looks promising. however the downloading proves not to be promising.

I lack internet love. Maybe after I set our internet to be wireless I'll rule the sky? but sadly I have to give my laptop up soon and I'll exchange it for an ipod or something. (because I can do shite like that ^_^) Gah. I only have 30gb left from my 200gb hard drive. O_o.

...

Classes are:
1. English Comp II: lala always boring

2. PE: boring. but theres a filipina over there who moved here 4 years ago and she's my age. she's pretty nice so far =D and thinking I'm a snotty rich kid because I studied in poveda.

3. MIDI: in-fucking-teresting. so far, me bizmark and his friend ben are in on it and its freaking fun. <3 I'm happy i took that class but I'm sad that I'll be surrounded by people better than me on this one. so basically there are already some pre-recorded playing by instruments that are looped (as in it can play over and over again without an awkward pause in the end) and all you do is arrange it so it makes a song.

4. Chinese: hah. a guy from my A&PII class is there. A black guy I know who is creepily into asian chicks is there and is kind of annoying----So are his two friends: a jap and a hk kid. the hk kid's kinda cute but I'll say this, I have a height requirement and I like them to not look breakable/skinny/fragile. but but but this is definately a good reason to start watching cdramas or twdramas =D

5. Multimedia Tech: I think the guy who I thought was cute in wawa is here but looks less cute from when I last saw him.

but I wont bother with that guy anyway because he's, you know, white. bob is in the class. (AWKWARD!) but I'm happy he didnt show up. but his name was in the attendance and I'm feeling an immense sense of fear.

6. Web Page Design: This is my attempt to try html and try to emulate even a fragment of erika's greatness.

...

So school started. I'm not really excited about it. I bombed my interview in starbucks and I wont be surprised if I didnt get the job. that and part of me hopes not to because If I dont get this job I'll be able to take art classes on the side <3

so whatever be may be.

Fall kinda started a while ago. The weather got 15 degrees colder but the leaves havent turned red yet. I dont know what to feel about this semester. I hope no drama shite happens to me. I hope smooth sailing comes along. and most importantly, I hope I have the car all for myself.

So so so, I hope to be a better version of myself and be awesomer than usual and be a kickass artist and have an aspirin for the people who read this run-on sentence.

Good day!

2006-08-08T22:38:00.000-07:00

aurora: yep! brick ben folds' most popular song. I'm onlnine more often. because I have no life till school starts. so I hope to catch you =D

you have... made me addicted to jdrama. part of me hates you. part of me loves you but all of me is completely straight <3 *chuuu*

erika: gasp! I've been trying to d/l mysterious skin but no one is seeding so its suckage for me. erika... you have a thing for disturbing movies? you like mentally scaring yourself? I know how that feels. I've been wanting to watch japanese horror films lately and it sucks because I usually dont like horror films (cause I easily get scared)

chichiri was my self-claimed bitch. nuriko was my first fave but it later on moved to chichiri. I dont know why. I tink its because... he was hot before he got the scar and he wasnt tainted with miaka grossness.

...

oh my gods. you majorly dont understand my uber craving for gokusen shinkumi appetite. GASP! Its driving me insane!!

Manga:

Ok. someone had scanned a current issue of it and OHMYGOD, shin grew taller and gorgeous-er looking than before. I am so in love <3 with his character!!

you dont understand he's like a better sasuke. he's like the sasuke in the fanfics who is loving to his naive, dense yet awesome naruto/yankumi.

<3 but I'm le confused because its a summer festival. they're on a date!? so does that mean they actually... hit it off?! what happened to school?@ they musthave kept it a secret. but what about the age? howmany years went by? why is he so damn hot now?! WHOA!

I'm sorry. I'm like hyperventilating. over-fangirl-explosionism. its driving me insane

sadly, its in japanese and its not translated. I've never been so motivated to learn japanese again. GASP!!

so wait.. what happens with her love interest lawyer. I think he already knows that yankumi has a crush on him... and so I dont know what happens.

shite. there are like 13 volumes of gokusen and I'm only in 9 ;_; I must know what happens!!!
*dies*

Live action:

Ok. the manga was better in a few ways:

1. yankumi was more hard core and less of a dork
2. there was SHINKUMI-NESS!!!

however for some reason, It didnt stop me from watching the rest of gokusen 1. I am totally <3ed by shinkumi. sad that they only mentioned that he liked her in the last 3 minutes of the last episode. that pissed me off.

i.. I'm tired of naruto and sasuke. I want shinkumi! and its perfectly normal because they're a straight couple. tee-hee

because they're both so cool, they cant end up with anyone else.

jdrama

anyway, things that bothered me but still sucked me in:

1.transformation: she'd resuce her students. but before that she has to take off her glasses and pigtails
2. commotion then speech then everyone turns to her side.
3. cheesy bs speeches that brings me to tears. WHY?!
FOR SHAME~!

perks for gokusen 1:
1. shin and kuma <3 aww~ I dont like matsujun's face but i do admit he played the character well.
2. well... thats that.

perks for gokusen 2:
1. aurora's horribly right, more hotties galore.
2. koike teppei <3 I heart galore. he is... my... tee-hee *blush* crush!!
3. kame... is unbelieveably hot. I mean, sure he maybe hotter than teppei but teppei is my type, so... yea... but still... ohmygodhot!
4. yaoi with jin and kame *tee-hee*

yea... so how superficial can i get? apparently very.

...

so I am now pulled into the world of Jdrama, thanks to bordeom, my neighbors internet and most importantly aurora.

what I finished so far is gokusen 1, gokusen 2 and nobuta wo produce. not bad since I just started craving it last week.

I'm currently going though hana yori dango and read the manga vol 13 to 35 in two days. that manga is just damn addicting. its a horribly fast read and every end of the volume I went "shit! I was going to go to sleep after this but I MUST KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!!"

same thing with the jdrama. the only sad thing i can say about its jdrama coutner part is that... the F4 is not hot. I'm so sorry but gokusen 2 spoiled the hell out of me. (damn you aurora)

waaa~~ why cant they be hot ;_; they're supposed to be extremely good looking. damn it!

...

ah yes. so I went to an interview for drexel university. more like an inquiry about their major so it wasnt part of the application process. afterwards the conversation with my mom went:

candalf: oh! oh! oh! guess what, he said that I had talent <3
mom: are you sure he wasnt just being nice.
candalf: smooth move for my self-esteem, ma. smooth.

so I've been stuck at home for the most part. kind of a hermit. I'm supposed to be looking for a job because part of me refuses to work in bath and body works again (too many cheerleaders but they are nice). but beggars cant be choosers. >_>;;

watching all these jdramas... i keep running into the uncomfortable situation of numb legs. *sigh*

and my poor blu has only 1/4 of its space left in its capacity (did that make sense?) eep. I might have to buy a new one soon =x with all the stuff I'm d/ling, yea.. seems like the case.

...

so koike teppei is my new love <3 this cute cute guy whom aurora sent pictures of before and I said that he looked like jailbait. >_> well, he's my age so... yea. >_>;;;

but but but he's absolutly adorable and rapeable! it makes me even more excited about going to japan. I cant wait till we start kidnapping jap boys *_* I dont know what we're going to do with them but if glomping, cameras and whip creams are involved. I'm so in. <3

ps. why the hell does wentz have a better house than teppei?! when I saw teppei's place I felt nothing but... an immense amount of pity. I thought he had a lot of money?! why is it so... small...? >_< andI just want to say this, he's 119lbs for a person who's 5'5. he's in his skimmies in waterboys2 and I wanted to feed him so badly.

and in waterboys 2, he got the role again where he has a crush on a girl who wants a manly guy?! is he not that manly? I think he's pretty... umm... unisexual...? he horridly reminds me of daisuke from DNAngel though. <3

yes. water boys. where else would you see skinny jap boys in their skimmies all wet and being together? teppei <3 yey!

2006-08-02T21:18:00.000-07:00

So I have a crush on Joseph Gordon-Levitt's character in the movie Brick. He's skinny, dorky, has nice hair and glasses.

I cant say no.

Sure he's funny, creative, smart (went to columbia for two years) and surely down to earth but its really hard to like a guy like that when they've (along with the director of birck since I think they;re buddy buddies) made an artsy almost home made film with french words being thrown around in the back ground.

I have a thing against artsy films. Well, mostly a thing against films i dont get. or films that are retarded. but brick is an awesome movie by the way. i think its erika's type of movie. I dont know.

Well,l when I first watched brick, I fell in hearts with brendan, aka joseph gordon-levitt, and the last time i saw him was in 3rd rock from the sun and i was all, "you grew up nice~ <3"

and then recently I saw him in angels in the out field when he was a little kid. I was all, "YOU'RE SO FUCKING CUTE!! <3" and then I started my search for him online.

So far, I know that he dated julia stiles (who i think is drop dead gorgeous), went to columbia university for two years and quit and pursued acting, and was born in 1981 which makes him 25 years old. Also that he's in LA. Now this is a reason to go into film and LA. but I wont be doing that. because I'm too cool.

haha. laugh all you want, ass.

point is that, yes! Its my first time having a crush on an actor that is not too old for me! YEY! I think this calls for a special occasion: pie!

he has a website called hitrecords.org

...

by the way:

The category I was looking for is: Manga.

I was at Barnes and Noble today apart from my semi-busy schedule. (Parents are here and I am high in demand. Never has the feeling of being wanted bring forth the nostalgia of not being wanted.) And they released the final volume of Chrno Crusade by Daisuke Moriyama. (tee-hee. His name is Daisuke <3)

It reminded me of Xenogears in a way that it took the bible's favorite nouns and put them in a different context. Ergo, Japanese people love the bible. A bit shocked with the pairing of Chrno and Rosette. I mean "WHY?!" I'm sorry but most of the time Chrno was in kid form and that would just mean pedophilia. And I'd like to defend myself by saying when I liked Eriol (card captor sakura) and Soujirou (rurouni kenshin), I was 14. So I was of a younger or equal age. Not much I can say about Loki, a 12 year old looking boy I read about at the tender age of 18. But my excuse is that Loki is 2000 years old and that he is not subjegated to my pedophile tendeicies. ---you know what, fuck that. I didnt even understand what I just typed.

And so far, I'd like to say that I enjoyed the read, mucho. It was dramatic, friendship-y, tragic, sad, inspirational and completely avoided the romance part until it hit you in the face that Chrno. And. Rosette. Were. THIS. *lifts pinky*

The art is incredible. The style of his drawerings (yes, the "er" was on purpose) remind me of a friend of mine. The last two volumes made me cry. Sadly, I was in barnes and noble at the time. So it was pretty embarassing. And DUDE, oh my gosh. Joshua. I <3 Joshua. (and ps. he doesnt look 15). Joshua is the little brother of Rosette taken in by the antagonists and brainwashed for their use. He would look like a happy lifeless doll, dazed and looking for his sister. So the motivation for Rosette was to bring her brother back. It was a killer when they meet in one of the middle volumes and he doesnt recognize her at all.

The weird part was... I liked it when he was a happy, pleasant mass murderer than him being nice, naive and back to normal with his sister. I guess when he turned into a preist as he grew up was a major turn off.

I knew some part of me is screwed up. That would explain my taste with my other koibitos. >_>

Point is that the last page left me with three reactions of which i question it's appropriateness to express:
1. aww-- wait, chrno and rosette are *raises pinky*?!
2. Ok, Chrno, you were alive all this time and you never visited her until the last .5 seconds she died? double you tee eff, mate!
3. thats... thats just cheesy...

I'd give chrno crusade a 8.6. The manga is way better than the anime. but the anime has its perks, quality, ending song (I think its gorgeous), art.

a 10 would be Evangelion manga. a negative 1000 would be fushigi yuugi or anything by watase yuu. Those are my standards. so stop bitching, fangirls.

...

ps. I uberly miss blogging like a ditzy dork.

2006-07-24T05:56:00.000-07:00

Aurora: Dont be troubled by my lack of faith. my mom already does that for me ^_^ so far, I got to skip two sundays of masses when they were here *sweet*

oh aurora~~ jap boys in 14th street east village and the MoMa. <3 you must come here to shop for jap boys and I must go there to shop for clothing~ <3

Greta: Actaully I think i remember the brad pitt thing. I was like WTF?! but then again they put Galaxy Express 999. so its just so full of cameo apperances that makes it extra weird and aliw.

Now that you told me that... I dont want to live with my sister anymore for two weeks in their apartment. I hate you for traumatizing me.

aww. yea. some of the oldies are cool. SOME. as I was getting into it, dad played some cd meldey of the 70s or 80s music and it was the same guy and guitar and beat going over and over again switching through all those songs. and for some reason... it was a turn off.

maybe I should overdose of flu syrup too. but elk! I dont know how you can stand the taste. >_<

Erika: I love how you're all about the typhoons.
I dont have many female friends in america. most of my friends are guys ;_;. I have only one or two female friends here. I miss females who make up fake, over-rated, plot contradicting drama cause americans... dont do it that well...

are you telling me to kiss white ass?! I'm going to kill you before I kill myself for having that image in my head.

dude. being deprived of food is sad. economics and accounting? isnt greta and aurora taking that too? or maybe... they're not as hard working as you =O

off the top of your head... thats a lot for something thats just skimming up there. haha thank you. I have some (do i?) free time. I think. but yes. I'll listen to them. and I'll recommend you some Nada Surf. I just want to say "Blankest Year" is an awesome song.

furuba: apparently theres a love triangle between kyo, tohru and momiji. momiji got super tall and handsome in the next chapter. I'm just like, WHERE THE HELL DID YOU COME FROM?! WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOU?!!! I dont know if I should be happy or sad.

...

I have to admit, I'm pretty flaky when it comes to career decisions and college stuff. mostly because the things i really want arent available and I have to look for other things to replace it. and it leads to more browsing and more changing of minds. I'm a difficult person to cater to. that and I'm poor. *tear*

but I'm working it. I'm working it. I dream of dorming since I dont want to live in south jersey anymore. I dont know why. this sudden... distaste for the suburbs.

I would love boston though. yea. true its cold. thats why a college there has an underground tunnels during winter because its too cold on the surface.

...

LARP the other day was... part boring but part fun. tina said its usally more fun. there are strange characters in the larp. no hot asian guys. or hot guys. I dont even know why I care since I dont even want to date.

but point is, larping got me all reved uo to make a nice costume and do character sketches.

there was this one time I remember we were fighting. my brother and i were screaming out with a vein popping enthusiasm:

candalf: WHO NEEDS HEALING?! WHO NEEDS HEALING?!
kuya: I NEED HEALING!!!
candalf: I GRANT LESSER HEALING!!!
kuya: I NEED MORE!
candalf: I GRANT LESSER HEALING!!! NEED MORE!?!
kuya: NOOOO!!

it was so intense and so angry and in a hurry, it was funny. I was giggling my ass off after wards.

In one attack with the seaweed men, my brother was pissed because they were tripping all over the place, they were swinging too hard and I think the fact that they hit my face hard counted for 4% of his angry-ism.

being a girl in larps sucks because:
1. you cant pee anywhere you want (its a foresty place)
2. boobs get in the way when you fight

next month, I'm exited about hearing the rest of my brothers friends come. Ihear funny stories about what they do and I want to watch.

...

Oh fuck it. I'm gonna have a party.

well, nope. but I will celebrate when I officially return from new york.

but either way, I dont have vacation anymore because I'm going to do nothing but porfolio and museum viewing for the last 2 and a half weeks.

...yey...? good luck to me!! *bow*

2006-07-06T09:12:00.000-07:00

Greta: greta... your wish list... is so expensive...

its nice to know that god smiles upon my destructive plans on this white country. but then again, I dont know my religious position anymore. I think I worry about god in the sense of superstition (and habit) than actual faith. (oh burn~ god doesnt get a capital "g")

wait wait wait! what development of soap opera?! there no drama in that. wait, if I can get this right: greta, erika and aurora, most of your friends are guys right? I was thinking why do I have guy friends? they (a) dont have drama, or (b) is something I'm used to because I have 3 brothers?

greta, we dumped you because we love monogamy <3 you're such a player kasi!

Aurora: I KNOW. WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?!

oh sweetie, i'm sorry about your wallet. *hug* I share your pain. wait, where do you get the golden kiwi stuff? Is that in taiwan? I know yellow watermelons are from taiwan. Didnt find them as sweet as the red ones.

...

I'm reviewing art schools again. If I'm going to do this shit, I might as well do it right.

The only thing that lets me go to an art school is that I look 16. Which is sweet. now I wont have to feel like an old granny to the actual 16 year olds.

But I"m thinking about the application part because making up essays and sending $50 per application is a bitch. but still. I try. I'm excited. Though, I wish i did this with more gusto. Well, not like I'm going to get accepted in everything I'll apply for. But still, its nice to be optimistic when I know i suck.

And so I'm being kicked out of my early vacation here in new york city. unless my sister is willing to let me stay in her NEW APARTMENT. but its so new I dont know it'll be finished during "lets kick out candalf day."

So apparently I'm interested in this artschool in boston. funny that I'll move to the only place i finally dont have friends in. Just when I know people in new york, philly and new jersey, I'm considering to go to a place where I have to start from scratch again.

well, my mom's letting me dorm this time. for some reason, she's more vocal about letting me go to any school i want. I think she feels extremely bad for me because I live the poor life: over eating at every opportunity of free food, asking stores for free food, raiding my sister's apartment for free food and being jobless.

and for some reason, I havent lost any weight. In fact, I gained. WTF?! damn it erika! What is your secret! (how cheesy does that sound?!)

...

I'm getting into the oldies, mainly the beatles and bee gees. Also into radiohead and maybe some blur and muse. Its all thanks to my friendly asshole of a friend nathan who kindly gave me some mp3s to listen to (as if I had nothing better to do).

my neighbors in the area (jersey city) are awesome. it sucks that i have to leave jersey city. I would really like to live here but my parents have to make a living. ;_; they're so nice and they have a 60 inch plasma TV. and one of them is a pastery chef! OH MY GODS!

(Hmm.. its a good thing that my dad and I have the same shoe size because I'm wearing his sneakers right now. hehehe)

which he took back recently...

...

For a while, I was getting back into mangas

I miss it. I'm back to being completely apathetic about social life. I'd actually prefer sitting down now more than going out to new york (a waste of a vacation, right?)

my neighbor (in south jersey) has internet going for 54mbps SWEET~~~ surrendering.

so ta-ta as I read fruits basket vol 20.

spoilers: the couple is tohru and kyo~ OHMYGODZ!HOWTHEFUCKDIDTHATHAPPEN!?

2006-06-27T15:54:00.000-07:00

my life is one without a purpose at the moment.

I gave up with looking for a part-time job since last week. Thanks to lauren, I have a few friends I enjoy hanging out with. Thanks to my mom, I have a laptop. Thanks to immigrants, I have free food. Thanks to bizmark, I know that I have someone I can count on when shit falls.

...

Saturday was an eventful day. I planned to go home in south jersey to clean the house before my parents see it. I decided to take the new jersey transit. Meaning:

Train 1: from jersey city to newark
Train 2: from newark to trenton
Train 3: from Trenton to camden
Train 4: from camden to lindenwald

I was in newark then i realize that I have lost my wallet. My money was in there. All of it. I was distressed, slightly hyperventilated. I wanted do cry but didnt feel like it. I was very upset.

I called bizmark first and reported my situation. Then jobert, and lastly my sister.

"Funny story," I said. "I lost my wallet,"

A sleepy "good god" was what I heard on the other end.

Later, bizmark called me and said that he'll pick me up.

Four hours, 2 sketches and the feeling of absolute security later, bizmark appears from south jersey with his lackey, mike, and tells me he hates me.

we go over to the ticket meister and get our tickets and be on our way.

After train 3, we were out of money. rather, we have money but we're unable to produce it from our bank accounts. However, bizmark pulled through and got us home safe.

We visited eleana's then went to my house. I cleaned my mom's room and then proceeded to get drunk with bizmark, ben, mike and chrissy.

bizmark was sweet enough to hold my hair back as I vomitted in the toilet. Jobert was gracious enough to continue the job for him afterwards. I finally slept at 6am.

...

Sunday was a day of confusion. I told lauren that we're going to go see Feist for free in Central Park at 3pm.

I woke up at 9:30am, apologized to lauren and posponed the timing twice, moved it to 10 and then to 12nn.

I felt insanely sick and queezy. Lauren said she'll just meet me in jersey city instead. I was still smashed from the drinking but I trudged forward. I went to china town, took the bus and sat in tiredom and nausea. I wouldnt want to keep a friend waiting.

In the middle of my ride to NY, lauren called telling me she'll spend her day with austin instead. I personally didnt care who she'd spend it with but I was a bit pissed that I forced myself out of bed for nothing.

I could have slept more. something that erika cant do. HAH.

anyway, I arrived home and near the train station was a late celebration of philippine independence day. I went home, took a bath and went back to see what's there to see. It was apparently towards the end of it when this small carenderia was giving their stuff away for free.

I was all, "gusto ko libre~"

Later on, lauren calls me and tells me she's in new york. Mistakes exchange place for world trade center and met her at home instead.

...

Monday morning was lost to "interviews" and mad penny pinching. I lost my wallet, remember? Lauren was insistant that I hang around her and her boyfriend and promised me that they're not like normal couples.

I dont know. Thats what jim told me about him and melissa. I... I cant stand being with couples. I tolerate my sister and her husband because she's family and I get free food. EXPENSIVE free food. and free banana and peanut butter.

I told that to bizmark on the way home from hanging out with Nathan and T. (We watched A Tale of Two Sisters. Awesome by the way. Promised that we'd have a movie night with Zu-Zu too.) Bizmark flipped out about me hanging out with him less if he got a girlfriend.

well, I just dont do couples. You witnessed it when I wouldnt even let joey speak about her boyfriend in my presense.

Here's my deal: The reason why I hang out with friends is because we're all in a world of weirdness all together. However, if I'm with a couple, its like they're in their world and you obviously know that you're not part of it even if you were invited.

I do like my friends. but I'm a bit sad if they get significant others because, well, no matter how much they deny it they do become different. Their priorities are different. and what pisses me off is that they give more significance to the people they've only known for a short while than to those they've known for a year or more.

People start showing aspects of theselves I dont want to see. I didnt even want to see myself when i do mushy stuff. its a shameful action.

...

anyway, my parents are home. my mom brought me shopping at ross. everything I bought ended up to $100. (HOLY SHITE)

and my cellphone bill was $387. yes. I'm not talking to a certain someone anymore. I'm bored to often.

I'm sitting in my room, with awesome internet, sweating like theres no tomorrow.

I'm slowly getting back to the manga world. It's fun. Ahh~ the internet is a wonderful place. having a laptop just upgrade's the experience.

...

Free food bonanza:

I was walking home down broadway in new york at 11 in the evening. I was thirsty so I went into a convenience store with an open salad bar. while getting a drink, I noticed that the guy is just dumping all the food into a big trash can.

my filipino side kicked in and i felt both angry and pitiful for the poor discarded food. I asked the guy if I can have the food for free instead of him throwing it.

he told me to talk to the guy in the counter. I did and I said the same thing. The guy in the counter said I *CAN* take the food but Ihave to pay for the container.

As I was working my way alphabetically from fruits, meat and vegetable. I was stopped at fruits because I took too much.

well I walked a 30 minute walk to the trainstation carrying 5lbs of food on one hand.

ps. I like kiwi.

The second time was during my arrival in jersey city from philadelphia. It was a celebration of philippine independence day at a different day. so it was 6 and everyone was closing up their store and started giving their food free.

I was all. "Ako!! gusto ko ng libre~!"

fucktastic. <3

2006-06-19T07:05:00.000-07:00

Kuya: I do try to cheer up. but apparently, money maybe needed for this. -----ok. maybe not need. but it can definately help. ^_^

Erika: You can say emo. I admit it. I think I'm done with my emo phase. Actually I am. Thanks for... worrying...?

You + Sappy = block party celebration of erika showing emotion~!

I do curse those american movies of assholes who easily got jobs. but I dont know, my roomie lauren seems to be the girl right out of those movies. Well, I'm not white. Thats all I have to say. And oh my gosh, you actually remember stuff from nickelodeon

I love how you want to buy me food. <3 hohw about just simple tapsilog and sisig? and sans the hepatitis?

Priti did treat me to food. <3 I love her. She's so nice. I did say hi for you. I forgot the smile part. but aww man, seeing prit was such a joy. I havent been hyper for anything for the longest time.

Chat: I sadly, sadly agree. ;_;

...

certain thoughts are slowly welling in me. (welling?)

1. My sister is a nice person...? Aside from the slight pressure of living in new york, she's completely ok and very encouraging. Very different from the sister I remember when I was a kid.

She treats me out to food. She helps me with looking for a job. Hell, she's the one that got me that amazing temporary job though the power of connections.

2. I'll never get a job like that again. It was a fun job. It was a job I wouldnt mind doing for the rest of my life. It was a job I wouldnt mind doing the whole day. *tear* It sadly lasted for only 2 weeks and a half.

the best part was that the interview process didnt exist. I suck at interviews.

3. Lauren may finally get her shit together. She got a job at a uniform place as a cashier. I'm proud of her.

4. Jobert has money. I'm very proud of him. <3

5. I have to seriously take things into consideration. About my future i mean. I dont know what the fuck I'm doing. But I do agree with what my brother in law said "Its summer. Enjoy it. Just finish your degree and everything will follow."

Seeing his apartment makes me want to trust his words. I love his apartment. I'd love to steal it from them if I can.

...

As my sister was slowly pressing on me to study in new york, my thoughts started to stirr a little. The whole, new york or philly deal, playing in my mind again. But this time, I'm sure I want to go to the university of arts.

Mostly because of friends. Its hard for me to find people I can actually have (constant and idiotic) fun with. though I dont have that many here, and it amybe a cursed friendship (judging by what happened to bob and pete) I'll take my chances and stay in south philly for college.

Though I still want to go to parsons. but its too late to apply anyway. and I hate the people who go there. I hate too many things. I hate too many crowds. Not that I really, really hate them, or take offense towards them. Its just that I have a strong preference to not be exposed into that type of crowd.

Mostly because they are pretentious douche bags who look down on people (who are sad and insecure) like me.

...

And so I'm proud of aurora~ working in the japanese foundation. surrounded by hot jap boys everyday *tear* ENVY~~

dude. there are a lot of japanese here but no hotties. ;_;

...

Isaw priti on thursday last week. She's going home today (I dont remember what time) for either UK or the philippines. but seriously, seeing her was such a joy and such perfect timing. being with her made me remember that I dont need to interact with the other races to be happy.

but I remember, she dragged me into the store where this guy (I *might* like) works. I wouldnt want to say that I like him because he... he's not pretty. he's not hot... he's... normal. and sadly, with tattoos. what the fuck. I didnt even know he had that till the second time I came around. why does god do this to me?!

and so I talked with him for a while, and when I came back with prit she said "EEe~ candalf talked with a boy~~ <3" she made me blush. <3

I love those things. Those stupid, childish high school remarks like we're still in poveda and we havent gone out into the world yet.

haha. it was a joy. aww. I wish you guys would come over here for the while =_=;; it would be so nice.

...

I feel evil and horrible. The Pillows are having a concert on thursday and I still havent bought the tickets to it. But you know, that is a highly probable area to watch jap boys gather. O_o do able, do able.

well, as for the music and art scene, I'm completely stagnant. I havent been bending towards any direction except for giving Tool an open ear.

No comics except for me re-reading sandman comics. I would have read it faster if my laptop would stop bullshitting me.

yea. you heard me, pudding! stop it!

so thats all for now. ciao~

2006-06-13T16:33:00.000-07:00

I kind of had a bad day today.

My day started with me waking up and lauren wasnt home. I was kind of worried that she might have been taken advantage of getting lost in china town at midnight.---or she met some guy in the bus and over nighted at his place.

apparently my latter prediction deemed itself true. I met lauren on the way to the train station, happy that she's fine and she's didnt get lost.

So I went off to work waiting for my boss' call on what time I should start today. I called her instead and i was told that the original assistant was back from his vacation and that I'm done. She'll call me if he ever takes a day off.

So that was the end of the dream job. I called lauren and asked her if she'd like to go job hunting together. She sounded enthusiastic about it.

So I waited for lauren in my sisters apartment. Then waited for her at the world trade center. Then waited for her around union square. apparently, eating a pound of cherries makes me gas-y thus the waiting became a more unpleasant game.

It was hot, I was bloated and gas-y and lauren still wasnt around.

I decided, "fuck this. I kinda had plans for me and lauren to do today (which was taco tuesday) but screw it, I'm going home."

as I was typing a long-ass message to bizmark how the job hunting went, lauren called. and my text message disappeared and wasnt saved.

I dont like typing with that effing cell.

Lauren was apologetic. She left her cellphone in the house and apparently, her house keys. She felt really bad about it and very sad.

For some reason, I couldnt get mad. my head was saying to itself, "oh... again... ah.." its like, its been disappinted too many times in its life that it doesnt care anymore.

Now, I'm just sitting in the cafe near my house, treating myself to a peanut butter pie. Lauren offered to cook me something but I declined. I wanted a treat, not really dinner.

So here I am, wasting my money. you know what. I jsut burned 250 bucks in a week. the problem is, I didnt even go shopping. So that means it was mostly spent on food and transportation.

can you imagine that?!

I hate freaking america. Except for the few nice people. yey~

I wish that people I knew were here so it would have been more fun. <3 like a road trip.

So good luck to me getting a new summer job tomorrow. I'm going to spend tomorrow seeing a manufacturer from my previous job (he's a sweet pappy, I like talking to him.) and a date with priti <3 YEY!

2006-06-12T13:53:00.000-07:00

Can I just say that Chuck Palahniuk and Radiohead make the perfet "coffee and cake" combination?

...

Aurora: sweetie. *huggles* december is around the corner! six more months!! YEY!! white people arent worthy of attention. but apparently, my (how corny is this line:) heart contradicts my head. I hope I'm delusional.

hahaha-- Not funny.

Greta: aww. Ihave a playstation 1 right now. I'm pissed because it takes so long too load. I'm too impatient for that. I'll play ff3 and chrono trigger this summer. I'm too lazy for xenogears (no matter how awesome it is)

hahaha alipin ng pagibig? It sounds like the title for your harem. its adorable. and carrot at the same time. I love it. you should make a comic with that.

oh greta. I'm emotionally injured. hows that? rawr~

...

the drama is over. I gained new friends and lost old friends (not really old considering I just met them 3 months ago). I'm now into new places and I cant return to the old ones. How sad is that?

I cant believe what just happened. and I cant help but think I'm the bad person. Not really bad but I'm the creepy person. good god. I was trying to stay sane but apparently trying to focus stretched my limits and brought me to Coo-coo land.

All I have to say is: white people. dont meddle with them. They're stupid and they'll bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.

but no. I was the asshole and crazy creepy bitch of the scene. In my defense, all I can say was that:

1. he was white.
2. he's a man whore.
3. he would have brought the creepiness out of you too given the situation.

so its done. guys, this is the last time you'll hear of bob.

and apparently the psychic had horrible lag with her predictions.

...

I've been reading naruto again.

all I have to say is:

1. EWW sai is STAYING?!
2. Sasuke, isnt as hot as I thought he would be. but good enough. his costume is gayer and I was uber turned on when he put his arm around naruto. (tee-hee)
3. sakura... sakura should have died.
4. sasuke... sasuke should have had sweet gay romance with naruto. they should have been all like:
sasuke: naruto... I havent seen you in a long time...
naruto: sasuke.. lets fuck.
sasuke: sure ~<3
but thats just me. >_>;

...

Today I had a vanilla cream puff. I remember aly was talking about it. It was insanely delicious but troublesome to eat down the street. you'd get suggestive glances.

I hate suggestive glances. its like they have nothing better to do. but then again, if I have nothing better to do and absolutely no shame, I would have done the same time.

but people dont put themselves in the situation which makes them vulnerable for suggestive glances.

(Ooo... I wonder what priti's doing today... )

But! point is: new york. I'm too poor for it and too fat. it kills me. I'm too poor, fat and unattractive for new york.

new york is like one gigantic high school drama. if youre not in, you dont exist. and I'm absoltely cool with non existing--- because that was my high school life. *
thumbs up*

...

Apparently, I dont know what to get back into. I have no interests at the moment and my latest addiction wasnt downloadable-- and didnt give me any energy boosts at all.

Lets see:
1. jap music, game music, opm, indie music
2. anime and manga// scanlations
3. fashion, photography
4. instrument playing
5. photoshop

I have nothing that i feel like going back to. maybe, I'll try to get into something new. maybe buddhism. or maybe a new program. or maybe... somethign that can get me money.

you know what, I've always wanted a tatoo. you know what, I'm seriously getting out of hand. I'm so fucking bored, I dont have steady fast internet. what the hell is happening?!

so, so now... I dont know what the fuck I'm doing. this is a boring summer. I kinda expected to do so much more but.. yea. This isnt, hmm. I have a lot of free time. =x. I wouldnt have had so much free time if I had good intenet.

2006-06-03T22:39:00.000-07:00

greta: sweetie. I dont know what I'd do without you. <3

...

The drama, apparently, according to the psychic, is far from over. So fuck them.

...

my life is kind of on a stand still, though its actually not but i feel like it is. I'm in jersey city right now. I have a pretty good temp job, my comic will be getting a start on as soon as my laptop comes in next week, and I'm living with a friend and not with my family for the summer.

but for some reason, I still feel tied and i feel like nothing is going on. I seriously miss the philippines. I miss how it feels like having to care about school, homework, your asshole of a classmates, trying not to be late for a date with your friends and all that non dramatical shit.

I miss my friends. I miss how guys never came into my life. I miss how I would throw homosexual jokes at each other. I miss being a kid. I still dress like I'm 14 (apparently). I miss being in high school. but the pain of nostalgia is numbed over. everything right now is numbed over.

haha. I hate my fucking life.

I got a myspace by the way. thus proves that I am an unoffical american. the only thing missing is my citizenship.

bullcrap. I cant believe this.

...

so, no more bob and pete for me. no more nursing for me. I feel like I went back to square one as if the first two years of college never existed.

I'm really sorry I havent been online for the longest time. I'm really sorry that I'm weird and that I'm turning american. apparently, change will happen. but I hope i wont let go of somethings.

I'm really tired of emo blogging. but its the only thing going on with me right now. I've been wating for this stupid phase to pass me. Its been how long? two months? three?

I'm really sorry for having to not be myself anymore. I still want to keep this blog. I've had this blog since I was in 2nd year high school. yea. right when jobert moved to america so that he knows whats happening to me.

but I'm pretty sure this blog will stay for a long time, even if no one reads it anymore. =p

I miss you guys.

2006-05-20T07:09:00.000-07:00

wednesday was movie night.

it was comedy movie night. apparently, the movies we watched did nothing to ease the stupidity of the drama that is our lives.

some scenes and characters were echos of me and bizmark's soap opera.

I didnt remember what happened to me that morning anyway. i guess it was a calm day. I was supposed to be packing. but I took a drive to I-dont-know-where. in the middle of driving bizmark called and wanted to hang out.

how could I say no to my tragic soul-brother?

we watched movies till 7 in the morning. I was treated with ice cream and movie, thanks to bizmark.

Thursday, I cancelled my meet with bruce for brunch. and just spent the afternoon with bob to watch Brick (which was an awesome-ass movie by the way).

after hoagie and ice cream, I went home and packed some of my clothing.

I talked to bizmark in the evening about my situation with the said person. I'm mostly telling people because I cant figure out why I like him. because its insane to like a guy like that. I mean, like him in a non-one-night-stand way. I must be freaking mental.

thursday happened so fast. I forgot that thursday happened.

but the problem was friday.

friday, I had breakfast with bruce. completely clarified that we were just friends (thank god). short shopping trip with lauren that was hindered by time and lack of discount cards. trip to have my car's radio fixed (its free too!). met with rehanna and nia and talked about hot jap boys and going clubbing to get hot asian boys.

evening was my "going away party" which wasnt really a party but a small gathering of drinks. Only lauren got drunk. and good god. never get lauren drunk with guys again. and with a cell phone as a matter-o-factly.

I was only tipsy. it was weak. lauren was bombed after 2-3 smirnoffs. (whoever you spell it). I called up pete. funny. pete was with the said person. I told pete that I wanted to talk to him. and he wouldnt let me.

I called pete 4 times. 2 of the four leaving a voice message about his extra long voice message, him commiting sweet passinate man-love to said person (its just me, I'm fucked up) and whatever else I cant remember.

my phone rang an unfamiliar number. it was the said person. we talked back and fourth because the signal in bizmark's dad's house is weak. and apparently I dragged my pathetic ass back hanging in the gallows and blown off in not the most sexual context.

lauren took the phone and started talking to the said person. I felt like an item for auction as she explained to him my "good qualities." I'm trying to lose the guy and what the fuck are you doing?!

bizmark came to my aid soon and was so tempted to slap me silly because of my damn foolish act. I did this to myself.

and I still dont get why. am I a fucking masochist?!

we soon left bizmark's dad's house and went to rob's house. we chatted some more about how us nice people who want so little and simple things got crap. I ended up sleeping over in robs house at 3:50.

I later woke up at 7am. realizing: "holy shit. its not about me wanting to talk to him. this whole thing, trying to get his number back, was like a game to me. because now I have his number (again), and I still want to delete it."

...

oh by the way, I drive better when theres some alcohol in me.

and three times, about this whole crappy situation, someone said: "aww candalf is growing up."

fuck you. haha.

...

candalf: i like a man who loves his meat.
rehanna: and that can be taken in both ways. <3

2006-05-16T07:48:00.000-07:00

I'm so fucking done with it. All this is building up for the departure.

Friday:
friday afternoon was the time I was supposed to spend with <--> talking about the issue at hand. I was emotional. I was confused. I was funking annoying. I was ditched and forgotten for an errand. part of me was happy. part of my was sad and demanded an end. I replaced him with a nice soak at the tub. however, maybe I still wished to talk to him about it.

thus, I spent the evening with lauren and went to philly. I was insulted by a black dude in the train, bragging about his nursing career. telling me that I can fuck my way to the top of any career.

I was so fucking pissed, laughing and shaking my head, smiling, and happy with the thought that he'll die like the rest of us.

I figured we'd eat in a vegetarian restaurant. the imitation sweet and sour pork was divine. my awesome burp caught applause from the table behind us and later, company from two guys in their early thirties who are up for a stroll and a chat.

Met Aj and his buddy Drew. both knew each other form the pensylvania university of fine arts. and they are they awesomesause. you know those guys who you think are gay but arent. thats them and they are fucking awesome.

the brief chat and stroll was enjoyed and probability of meeting again was increased by an invitation. we're not picking up guys. Aj has his own lady love, I have issues with an asshole. and the 35 year old was hitting on my jailbait friend.

saturday:
was work. afterwords, hanging out with lauren ensued. this time we went to deptford mall. this was my attept to forget about the said person. met bizmark and chris and their friend mike over the food court. went to the movies and apparently became dragged into the whole american soap opera of the millenium.

its complicated shit that I dont want to think of.

anyway. that was the night bizmark lost his wallet.

sunday:
spent the morning with pete, chinese food, The Gamers, and ice cream. still trying to forget the said person. mopy and all.

spent the afternoon and evening with bob, tuna salad, guitaring and a walk around rite aid (like a mercury drug store but bigger). managed to have a decent day.

made the idiot mistake of calling said person 2 times and leaving one message.

monday:
spent 3 hours of the morning with bizmark, looking for his wallet, got locked out of his car and had to jump start his battery.

the talk with bizmark left me with a conclusion to talk to said person and end it all. calling the said person made me realize I should just forget about it and just sever connections so I left a confusing message and just put down the phone.

spent the lunch with jim and mel and lauren. got called from said person and cancelled on a meeting i didnt remind him of because he was tired and feeling sick. I said, "ok."

the rest of the afternoon, I turned numb and sarcastic and insensitive, throwing bitter remarks with no meaning behind them.

later, Lauren confessed that she was also frustrated with the world. it made me happy that she expressed it. I was at one of my lowest lows. and she, apparently wasnt.

going home was hindered by the purchase of sweet treats. we were trying to remedy our hearts under the cloudy skies of philly. and soon, it hailed. it hailed like a mother-fucker.

my first experience of hail. chunks of ice around half an inch in diameter fell from the sky. we rushed ourselves to the train station. and then it hard, thick dropplets of rain poured down.

it was dramatic. it was cleansing. we were being baptized. blessed, even. i wanted slavation. i wanted justice. i wanted to cry and scream but didnt have the courage to. and then the sky just did it for me. it was beautiful.

we both giggled in the train. it was like a ritual. it was so fantastic. the emotions. the timing. the climax and the ending. it was like we were in a movie.

I tried hard again to swallow the swelling of homesickness that always lingers at the back of my mouth.

we're going to be in jersey city for the summer. we realized, fuck south jersey. fuck camden county college. fuck everything. I'm tired of being nice, sensitive and considerate when all i get is emotional drinage and false hopes.

after lauren, i visited my friend vitoria who is one of the few people that allows me to talk about the said person becasue she's having similar problems but to a more serious degree.

we talked and was joined by bizmark in the later eve. we shared bitterness and spite towards people and situations. towards the insane love-hate realtionships. towards longing and being mislead and lied to.

how did it all happen? I just wanted to be fucking happy. I was just trying to be less homesick.

Tuesday:
I left victorias house after having only 2 hours of sleep. I went home and took a bath and enjoyed myself in the company of my nursing classmates.

afterwards, stopped by bob's house to watch The Gamers. Lauren called and told me joey wanted to see us. excited, i left as soon as we finished watching the movie. went back to my house, took a crap and left for lauren's place to pick her up.

we saw joey in borders. we missed the guy. but lauren missed him more than me. I missed him for nostalgia. I never had much in common for that mod kid. but I did enjoy his company and character.

we ended up walking over to hagfish's house and stayed in his smelly basement for the meanwhile just watching "meet the fockers." I was the idiot who went to myspace and saw the said person and his online sweetie's pic. I was the idiot who walked out of the house and called bizmark to share the feeling of confusion.

I didnt do much in hagfish's house. I didnt not like it, nor like it. I was mulling over uncertain feelings. I was wondering what I was numb about. I'd rather be sad about the said person than something I dont know about. because 95% of the time, I dont know what I'm numb about.

I didnt want to leave because lauren was having a fun time with joey. i thought it was cute and I felt like such a third wheel so i disappeared for the mean while.

later on, driving her back home. she commented in dislike for my insensitive tone.

...

to Lauren:
I"m sorry. but for the past 45 hours, I've only had 2 hours of sleep. I havent even drank a single ounce of caffine the whole time. I'm sorry that when I'm tired, my arms become lazy and my driving becomes sloppy and abrupt. I'm sorry that I cant produce a pleasant sounding voice because I was so thirsty that my throat hurt when I talk. I'm sorry that I felt bad about myself when you had worse experience than me and I should have just smiled and pretended I was happy or sad and not be inbetween feelings. I'm sorry that my apathy was insensitive to you when it had nothing to do with you in the first place. I should have just kept it to myself.

next time, I'll be more sensitive. next time, I'll pay attention to you more. next time, I'll try my hardest to sound extra nice to you. next time, I'll stop mulling over my feelings and feel hurt because you're also hurt with your issues and my problems pale in comparison so I have no right to even complain about mine.

I"m sorry. I'll do better next time. all for you.

2006-05-13T06:17:00.000-07:00

Greta: greta. that... that actually sounds like an awesome plot... I'd actually help out to make a comic like that. just because I admire hitler and I'm all for the awkward foreigner killing white people.

sweetie, I need more that just some tlc from you. *wink*

oh greta, if I didnt love you, you would have been dead long ago. *huggles* sweetie.

Anyway, hope you feel better soon. And stop digging holes. it's not... healthy.

char: yea. maybe. *hmmm* but hell, what can I do? that woman still did a highly agreed unsatisfactory job.

aurora: thats true. speaking of white people, my white friends are demanding better reasons for me to hate them. I cant really think of any because they dont understand that being white in the first place is a major burn.

thanks for feeding me miyavi <3 oh god he's so pretty~! I usually get disturbed with the tatoos but his skin looks so smooth and pale it's a gorgeous canvas.

d00d. your mad internet skills are tre awesome. <3 you're my hero. and i love you for bringing me back to completely unattainable hot hot hot uber hot jap boys <3

...

guess what bitches. the oh so awesome me can now drive in new jersey~ WHOOHO!!

...

NARUTO SPOILERS!!

to those who are reading the manga lately, sai's turn for the better doesnt justify that he's a fag with a mid-driff who is a rip off of seta soujirou. (who was, i think, my first love)

but yes. he became even more than a pussy now that he was earlier and I pretty sure he has the hots for naruto and just wants to see naruto happy.

excuse me sai. I think naruto deserves more than you. hell! more than sasuke. naruto deserves a real man. like the ever pretty boy itachi. BWAHAHAHAHA! let the gayness ensue!

...

candalf: why do you want to know?
person: because, i want to know whats going win with the people I know.
candalf: well, I only want to know whats going on with the people i care about, and its awesome that theres only a handful of them so its easy to keep track.
person: well, I"m honored to be in that list
candalf: *i didnt say you were in it.* yea...

it would have been the most awesome burn in history. but I didnt say anything. curses.

...

everything thats going on with me right now is so emo, its not worth typing. BUT SCHOOL IS DONE.

I'm uber sad that I wont be hanging around my nuring study buddies anymore. I really enjoyed their company though this semester though. and i feel loved whenever they say i suck that I'm leaving nursing and they dont want me to leave <3.

however, I really do hate nursing. and I dont want to leave just because of them. but I've also got friends over in the computer graphics area. but more creepy people reside there than the nursing area. >_>

so I pray for my survival.

...

and so the emo and the soap opera continues but its not as heavy as i once thought it was--- rather hardcore over heavy.

come summer, I'll be away from them and maybe everything will cool down. and if aurora was awesome, she'd visit me. T_T

VISIT ME! and we shall stalk jap boys in joy together. <3

...

seriously, being emailed the title, "sunshine on south street" added a tint of pink to my cheeks. (though it was mailed in the most platonic sense. I lack expressions of endearment and other platonic and fun terms from guys who dont like me in THAT sense.)

however, it can also be considerably racist since I am yellow. but hell, its a double edged sword.

...

friday morning was a failed bicycling lesson with lauren. she was supposed to teach me but her newly auction bought bicycle (which looked pretty old) was too tall for her.

a pass by at bob's place to share some garlic knotts from lauren's place that I was obsessed with.

and a supposed treat to lunch/dinner (rather linner, or dunch or lupper, or sunch) with dan that he forgot, so I replaced him with a nice soak in the tub, store hopping, a discovery that I'm wearing the wrong bra size, being poor from paying gas and a visit to philly.

On the patco (train to philly), there was a black guy who was obsessed with him being a nurse. obviously vain about his job, earning $40/hr and telling me not to quit nursing school.

as me and lauren neared our exit, the guy was telling me that I had a pretty face and that I can fuck my way to the top. he even went out of his way to pose, put one foot on the chair and say his hips.

I was so insulted and disrespected, it was funny. I was laughing, smiling and shaking my head thinking, "that mother-fucking will fucking die." that guy pissed me off so bad that I didnt even feel like bothering with him. so from a happy to appathetic to sour to appathetically bitter and sarcastic.

I felt bad for being so self-centered and decided to go to that vegetarian restaurant in china town that lauren always wanted to go to.

and from there I have tasted a very delivious imitation sweet and sour pork and gave the most awesome, disgusting burp known in human history.

it apparently attracted two friends talking to each other and a high five.

after eating, lauren started chatting with them and I invited myself over to the conversation. One was a teacher of pensylvania (however you spell it) of fine arts and the other was a human figure model and a nurse's aid.

they were very young acting despite their age (33 and 35) and were very intouch with their sexuality (metrosexual minus the extra pamper and is alright with physical contact). They were very interesting and we enjoyed ourselves for an hours talk while walking around south street.

but strangely Aj opened up more to me when I confessed about my plaguing troubles for a certain someone. I think its because he feared that i might like him and he's not interested. but I guess I cant blame him if that happens to him every time and he's fucking tired of it.

but EXCUSE ME. I have fucking high standards. even hot real jap boys only met half of those standards. thats why the guys I usually like are fictional.

dont you dare compliment yourself by thinking that I like you, because that's HIGHLY UNLIKELY.

...

seriously, I'm just sitting around, getting fat and eating ice cream. I should stop. But what is there to do?!

2006-04-29T04:51:00.000-07:00

Aurora: dude, can you believe. I had a period in my life when I havent had an interval between meals were 27 hours O_o;;

I just didnt feel like eating. dude. I'm super stressed. but I'm all about new zeland if we can burn orlando bloom to the ground.

I'm pathetic. I'm full of shit. hahaha! in short, I'm constipated. as always. you know what's the one thing I want most in the world? a nice colon. I'm serious.

Greta: Its true. religion IS about survival. thats kind of interesting. I never thought about it that way. well I kinda did, but when I came down to it, it would save my sanity if I just told my mom the truth. I dont like being a liar and continuously lie ("did you go to church?!")

I wouldnt be surprised if hitler was constipated. he's an artist turned dictator.

dude I'm like an awesome suitor. I think I'd make the perfect boyfriend if I ever thought of getting a sex change. but sadly, it'll be uber yaoi couplings. harhar.

excuse me! I think erika is clearly our property that we're too selfish to share. but pictures we can sell! I'm all for it.

Erika: people say I'm more violent when drunk. I think i swear more. I wasnt drunk I was just tipsy and let all the logic shut out of me.

I'm all about life altering decisions. thats what america is all about. it scars you to just have a life alterning decision.

dude. people are getting uber pissed off at me for forcing them into gay relations. its sad. I'm uberly deprived of my usual dose of gayity.

char: there was a cd? greta didnt get a cd, did she?

kuya: yea. financial independence in the philippines takes very long though.

...

we were discussing beavis and butthead:

flash: so do they show any of that in korea?
candalf: you're an asshole.
flash: wh--what?! what did I do?!
candalf: I'm from the fucking philippines, bitch.

nothing...

its just that, I get pissed off when people thinking im from SOMEWHERE ELSE!

and I have to defend my reason why I hate white people from them: "because they're white and I love to hate."

but it's sad though. I'm a supposed racist who has white friends. >_> what the hell?!! and apparently they have a plan to stop me from disliking white people.

but... they're WHITE. and they're my friends. what.. what the HELL?!

...

Silent Hill is apparently a pretty popular movie among the gamer circles. I'm just being dragged to it.

well, I told them I kinda didnt want to go. because watching horror movies makes me more afraid of the dark than i usually am. since I have a very active imagination.

because I'm easily scared, and people like laughing about it. its mean, but I got used to it. I think I'm a bit almost over my paranoia because I'm using a personal therapy to work with it.

a therapy that is heavily based on assumptions and bullshit. go me!

...

I have forced pretty boy alex to be my classmate. surprisingly he might be in all my classes. now, I'll try not to hook him up with a guy.

try.

...

and so this week was a hassle. I wanted to type abou it but I couldnt find the time to not slack around and hanging out with people instead of studying.

but if you guys are intersted to know. I dug a hole for myself in the dark and when morning came, i realized that the hole wasnt so deep and I felt stupid digging such a useless hole and I was extremely happy about that.

but since tuesday, a fated day that was april 25, I havent been able to eat properly nor sleep properly. since tuesday, I've only eaten once or twice (at most) a day and I've been only sleeping for 5 hours.

I assume that I have gotten a parasite from my friend. I'll kill him now.

and I realize that its ok to be horribly blunt. though some things are not to be said, I'd rather have it out of my chest and out there than keep it in and not get results.

because people are confusing. you dont know what they want. I dont know what they want. it helps to just clear the air out and know what your doing and why instead of suddenly being at denny's (a diner) at 2 in the afternoon and your friend dropping you off at school and looking at you like that person is expecting something from you, but you just leave and say bye.

that was descrpitive.

but if you're wondering what I'm doing, I'm just going with the flow. I'll try to see where it takes me and if the destination point sucks, the flow will have a pineapple up its ass.

you heard me.

and thanks to my friend lauren and aurora, my theme songs are:
1. car by built to spill
2. butterfly by asian kung fu generation

man, friday was such a tough day for me. I woke up earier than my alarm clock and called aurora with shaking hands.

friday, wasnt as big as i thought it would be. I'm happy. if it was, then it would have been the climax of my soap opera.

but if you want an idea of what happened: bob and I were hugging for a while in the stairwell and i was sobbing just a little. i felt so thankful and forgiven. ---------how dramatic can you get.

after that moment. I was so fucking drained of life, everything else was nothing but a blurred memory.

...

last night I was reminded about how a fan girl I was as I was oogling at the dashing and gorgeous face of miyavi. (google him)

I dont know whether I want to be a girl and do him, or be a guy and do him. he's a pretty little thing isnt he? with also a manly voice. not as manly as hyde's but manly enought to throw you off for a second.

and for a while I read some yaoi manga. I missed it. I missed being a perverted little ass. its been a while. I'm lacking lesbian and gay jokes--- its sad.

but hell, I'm being called awesome once in a while over here and I think i can live with that. still homesick about it though.

and ohmygosh. yuki from larc cut his hair. its fucking ugly. hyde's hair is short and dyed golden brown. tetsu still looks like he got botox. (meeaaan~) and ken is just ken <3 I love that guy coz he never changes.

...

my hosue is a mess. everything is a mess. it's been a mess for quite a while. it pisses me off but I dont feel like doing anything about it.

I have two major tests next week and I dont feel like studying about it. I have two majoy finals the week after (at the same day) and I dont feel like studying about it. I want to be suspended in the midair of thought for a really long time because I dont know whats happening to me.

its an upsetting thing. its like watching a car crash in slow motion. sadly, I know what I'm suppsoed to be doing but I just lack the motivation to do it.

speaking of car crashes. I wonder if there's someone that can pick me up from lauren's house on a sunday night. I only have so few people that might be able to pick me up. i curse my inability to drive.

however this cursing will end soon. next week is may. my road test is coming soon. luck to me.

...

my finale is a scandalous quite of the week: "thats so hot. I dont know if I'm wet or bleeding."

hell yea. check that for imagery and perverted imagination, bitch.

2006-04-14T12:21:00.000-07:00

char: sorry sweetie. my hotmail is gone for good. I havent updated it in a long time and it finally resetted itself.

navi: sweet. umm. most likely I can really go at it by mid may when I'm finally done with school.

aurora: haha thanks for the offer sweetie. but I'm fine. I'm pretty sure top shop can wait. maybe I'll get a job so that when I go back I can splurge. O_O can you imagine it?! are you still going to jersey?! I'm waiting~

I consider myself a coconut. ^_^ brown on the outside and white on the inside. I'm very awesome.

depends. I like spam when Its thin and crispy. ^_^ i dont like it when its fat and soggy. same way with bacon too ^_^

...

and so I'm back in america.

bitching.

most of me wishes i stayed longer and got to enjoy my company even more and visited the people I wanted to visit but apparently I didnt have enough time. and hell, I guess I can only ask for so much. but, I have experienced a full range of emotions there. from uber happy to uber pissed. and my little skit after the traffic officer got my license.

but god knows. It could have been worse.

my sister's wedding was pretty awesome. I heard that my speech was better than the best man. it better be because I was paid for it. BWAHAHAHAHA! I think that made the wedding worth while.

a little wine goes a long way apparently. and my alcohol tolerance is pretty low.

my mom told me that my tita's were surprised by my speech. because they mostly know me as the kid who sits in the corner during family parties and doesnt talk to anyone.

Its not that I cant. its that I wont.

Everyone was as funny, weird, nice and a racist as I remember. everything was fun. I was very happy. thank you!

...

its holy week this week and apparently, my ignorant self has made a big boo boo on my mom.

I told her I'm agnostic right and she called me last night to see if I went to mass. I said I didnt, because I'm agnostic.

later on jobert kinda got pissed at me and told me that I should have lied to her and told her i did. and said something about me being stupid follwing my morals.

now I'm really confused. Though I would usually be a happy person by following what I believed in. now I am confused if I'm allowed to have morals and follow them or if Its just the religion thing I'm supposed to lie about.

I kinda had a hard time thinking about it last night and it bothered me. should I wait till I have a job before I can finally not go to church?

am I back to square one? I was pretty upset that my mom didnt take my "agnosticicsm" (how ever you spell that crap of a word) seriously. I'm not about religion. in all honesty, I dont fucking care what you lable me as. though I slightly find the title Heretic appealing and so rebellious.--------- point is that I dont think I should practice something that I dont find meaning or purpose in. and for me that's my case. not to insult anyone or anything.

this is about me. not you. this is my blog. not yours. this is my opinion about how i should live my life. and you can criticise it but you cant say its right or wrong because its an OPINION. you hear that patricia cancio? OPINION. FREEDOM OF FUCKING SPEECH. get that in your fucking dictionary.

ok. maybe THAT part was meant to insult someone. but I've had a mole in my back called patrica cancio that I've been itching to scratch since I saw the crap job of a year book that we had.

"we're the first ones with the colored year book, we also have a CD. thats why its taking two years to finish." bull-mother fucking-shit. the design was crappy and I'm not the only one who is completely disappointed. and no one is surprised that you took some of the money from the funds and fled off to europe with it.

thats what i hear. and I admit that I believe in the unreliable second-- or maybe 5th-- source of information which sounds so believeable, not to mention predictable, to my ears.

...

my white white friend lauren told me that she had measles. the day later she was admitted in the hospital, she just had an allergic reaction to something.

that took a while.

It reminded me of the time when I had measles which I choose not to dwell upon because I was a bitter, bed ridden, teenager who just bore the discovery for angst.--- in short, a pussy.

but on to the movies of the friday.

friday is now considered movie day. and I'm very happy. because I hardly got to watch any movies for a really long time. thus yesterday, I watched scary movie 4 and anchorman. and I'm pretty sure that I would have liked anchorman more if there were subtitles and people were talking less.

thursday, in the philippines was lesboday. but this thursday was apprently "skinny white boys wear shorts day" which was I think a conspiracy.

because I'm not used to people wearing shorts. strangely. because I have 3 brothers. I dont know. its just ...weird. I'm just too used to people wearing pants in the winter then. come summer everyone will be wearing shorts and I might be the only one left wearing pants because I refuse my legs to exist soley on its own.

I'll wear a skirt then. a long one at that. I do love the draft in hot weather.

...

I would love to tattle on and on, especially about the current chapters of naruto, but apparently this jewish dish that I ate from a jewish friend is giving me the bowels.

he did mention that I will paint the walls of my bathroom with my shit if I eat it. I thought of it as a good thing because... I'm constipated. I love telling people I'm constipated. I dont know why. they have this disgusted reaction that pleases me. same thing about yaoi. BWAHAHAHAHA!!!

I'm weird.

2006-04-03T18:58:00.000-07:00

Navi: thanks for the educational article. I cant believe that even if I knew what to do i cant do it because I dont have the time.

I curse trying to have a social life getting in the way.
But I'm pretty sure I'm going the right track. come summer. I swear to god, I'll make my first comic/issue. and I'm pretty sure your offer is still up, yes?

Erika: you're amazing. I'm so happy you're trying to keep up with me. all the sudden I just kept on feeling like typing and shite.

and I'm all for the V for vendetta electronic variety. I mean, thats where i first read Endless Nights-- and then i got the book.

I love avenue Q. my sister is trying to book a show for me but we never have the time =D I'm le excited for it.

oh erika. well, I do like a white person. and that's you. *burn* BWAHAHAHA!! its funny cause you're white.

Aurora: balldate ;_; I thought... I thought you'd stick by me amongst all people!!

agree that love must be reserved for the fictional. except for you guys. you're so hot, you're real.

I curse horrible timing. I will see you soon and we will celebrate with alcohol, food and pretty ~~gay~~ boys.

Joey: GASP! I LOVE BOTH!!! i think... uhh... depends what brownies you're making. =O but I'm on a diet! CURSES!!

...

I have told greta the soap opera that is my life. and I will tell you guys when I get back home. I'll tell you about it mostly because: I dont know how it happened, it just did, and it all happened so fast, so I dont really know anything anymore.

but damn you for your horrible idea that I will have a "white love life." Apparently, I'm the only one in that table who didnt date, have a relationship and/or chase anyone in the table.

because you know what, my standards are just fucking high. so high that no mere human can achieve it. and thats where anime comes along.

but yes. bob is a sweet heart. I'm so happy we're such good friends and he forgives my racistness.

however, there are always racist jokes being thrown around and its really funny. one time, bob called his dad because we were planning to stay over at his house to watch him play kingdom hearts II.

bob: dad, can I have my friends over?
dad: who are you bringing?
bob: an asian, a jew and a black guy.

and it was funny.

I felt like the united nations. though sometimes I dont know what I'm doing hanging out with them since I cant relate to what most of them are saying. the only time I have ever been active in a conversation is when we were discussing naruto.

because naruto is my imaginary kid. <3

and so there were a couple of things that I got pissed off with. one guy said that I was a twinky and the other said that I was the most americanized asian they know. also that philippines isnt considered asian.

and that's when I started violently attacking everyone.

but then again, why would i want to be paired up with the chinese and japanese? so I guess its better.

josh: philippines isnt technically asian. I think its considered asia minor
bob: but she's 20.
-2 days later-
candalf: holy fuck! I got the joke!

...

and so I am supposed to go to the university of philadelphia open house today to check out my future major of multimedia. but the thing is, I didnt go because:

1. the guy who's going with me cant go because he's poor. (fuck! I'm not going there alone! surrounded by these posh indie kids with better talent than me and then I'll reflect on how much I'll suck and I'll lack the courage to actually go in multimedia.)
2. I woke up too late for the registration to get in.

fuck.

...

and so new jersey has a popular "the shore." which is mostly a board walk and crowds of people.

I dont know why people go there considering the shore's beach is awefully dirty.

because awefully dirty can mostly equal to stinkly ala manila bay.

and all new jersey people flock there during summer to drink and dance. and people who invite me to go with them, I will be as i was even before i came here, "hell no."

I dislike the sun and beach. I dislike swimming and walking on sand. I dislike majority of social gatherings: conventions, parties and what nots. unless there is free food and there are one or two people I know that dont mind me clinging to them.

and so my quote of yesterday. "I like produce junction because they have pears. I like pears because they make me go."

I have been going on a rampage and quoting myself recently because I am just saying the weirdest things in public. though I'm actually getting better at censoring myself.

however, people's blantantness seems to be rubbing off on me. because they have such awesome character, I begin to admire them and aspire to be like them just in a small certain way.

just like the time we were driving and we made contact with this girl in skimpy clothing in the sidewalk. and bob, made a low almost singing "SLUT~" very loudly and cleary with the windows down and I'm 100% sure she heard it.

and it cracked me up. I wish i had the guts to do stuff like that. I curse my instinct to lean to fear.

...

oh yes. I talk about bob a lot because he's fucking funny. and if you met a funny guy, you'd talk about him too.

...

dudes.

I had the most awesome high-five known to mankind. the sound echoed throughout the empty cafeteria and my hand still burns.

2006-03-28T06:12:00.000-08:00

navi: dude. thats some heavy stuff. I still have to looks for some time to put it aside. lucky jobert does have watchmen and I can take extra time to read it. however, I have a lot of things that I have to do.

books to finish, games to replay and comics to color.

I will keep your recommendation list near me at most times. especially when I will be around the vicinity of a comicbook store.

aurora: surely you must jest, my sweet. why there is no one else in the world but you.
..and greta and erika.

hahaha~! well, I have realized, "wait. I dont really have a crush. hahaha! mistaken identity!"

so you must be as relieved as i am. I hope such stupid thoughts never cross my mind again.

kuya: I'm interested in no mere man. however intersted in hot sexeh men that love making out to each other.

...

repeating myself: haha I dont think i have stated something clearly.

the guy who was touchy-feely with me is someone a lot of girls find creepy and a lot of guys find annoying. I dont want him to be touchy feely with me. I absolutely dislike him and well, bob and chirs understands that. hell, I told him to go take a bath once.

but as for anything non-hygenic, i have no idea.

Bob. hmm.. I shall call him bob the bear. he's a good friend who punches whoever i ask. mostly because i'm 'god' in his cellphone. and josh is his jewish buddy. and they're both filled with useless information.

but basically bob is awesome because he looks out for me and bob is like a cuddly bear that can kill people. I would have been his little sister if I werent older than him. >_>;

see? meeting people in the cafeteria isnt that scary. yet.

and no, aurora. I will not marry nor date a white boy. NEVER! As long as there's blood in my veins, I will never have a relationship with a white boy. I'm pretty sure, and hope, that i do have a good sense of control. but sadly, I'm really weak when it comes to punching people and punching guys in the cafeteria just proves how flimsy my muscles are.

but hey. its not bad for someone who doesnt exercise at all damn it!

and thats where bob comes in. BWAHAHA!! I think he enjoys it anyway.

I have yet to tell them, "I'll be going home to the philippines now where I'll be sleeping overs at my friend's house and having pillow fights and random make out sessions. you guys enjoy your time in sucky america."

I'm very much surprsied that my number of friends are growing. I like keeping a small number of friends. very. so this is odd. but I only talk to a very small bunch of their barkada. like 3 our of 14. mostly because I dont like to talk to people I'm not interested in and have to exert extra effort in it.

but I'm doing this mostly because, SOME PEOPLE are RARELY ONLINE!

...

and so my friend, chris, is pissing me off. We were talking about naruto and well, his favorite character is Sasuke. and he went on about how cool sasuke is, how he;s the most powerful character in the story and how he's so important that kishimoto is making a seperate manga just about him.

I was too enraged to have a stupid argument on why sasuke sucks. because its so simple. sasuke's a jerk. that's why he's not cool. he's not even a cool jerk like his brother. he's not even as hot as his brother. he's the fucking fuck toy of orochimaru!

but on a lighter note, I might be going to the otakon (anime convention in maryland) this year. and I am thinking of 1/2 cosplaying.

meaning, I'll wear something weird but not representing any character. so it's like playing dress up. it would be nice if sensei franco was here because he's awesome when it comes to costumes.

If I can cosplay, I would like to cosplay as my balldate's balldate. =D and I would bring my balldate along <3 but alas, aurora is not in america *fumes*

or maybe I"ll just go in my poveda uniform and have people mistake me for a table cloth. I have no idea. I dont know who I'll be going with too. there are two groups of people I can be going with and I'm pretty sure I've got a place to crash in my aunts house. (which is sweet <3)

If i would cosplay a character, it would be chouji from naruto. I mean, I basically got the round face down. but everything else is off. >_>

2006-03-25T08:01:00.000-08:00

Fatima: I'm not an alcoholic, I'd just like to pretend reality doesnt exist when im conscious. hahaha.

yes. indeed. drinking must ensue. I would be very happy if that were so. and yes. I do love itchy worms. I"m still loving "ilalim ng buwan." and completely lacking the album.

Kuya: self-loathing started a long time ago. I'm kinda switching between one extreme from the other when it comes to life perspectives. I believe that I will be rich, powerful and awesome but will die forgotten in a dirty ditch and no one can find my body.

Erika: you gaining? but what happened to all that walking around up? and getting food poisonings from too much isaw?

I too miss naruto and the "OHMYGOSH I HAVE TO KNOW!" factor of it *le tear*. but I dont know if I grew up from it or its becoming pretty annoying. and I have heard that there is a death note movie. I just havent seen the trailer. I love the website though. I havent watched the first battle royale so I cant relate.

watching mean girls was very... brain rotting. the only thing I liked about it is when that guy went up to the main character and said, "I'm sorry but I only like colored women."

everything else sucked. but thank you. I'm still trying to solidify the idea. I dont know how. I'm building the characters though. and I would like a lot of help from various people for short stories that would help build around it. because different perspectives are nice to see and try out.

and I really would like the whole thing to work if i was less distracted by a personal problem...

...

I watched V for vendetta with some friends. it was... it was above average. around C+/B. It made me want to read the comic. I mostly liked the eariler part when he had this speach for natalie portman which mostly consisted of words that started in V. I was mostly disturbed by the love between those two. It was... It was wrong.

as we exited the theaters, it was suddenly swarmed with children coming out from "She's a man." Which I praise bob, josh and james for vocalizing "WHERE THE FUCK DID THESE KIDS COME FROM?!"

...I was thinking of that but i didnt want to say it. because you know... I'm foreign. I'll wait till i become a citizen before I can start verbalizing such thoughts. since I think my status makes me lack "freedom of speech" or something. and of course, people look down on the short, can be deported asian. I am a many types of minorities roled into one.

We went to the dinner and I was treated to josh's left over meatloaf and ice cream and mostly because I ordered just soup (I'm poor) and they ordered a heafty amount of food.

bob: people who torture their servants then treating them nicely afterwards, makes them loyal to their masters.
candalf: why does that sound so familiar?
bob: It must be from your yaoi readings.
candalf: *GASP* oh my gods you're RIGHT! (thinks of attraction by gelfling)

It was an astonishing revelation. I also noticed that V had a similarity with shishi-o makoto. both burnt, alive, and hates the governement.

all in all, good movie + free food = awesome night.

~

plus, I completely admire bob for being nice enough to push this well known annoying guy named matt.

as i was sitting and fixing my jacket, matt came up behind me and--i think--tried to hug my head and said "hey, candalf. how are you doing?". I was obviously disturbed and thinking to myself, "be nice candalf lest he take your soul and make it a yu-gi-ho card."

I just nodded and smiled nervously and replied in a slightly weak, very uncomfortable voice.

bob was awesome enough to say, "she would be better if you werent creeping her out." and i was nodding my head. and he left.

thank you bob. (i know you dont know about this blog) but you're fucking awesome. I'd hi-five you but...yea.
...

I tried to read the comic version in a comic book store. I realized it was... VERY different. and ended up reading vol 9, 10, and 11 of fruits baskets.

OH MY GOSH! SUSPENSE!! I'm so excited. it actually has a freaking plot! I love it!

character dramas are so... my slice of cake. <3 sad thing about fruits baskets is that... the guys and girls almost look alike. seriously. lack variety.

I have finally seen all of the zodiac people and... hatsuharu's still hot. <3 second is momiji. kyo and yuki realized that they love tohru. and tohru is just being tohru.

yea. I kinda spoiled that didnt i. I dont care. I"m awesome. as I told lauren, "I dont think people find me attractive. but hell *shrug*, I'd do me."

BWAHAHA! though it is a visually disturbing process and lets not thinking deeply on that. maybe if i have a clone of myself though... ---WAIT. yea....

...
oh and:

surprise! a guy i thought i was attracted to--not liked mind you-- but was just plain attracted to is not what i thought was attraction.

I have become a lyric from a band whose name I forgot. "we're so in love with being in love."

rather, maybe I was surrounded by too many couples and have resigned myself to giving up my selfishness of myself. this is insane. the senseless promotion of the idea of love rather than love itself.

BWAHAHAHA! I'm still the master of my fate, the captain of my soul. I love me most and me alone. Take THAT you over commercialized emo-disney dream!

2006-03-24T03:38:00.000-08:00

I'm taking a friend's advice to lose weight: run 1 mile back and forth everday. I did try. I got tired in less than one minute and just walked back home.

its either that the air is so dry, it hurts to breathe when you're tired. I'll never get enough stamina. I complain.

so is the promise I made with greta to eat nothing but oatmeal for 2 weeks. such a promise that involves food would never last. its like the forbidden love I keep going back to.

I have 12 days and I still need to lose 10 lbs. If i can manage a pound a day, that would be awesome. but the how and the commitment is far from me.

...

and so, I have just been playing really old stuff over and over again. I planned to make a list and post a couple of songs to share. but that involves time and I am very lazy.

I was supposed to study the whole day yesterday but i didnt. I was too lazy. I didnt want to. Instead, I was chatting with a friend, looked up some sites and just played the guitar.

I'd like to consider myself special. sadly the world doesnt think so.

...

The world of naruto is cruel and unforgiving.

naruto isnt hot and sasuke's shadow isnt hot too. ;_; I prayed the day they'd turn bishounen.

everyone was right, naruto... just turned into another dragon ball. considering kishimoto's idols: akira toriyama and the creator of akira... his stories were bound to be like that.

but dragon ball didnt have an endless pond of tragic and hot characters. Honestly, I think trunks what the only hot guy in the whole anime.

some people in the anime club consider yu yu hakusho retarded. especially the himself-dubbed "manga king." well, I think the manga king can stick one up his ass for that one.

dont you dare insult a childhood anime. its the anime that was raging with the stereotypical "juvinile delinquent but actually sweet heart inside" and had one of the most popular yaoi couples of its time: kurama and hiei.

except for sailor moon. you can rip sailor moon apart for all i care.

...

constipation is not my friend.

as we were talking about stress management in school, the teacher was asking for examples of stressors.

I asked if constipation was a stressor. the whole class tried hard to surpress a laugh.

the day after that, my filipino seatmate, james, kept on asking me every morningif i was constipaded. and he said, "why am i even beside you?"

"...because theres no other seat? ^_^."

2006-03-14T06:43:00.000-08:00

navi: I liked batman more than to write that fanfic. but you know if its going to piss you off... then...

I dont want deadlines. I'm too young for deadlines. I'm whiny. and and and I figure maybe I should quit school so i can work on this.

kuya: i dont want hepa ;_;

...

this is what i wrote 2 days ago that i forgot to post:

breakfast made me realize that I still havent recovered from saturday night's evil binge drinking.

oh my god. I was binge drinking. >_< I never thought this would happen to me. I feel like a statistic number---the whole ratio for college drinkers and partiers... eww... I'm... AMERICANIZED... --oh wait. I've been binge drinkin in the philippines too. I think I'm safe...

I dont even party! I dont go clubbing damn it! I sit around in cafe's and diners drinking tea and eating cheesy fries!!!

things that i noticed that I'm different from my cousins:
1. I'm admitfully agnostic
2. i hate rap
3. I dont go clubbing
4. I cant enter a bar (goes with number 3)
5. I dont like tight or extremely loose clothing.
6. I dont talk like a black guy
7. I can DRAW, BITCH!
8. I feel a sense of guilt when my parents give me money and i cant have them pay for rent if I ever move into an apartment
9. I didnt know my mom's financial status. >_>;

...

Yesterday ws a slightly scaring day. I accidentally walked into this lady using the toilet.

and thats the day when everyone in phily found me the weirdest girl. I cant handle nudity. YES. you heard me. people were telling me: you're going to be either an artist or a nurse! you're going to see a lot of people naked at one point.

I dont know. I'm not comfortable with it. people tell me, you need porn.

cant the world just accept it? nudity isnt really my thing! but I do realize that i have to just desensitize myself. ..however you spell that word. I dont know how thats going to happen but I think i can fake it come life drawing class.

and I would like to say, thats why the phrase "if your nervous, just imagine everyone in the crowd naked," doesnt work on me.

...

and so I have a list of things to be done. and for soem reason, I dont want to do it or i feel as if i have too little.

I just want to list a few things that i said when I was drunk in my cousins party so that maybe you can feel as ashamed of myself I i do:

1. I'm a racist and my cousin's white wife was there.
2. I told them that I"m always depressed (something i'd like to keep for myself)
3. something about seritonin... (sp?)
4. something about wanting to die. (and my aunt in the background goes: who is she talking to?)

do you feel the awesome reek and stink of SHAME?!

because I do.

...

I've been listeningto my instrumentals lately, and I think music is ingenious. I wish I can also be an aspiring composer.

I have so many composers I idolize. All of them japanese, which is the weirdest thing. The thing about japanese stuff, comparent to american stuff, they're pretty blatant. However, being blatant is pretty strong. Like their music is simple, and it gives a lot emotion--- kinda like manga.

but american stuff... its something else. I cant really put my finger on it. American compositions and american comics are just damn different. they're not stylish. they're not blatant (but i think the spandex already says all).

being not blantant... is just not me. Hell, thinking is just not me. I dislike thinking a great load.

but I'm just telling myself, even though i do want to be a manga artist/comic artist, i still have to expose myself to things i dont like or things that are different so i can be better.

even if i dont want to.

and I'm a pretty "if I dont like it, i wont do it (after a while)" person. so so so I just hope this whole exposure thing wont back fire on me.

like you know, lets say, my drawing starts to suck. THERE. I'VE SAID IT. I'VE JINXED MYSELF!

so yea. I"m trying to be more laid back (like i wasnt) and a bit more less depressed (ok, that one I'll try) and hopefully, if i can afford pot, all will fall into place.

sweet~

...

before i forget, my imaginary lover, yasunori mitsuda, had a project called kirite with the writer of chrono trigger, yes? they made a book with an accompanying soundtrack.

and so on march 22, they'll be having a play for it. ;_; it costs $46 and its in japan.

CURSES!!!

I have really missed his work. and I'm very happy he's kinda popular as a freelance artist. I think around the time he quit, i stopped playing playstation. xenosaga was his work as a free lance artist.

I think he was really a jerk when he made that becuase it didnt sound nice. XP.

and all the assholes who thing xenosaga was awesome, its NOT. but that's just my opinion.

I dont know how I'm going to do it, but one day, I"ll become super rich. I'll hold this concert thats not so big as to attract those copyright bastards of square enix, and I will have a videogame and anime music festival with the whole orchestra, jazz bands and celtic musicians.

and I will die happy.

2006-03-12T16:35:00.000-08:00

seriously, candalf. stop drinking.

I have summed it up that when i am drunk, I talk about my depressions and my problems and i end up into being this one messed up kid who just wanted to die crying all the way.

that is just so embarassing. its hard to face your relatives the next time theres a party. I mean, sure your cousin now idolizes you for drinking more than him but seriously...

I still feel ill, i slept the whole day after and i still feel sick. >_< ITS NOT WORTH IT!

2006-03-08T16:41:00.000-08:00

Erika: I love that you use big words when you congratualte me =D.

haha. i think there are enough smart people who counter-balance the stupid people. its just that hte smart people are corrupt or are yet to be easily swayed into corruption. but let me be, the word pretentious is my word of the year. just because my white friend uses it alot and I feel pretentious saying pretentious feeling as if I'm smart and i know what I'm talking about. (when we all know i dont.)

erika. ;_; dont turn vegetarian on me!

I appreaciate your greatestjournal invite and my unknowing on how to friend. i feel very much saddened. but I must say, lovely layout <3. I miss you + lovely layouts. I hope i can hire you one day and you'd give me a lovely discount. =D

Kuya: if I had a endless amount of bananas and pears, I think I'll be awesome. but bananas are constipating and pears make me go so they cancel out each other =/

er.. by spend energy, do you mean fine motor skills? I hope so because my fingers are doign all the excercising i can do. hahaha ^_^;;

wait. "Do not cut away your habits cold turkey cause it will cause you to binge." ..what?

the trick is, tell mom after you get married and tell her that you'll still baptize your kids and make them suffer through catholic school just for her.

creepy how I'm seeing lola lucia's influence on tita and mom. O_o; did my senses heighten or are they playing the blatant cards?!

Navi: GASP! YOU'RE ON A DIET?! hmm. I think i understand. because pigeons look fat because of their feathers, your fur makes you look fatter than what you really are.

but it sounds like such a healthy thing. ^_^ I will try it but I dont know how to do that and "easing" it. hmm.. I'll have to switch the oatmeal and breakfast.

Kathy: Heyhey~ yes. at least I think I'm going to be. hahaha ^_^ nice hearing from you again! Thank you by the way. I hope you and gino are doing fine =D

Greta: I've been trying to diet before but theres just something about depriving myself of good food that i cant grasp.

greta, you're like soap opera cliche lines galore. <3 I worship your carrotness.

I was also surprised to read erika's posting O_o; its interesting to see her talk alot though. hahaha. bcause its actually possible. BWAHAHAHAHAHA@!!!

...

I love the support. I'm serious. keep it up. ^_^

I've slowly become more open to the idea of showing people my drawings. little by little, my innate reaction to slam my clearbook close in the hands of others have gradually let go of me.

I'm proud of myself for being more willing than usual. but apparently, thats not enough.

And its nice to hear that a person with a computer animation degree say that i have talent. <3 because for a very long time, I automaticly think that people are just saying that to be nice (by filipino custom, unfortunately) and to not be automatically hated.

and for those who did support me the whole time, I'd like to thank you for still sticking there no matter how low my self-esteem was... were... was-were.

I'm getting better and I feel like I'm devolving back to my childhood. I remember when I was a kid i loved sailor moon so much and i said to my mom that if it doesnt become popular anymore, I'll revive it. After a few years later and being exposed to a hell load of animes i realized that sailor moon sucked.

and if i had a choice to revive an anime, it would be slayers-- straight from the novel. becasue the novel is ingenious.

and I will worship xelloss as if he would kill me if he were real. <3 i love him that much.

so shall start my journeying days as someome i dreamed of as a child. apparently, nursing will go make a prostate examination to itself.

and I have decided that breast cancer for men will be called, moob cancer. because... I'm not funny ;_;

so I hope I'll be happier now and less of an emo person i torture myself to be.

...

coloring is fun, but not when people give you a deadline. bastards.

well, I'll consider this a step to awesomeness. this... coloring step. you know what, i wasnt even really good with colored pencils or anything. color... color isnt my thing.

I mean, thats why I'm all for the japanese mangas damn it!

speaking of japanese, my classmate in anatomy and physiology has a son that's planning to go to japan and get his masters in animation.

I was all, "THE ASSHOLE!" and a little bit of "I completely envy." when i think about it thats... what i said when i was a kid. because you know, anime is made in japan and if i ever make any anime, I'll move to japan.

a bit of that. I think i was quite the... fortune teller as a kid. not really. but... well... never mind. I'm a bitter, poor asian. ;_; and I think people pick on me because of that.

but I Hate the idea (with a capital "H") of being grouped with the chinese and the japanese. but then again the americans will be grouped with the french. so...

I'm a horrible little racist. I can see 5 years from now, the FBI will all be about the getting rid of racists, and apparently will be racist to the racist foreigners soiling their dirty dirty country.

its in one of the amendments, bitch. freedom of speech. well, I lie. I dont know if its in the ammendment. its just a person al opinion.

dont kill me.

lest i call forth the unbelieveable, awesome and underestimated power of piracy by filipinos that will rob youze guys of millions!

...

problem again will be that if I ever do get into animation and video game design (i idolize daisuke ishikawa and tetsuya nomura, leave me be) i will have to move to california.

damn!

I dont want to move to california. even if alot of people that i know are in california. theres just something about it that pisses me off. i think i'm in the east vs west coast mentality.

which is compepletely gay by the way, but I'm brainwashed into it. I like phily and new york. and I kind of know people.

if I ever move into the west coast, it will be in a stalkable area of portland, oregonr where colin meloy and ben gibbs (dont kill me) will be in view.

because I'm a pervert and i believe in men being with men. I think its sexeh~ especially when they're fictional and not annoying and fully clothed.

and especially if its naruto and sasuke--- i lie. i think (blasphamey) naruto and itachi are a must. I remember I tried to pair up the justice league. I was going to go for batman/flash. but I think robin might kill me. that and they dont have that good of a chemistry anyway.

but the point was i liked both of them. <3 but lets not. because american comic yaoi is not as pretty.

...

I think comic characters should thank their colorists. because if it wasnt for the colorist, they would have their healthy shade of skin and gums, and they wouldnt have their pearly crest whitened teeth.

but maybe mutation has a play in having white teeth. I dont know how that happens. but i know that not a lot of japanese anime characters have teeth at all.

but there is no point to that at all. hahaha~

but yes. I think my main problem lately is... my colon.

I know i discussed about this before, but still. I thought if my colon would realize its errors, it would change. but instead, my colon is an asshole. well...

2006-03-04T08:45:00.000-08:00

this week has been hectic. i lie.

not really hectic but more of a weird one.

while everyone is nursing is preping for the big test, I am just... thinking of repiratory therapy and how everyone is so against it. you know what, its pissing me off. I think i'll just go to respiratory therpay just because everyone is fucking annoying.

its just a freaking back up/side job! its not a main job! ugh..

...

thursday was a salvation when lauren cancelled on her guy and we went to phily. (also i got my pics form the summer developed). that night, i met the my first neil gaiman american fan. he awefully looked like cain in sandman. he's learning to do stunts for a variety show next week and his stage name is jelly the clown. hahaha... jelly...

i met another person who is a friend of a friend of a friend, and is willing to hook me up to gorgeous softwares. <3 because I'm very poor. so for that I"m happy.

friday was march 3. it was yoji of weiss kreuz' bday and rinoa's of ff8. I dont know why i remember those things. but it was also my cousin's birthday: kuya alan.

food was enjoyed and so was the "grandchild" of the family, soby the dog. every family gathering that my cousin can attend, he brings soby and well, everyone loves soby. I love soby. and he'd skitter about and run and be all adorable and photogenic.

that was the same night I'm realizing that my aunt is the same as my mother. those words "you know, god only wants you to go to mass once a week. he's not asking for the rest of your days." my cousin was slightly defensive and was a pround non-practicing catholic.

he thinks priests are child molesters. and I think that's awesome.

for some reason, now that my mom knows about it, I'm all about being agnostic. I told my friend's mom, and my aunt. (rather my cousin said it out loud) its like being gay, you're freaking out of the closet and you're proud of it and its just so liberating.

this has been a pretty ok year: I'm free of nursing and free of being a catholic. but I still think my mom is dragging me to church when she gets here. I'm thinking a long talk will do us good. maybe. I dont know. becuase I'll bring her to phily and if she pisses me off, she wont know the way back home.

...

I need to lose 20lbs in a month. many say that is impossible. I think so too. I think that the whole world should grow obeise so that i will be thinner by compoarison. YES! that's the key!

and so far I havent been doing anything to fix my diet. I think I"ll go on a fruit diet. but worried that my body might go into shock. it loves its meat oh so dearly.

so far everything thats chaotic in the outside world is starting to simmer and the stress in school is coming to a boil and for some reason I'm being too lax. I dont know why. its kind of bothering me.

theres that slow sinking feeling of something going on and I'm the only one that doesnt know it.

I'm seriously, frustrated about being too relaxed and not caring. meh. I was kind of hoping the end of the world would happen sometime next week. Just hoping. hoping never really hurt anyone anyway. because i feel like I'm stuck in limbo.

cheers to that.

2006-02-27T17:51:00.000-08:00

kuya: well, you're drama sounds very much like an ending plot to a spanish telenovela. if only you grew your goatee longer...

Thank you for the support. Everyones telling me not to quit nursing becaue I already spent two years on it. but you know what, Lets just see. Maybe I'll double major or maybe I'll completely switch. because I hate it like theres no tomorrow.

greta: you and your injury-porn. wait.. does that make sense?

I love the remindier that i am spart when compared to the average american. but hah. maybe not because I'm failing. I somehow lost the will to care about nursing and with much added bullshit to my soon-to-be-submitted autobiography.

(Yeah...they have to add "Cauca" to asian to er... hmm...wait..what am i saying?!) indeed.

oh greta. my love for money and my love for anime is so torn. I dont know what to do. WHY?! why cant i have both in a wonderful marriage?!

wait. yes. there are a hell load of gay people in new york. I mean, there are more gays in new york than bacteria in your mouth. i swear.

you know what, when I was a kid i looked like chenelle. becasue... I dont know why. we both had the same hair cut, both skinny, both had... two big front teeth and I was dark for a while.

but I loves you when you dont make sense.

aurora: damnz your god! he does. hahahaha! I didnt deny his existance. but I just thought that the other gods desrved a little time in the spotlight too. <3

I miss bathing everyday. I really do. but when its freezing, being wet isnt so fun.

thank you for the support, dearest balldate. surely you will have fun with your psychology and accounting combination. you better! because I'll hire you when I'm rich. BWAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!

you know better than me to care about grammar checks. GRAMMATICAL ERRORS FOR EVERYONE!!!!

...

obviously, I maybe left out in the whole political conversation of the happenings in the philippines. I want to comment but I wouldnt because I do admit (unlike a couple of live journalists who spa and like to feel smart and make a completely pretentious political statement) i am quite ignorant and I dislike reading a whole lot. This is like the only reason i am ignorant because I cant read newspapers and books. seriously. I space out trying to read them.

so maybe, if i would like to join the pool of i-have-a-political-opinion-too people, I would say this.

and aurora must have heard it a million time sfrom me. because I'm a loser without a cause.

...

it does worry my immensely. i think either, its all about me and god's all bitching, or the timing is almost amazing. because this whole agnostic thing... its just kinda creepy.

seriously, god. give it a break.

...

I was going to tell people something but i forgot all about it. aside from the little tension between me and jobert because i potentially ruin his social life and mine because i (a) go out to often and (b) cant drive.

*tear*

well, either i underestimate that statement or overestimate it. I dont know. I never know what im doing. sometimes I just cut too deep without knowing it, sometimes no one really cares because not alot of people read this blog anyway. I have just like, what, 3-4 readers?!

excuse me. I love my minority. *chu*

well, I'm at fault and i hope it relishes people that everyones going to die soon, including me.

...

oh blackout by asian kung fu generation~ when he sings that line, it makes me happy like theres no tomorrow.

2006-02-20T14:36:00.000-08:00

Saturday night: told my mom I was agnostic.
Monday night: mom called, justin is seriously sick.

Lesson: there is a god. and he is seriously pissed at me.

This is not good. At first, I was all happy and shit. everything was going so well. I think thats what pissed me off the most. because now, i feel so bad.

its like a car crash after happily drinking and driving and managing to pass the police and laughing all the way. It was so awesome and so fun and now it sucks.

I failed both my tests in nursing and anatomy and physiology II. I wont be surprised if i failed my chemistry. I dont know what to do. I want to just stop everything from moving for a second and gather my thoughts. because I dont know if I'm sad but I'm definately not happy.

...

kuya: whether you make it or not. Since I do love you as my chauvinistic,ego centric perverted brother who would stop by my room before i go to sleep and read my funny stories from his porn site, I'm going to multimedia next semester.

just for you.

Greta: "verbosity"

aww thanks for the e-bday card and valentines greeting. I feel so sad that I cant keep up with you in the cheesiest level of telenovela-ness. but I'll try.

sadly I cant practice with anyone because americans are homophobes. (burn)

aww. I suddenly remember soujiro seta from RK and when i was a kid, I couldnt wait till i was 18 (because he's perpetually 18) and now I'm 20... *sigh*

aurora: wait. is it "marry me" or "merry me"? because I'm utterly confused. but yes my balldate. I will prancy with you in the most elegant and heterosexual waltz there is.

Erika: oh sweetie. I still havent found the fountain of studiousness-dorkiousness. but whoever does, please be our samaritan.

lately, I've been enjoying the benefits of bathing. I mean, having my hair feel so clean. putting on this awesome lotion from bath and body works that smells divine. and the what-nots.

Sadly I am one of the few slayers (novels) fans. and one of the rare rare few (or maybe only) fan who says that salyers try never happened. like how one sect of catholicism believes that the virgin mary isnt important.

...religion... is gay.
that hot guy I saw in new york...
...I HOPE he's gay.

2006-02-11T08:59:00.001-08:00

well well, my birthday is done. My morning went with ym greetings from the philippines. thank you to mom, erika, greta and aurora for greeting me happy birthday first and painfully reminding me that I am--seriously-- 20.

My day started with a nursing test and me telling people its my birthday and them greeting me. why? I was in a happy perky mood. I spent the rest of it with my friend lauren in phily.

from the late afternoon to the early evening, we spent it in cafes, steakhouses and vietnamiese restaurants. by the later part of the night we were joined by ye fellow phily punks who-take-pride-in-not-taking-a-bath-for-months.

...and now I regret getting those hugs. but hey, I"m a huggy person. I hugged colin meloy <3

and just because i meet new people doesnt necessarily mean I like them. they were ok, though. and for the second time during the day, I was given an important lecture about russia, since i never cared much for world history, geography and the such.

so that was my birthday. and I thank navi, trish and henry for the greetings.

...

erika: seriously? not web design? but you're so good at it! I mean, they're people who want to be web designers and they're not even as good as you! DAMN YOUR BRAIN!!!

I miss neil gaiman too, and the way he treated us like normal human beings when in all obviousness we were crazed, obsessed and gorgeous fans who (kinda) draw the line at stalking (if we have no transpo).

oh my, mcdonalds is scary, in the ghetto sense. I cant believe i'd be scared of anything ghetto. they're funny, but i feel out of place considering i lived a different lifestyle.

Kuya: emile durkheim said, "the more connections you have to the outside world, the less likely you are to kill yourself." I already stated it before and I love stating it again because I loved by sociology class. I try to have a life, but apparently, not when I'm in nursing.

i love it when people say x-factor. and that x is a variable that can mean anything. so I dont know what its all about then =D

...

my love for xelloss has been resparked after reading the slayers novels again. he's more hardcore and secretive then i can ever remember. oh xelloss~ the novel is so much better in the sense of "plot thickening" and its either i'm getting used to it or the translation seems to be getting muich better. except for the fact that they switched "chaos words" with "power words"

its not cool. because when i think power words, i think of brainwashing class. you say it again and again and again and it will warp you to that word.

but oh xelloss. I felt a bit sad that you didnt find lina to be impressive. because i think she's awesome. and i love how you got mad at her for saying the lord of nightmare's name. because it adds more, meaning to it.

and I love that the other day, I remembered that you killed an entire army of golden dragons with two fingers. *exhale* you're so dreamy <3 words cannot define my love for a fictional demon who can highly be a metrosexual if real.

xelloss~~ and in volume six, he mentions the 2 demon lord's names <3 which is oh so rare since the anime never gave any significance to them <3 YEY~

and finally: "Well, I absolutely adore Phibrizzo. Naturally. I can't say I'd want to date him, since, well, come on, he's just a mass of evil and is incapable of love." - a quote of someone in a forum.

I have the same problem with xelloss. and maybe thank god he's fictional lest I would have something close to a bad-boy complex except for that he's a really nice guy who;s just manipulative, pure evil and feeds on the despair and hatred of anything that lives.

sigh. unrequited love. whatever unrequited means...

...

I would type what has happened to me these past few days but you know what? nothing much happened! I'd love to spend more money but you know what? I cant. so fuck all that. I'm gonna go study.

2006-01-31T12:55:00.000-08:00

kuya: dont worry. I only drink at home because its free. <3 and I want my liver to live longer.

erika: sweetie, you're just too busy having a life to pay attention to what i type.

Are you part of the college-student-in-America-with-part-time-job-in- the-fast-food-industry culture now? (Phew. Mouthful.)
ahem not any more my dear. I'll tell you why later on.

if you would let me I would whore out your web designing skills. I think you should just take computer graphic design and go here. you'll earn millions in new york or la.

but thank you for sending the link. i feel special. <3

greta: thats true but it does let me know that you're alive when I havent talked to you in a while. and I do try to read them. maybe you should try writing in english =D.

yes! I am superior! filipinos rule!

navi: I dont want to work in hot topic because im mad at it for selling gothic lolitas and anime stuff. god damn it, it pisses me off like hell. and the whole wapanese movement.

I'm surprised that I dont know alot of companies in that list gah. I'm not too informed of america's businesses. but I do knwo that my sister used to work in eli-lily. I think its lower than starbucks. hahaha

by the way, I want to watch howl's.

...

Last week friday was the day I attended le Colin Meloy concert. There I saw his awesome performance and giggled at his jokes and awed at his skill. He confessed that he broke his personal rule of not making songs too personal and made this song about him having a kid.

It was very touching and adorable. I love how excited he is becoming a dad. I think he'll make a great dad. Why? Because he has the best hugs in the world, and I'm not biased.

there were many cute moments in the concert. I love how intimate he is with his audience because, well, not all artists are like that. Dude, he even had props. hahaha

fan: I LOVE YOU!!!
Colin Meloy: I think you're biased.

tee-hee. he's awesome. anyway. Lauren,Cori and I (with my persistence) waited for him out side the TLA. In the cold i started shuffling my feet for warmth, which lead to a crappy version of jigging. then with suggestions from lauren, I took my cap and started begging for money and singing super mario brother songs and greeting those passing by a "hey! how are you doing?" One had a crowd of punks and this guy came back and put some change in my hat and asked for a hug, which I happily gave him.

for some reason I must have been delirious or something thats more easy to spell. Anyway, a few seconds after lauren calling me a whore, Colin Meloy comes out of the TLA and I turned to him with my mouth slightly hanging open.

candalf: I was going to ask you for money, but you're colin meloy.
colin meloy: ask me for money? are you a destitute?
candalf: whats a destitute?

I asked him for a picture and a hug which he oh so happily gave. I swear to god, when he puts his arm around you, he makes this warm special nook that is just fits you nice. I swear to god he practices this in the mirror. and his hugs are so nice <3 awww~ <3

anyway, as he was leaving, I started fucking up and letting lauren talk. because then she started telling him how much of a racist I am and stated my christmas present for her as an example (I gave her white chocolate because she's white) and how i wanted to eat her little nephew (a baby that was freakishly white).

I'm sure colin meloy felt awkward and just smiled it away. He's pretty sure he's going to forget that disturbing story after a few drinks with his friend.

but hell, I was colin meloy fresh and I hugged some. <3 Though I wanted to invite him on a stalking evening for neil gaiman because he was in phily the other day. ;_;

...

I just quit my job in mcdonalds. I've only gone in for 3 days but apparently school has won and I never felt so out of place in a fast food restaurant.

Well, if I wasnt aiming to pass with flying colors then I wouldnt have quit but I am, so i did. I told a fellow co-worker that I quit because nursing is just heavy for me. she said, "why? I'm taking nursing. I'm taking some pre-requisites too"

for some reason, I felt pissed at her but I just acted as in awe because I was nice and I'm sure she wanted to be awed about that.

mcdonalds is an ok place. it has its nice times and i like the moms, dads, grandmas and grandpas that come by because when I tell them that I'm just starting, they're real polite about it. A returning customer cheered me on acknowledging my improvement.

Well, goodbye mcdonalds. I'll stop eating your food now.

2006-01-22T06:15:00.000-08:00

I'm sorry, but WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU SPAMMING MY FUCKING TAGBOARD!?!

- thank god they give me the option to delete whoever.

...

Navi: hey, it works. Lupin? ah yes. I have still yet to find awe and marvel at it.

Kuya: wait, he did that many? well, problem is that I only liked the two. so far, his latest ones arent really my type. for some reason...

They had a miyazaki marathon on cable so I just enjoyed the freebie of it... ness...

I would go home and buy the DVDs but I dont want to get deported. or maybe I do... I dont know. I'm pissed for having a jersey accent when I've only been here for a year and a half.

Kloh: hey mamao. you still with that chinese/vietnamese/korean dude? tell him i said he's a pussy. you heard me!

...

Dad + Driving = Suicide.

The list of reasons will forever grow long. my patience at this moment has dwindled. and I am... I cant even describe it. but I think its pretty negative.

...

What's up with me? Nothin much. Sad that aurora, erika and greta have stopped updating their blogs.

I am pretty much dead on this side. though I am meeting very nice people in nursing class, my philly life style has, I think, gone to a stop.

There are a few punk guys whose idea of fun is different from mine but I do like one of their friends, Hatter. She's so awesome. I love her. Last time they taxikilled, I'm happy that I didnt participate. I partially participated. I threw the pavement a snickers bar. I'm happy I missed and I'm happy its not egg.

but hey, I think they're pretty nice people if it wasnt for the idea that they trashed me and lauren. lauren was pretty cool with it but me... I dont know if it pissed me off but it just rubbed me the wrong way.

I mean, if I dont like moshpits, I sure as hell wouldnt like to be pushed on cushiony trashbags. they werent that cushiony at all damn it!!!

so... hows abouts youze guys?

...

Pretty much a lot of sadness that I cant attend trish and henry's wedding. but I hope they do like my wedding present to them.

pretty much a lot of mixed feelings not attneding chirstine's and david's wedding. but I'll want to go more if I can keep the pianist and if Kuya Allans going to MC. Tito chris? I dont know. but I like Kuya Allan more. He's funny and if he brings his dog he gets 1,000 more points.

...

Nursing has begun and I think I put too much workload for me to handle. 15-credit class, 2 4-creds, and 1 3-cred + 2 part time jobs. and I'm pretty pissed that McDonalds pays $6.25 and hour. thats too fucking low. I'd kill myself.

Oh my gosh. I"m an obnoxious person now. FUCKER~!!! but hey, if they pay for my tuition and books. its so worth it because they're fucking expensive.

I have work later so I'll see you'ze soon.

Ps. Taxikilling is not my cup of tea. and the TOEFL headquarters is a bitch.

ta-ta~

2006-01-12T21:16:00.000-08:00

Kuya: I was peer-pressured to throw eggs. they said it would make me feel good. it didnt. because when I ran, I tripped and then i fell on the floor.

I hope the driver was white.

Chat: anytime. ^_^

Erika: "Be kind... for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." -Plato I liked that quote. I have it somewhere. I forgot about it for a while. and by similar hobbies you mean being naked, thinking and chasing after little boys?

sweetie, you gender bend. you're like... that guy in Hana Kimi-- you're a kissing monster when you're drunk. hahaha! you're a pussy.

Thank you. <3 yes. I finally watched donnie darko. alot of people were bugging me to watch it. I finally watched it and I am confused. I need someone to answer my questions but I fear spoiling the movie for others.

...

*tears as she types*

oh my god. I just watched Nausicaa, Valley of the Wind and Laputa, Castle in the Sky. and can I just say, I've never wanted to be a kid so badly after watching those two.

I dont know about Spirited Away though. but hell! Mark Hamill voice acted in both of those movies. <3

I couldnt help shouting side comments to the TV. Trying to persuade the villains to let the heroine go and what nots. And be completely amazed by Laputa's soundtrack. I was crying all the way when Nausicaa ended.

I remember when I was a kid, I'd keep telling dad to buy me that movie. I dont remember much of it now, but I really liked it when I was a kid.

Oh it left me asparkle. <3

and you'd never think that the animation was made in the mid 1980s because its so FUCKING FLUID!

but can i just say, Rogue of the xmen movie, who dubbed the leading female in castle in the sky, (well, for me) had an inconsistent accent. thats all. BWAHAHAHAHAAA!! MARK HAMILL!! *screams like a fangirl* when I heard you laugh, I thought about joker and I knew it was you <3 words cannot express my addiction to your creepy joker laugh.

...

8:30am
candalf: umm.. hello. may i please speak to kim packer (hoping to ask for the orientation schedule)
lady: Oh, she's having an orientation right now.
candalf: really? what time does the orientation start?
lady: 8:00am
candaf: fuck.

I think god wants me to be a nurse. because when I arrived, apparently the camera was broken so the whole orientation was stalled for an hour. and just when I came the orientation started.

Another instance was during my fall orientation. I forgot about it. Completely.

and then the whole school got a blackout and later in the afternoon, the lady called me up and said that "todays orientation is cancelled for tom because of the blackout."

and its like... someone doesnt want me to miss an orientation... >_>;;

oh yes. theres one pinoy guy there and he's old. but still, he's pinoy.

lady: so what are you bringing to nursing?
candalf: well since everyone said everything there is to say (good at listening, understanding, compassionate and care)... umm... I'll bring... good stuff. A lot of good stuff.

I cant make a funny.

...

UBER VULNERABLE PIC OF VAN WHICH IS TEH HOT AND SIZZLING!!!

I remember when I first saw van like that in the series, thats when my like for him grew. oh yes. theres something about a really heart broken character that is so... --for some reason uke keeps popping in my mind... but I was trying to say sexeh~

and yet for some reason i am reminded of dogs with a missing leg. *tear*

I have no idea, so far my desires for the classics are growing in me. rk ,eva, izcer, voe, yaiba and others. and the lack of resources kill me even more. gah.

...I swear to god. that look is the "take me home" look....

2006-01-09T09:09:00.000-08:00

Navi: *hug*. yes. "hug"

char: settled? awesome.

...

Sunday night was weird.

I started my day off with internet.
Followed it with a trip to Philadelphia with Lauren.
Then met these two punk guys who convinced us to throw eggs at taxis. (I tripped when I ran by the way)
And ended it with a wonderful conversation with a gay guy in the train.

Maybe it was actually a great night and I cant feel the significance of it. but seriously, I wasn’t really in the mood for socializing. But I swear to god. I loved that gay guy. That 10 min talk with that gay guy completely ruled those 5 hours with those guys.

I’m sorry. But my love for gays who call me gorgeous is--- well, really, really strong. I love him. We talked about his hair and hair. And our slight fetishes with hair.

I love him. mom, I'm inlove with that 30-40 year old gay man I met on the train who has a sad story about missing his hair stylist. <3

2006-01-06T12:15:00.000-08:00

Navi: "A new year, a new chance to become a better person, and to make up for the shitty things you did before."

We tell ourselves that every year but never really fulfil it. At the end of the year, we regret and make up another later-unfulfilled resolution. At least you try. I hope that this year will be good to me and to you to.

Thanks, man.

oh yea. I have a new year resolution for you: shave. *peace* thank you~

Kuya: damn right I'm poor. I have perfectly trained my friend to saw "aww *in a pitiful way*" to me everytime I whine about something.

whoa really? that so awesome. haha I havent really talked to henry's mom. maybe I should meet her. but no beer. beer tastes ugly.

I always wonder if I should care about the long run or the short. I hate it. people here in their 20's think of their retirement plans. Some also worry about their freaking souls in the after life. I'm unhappy because it feels like if I'm happy now, then I'm going to be unhappy later.

you do remember that you scarred me so badly that i couldnt draw for a while.

sweet. I love juicy secrets. I think the only reason why i continue education here in america because the students here are sometimes nicer and come in different ages, sizes and smells. cheers to experiencing oddity that others havent.

greta: I clean my house more often when my mom's around. i feel bad that people dont help her most of the time. and she has osteo-athritis and a pinch nerve. its a killer.

greta. I got drunk coz I thought you didnt love me anymore. *tragic pose*

I dont want to be the favorite kid. >_< or maybe I do? I dont know. but guess what, my dad said it once (and later on forgot) that I was the only daughter. *scores*

wait... what does the F4 have to do with anything?! Oh greta. I miss your inane-ity. You should be with me when i drink so I have someone to take care of me and hold me in their arms. and hold my hair back when i vomit. i love youze. hahaha!

actually, I was really pink when i was drunk, I hear. though this happened in a conversation with greta earlier-- I just wanted to share:
candalf: at least I dont gender-bend like erika when i'm drunk
greta: really?
candalf: so I hear.
greta: wait, whats erikas gender?
candalf: asexual.

fuck you guys. I found it funny.

Joey: Dude, what is it with us? I mean all our uncles are our drinking buddies?! hahaha. we should really have a get together with my uncle's because he has a bar in his basement. hahaha

Aurora: Oh sweetie. i was better. actually my stomach is a bit better. I'm completely sober so give me a decent reply!

Char: thanks for the belated new year.

...

I realized that everyone gets depressed too. not now, but maybe later. its not just me. and some people just dont want to say it because they dont want to be a pussy like me. but you see here, i dont fucking care. if I want a hug, I'm getting a fucking hug damnit. whether it be a cyber hug.

so even if you may know this, this is just a reminder: be nice to each other. we're all having a hard time too.

but I maybe adding insult to injury once in a while. I'm ignornat, clueless, stupid, dramatic, have aweful timing and be tactless and slow. I admit it. What I'm trying to practice now is the only american virtue that i approve of: saying something straight rather than having all that pent up frustration.

so this time, I dont have the problem anymore, you do. (yea. I just completely reversed me whole "be nice." thing. but timing is always key. but hey, if I hate you, I'll tell you too.)

but hey, I figure a real friend can take an opinion. right, patricia cancio? or did i get it wrong this time? wait. I wasnt really listening to what she said at the time. no one really cares anyway. ¬_¬

...

Lately-- well not really lately, but for some time now, I have been realizing that I'm making my life harder than what it is.
Maybe I'm just pretending I'm having a conflict between art and nursing.
Maybe I'm just a person who refuses to go on with normal life like everyone else in the real world because as i child i believed in going to other worlds, or taking backpacking journeys and not having menstruation bother me.
Maybe I would have actually become a championship squash player if i concentrated on it.
Maybe I lack more serotonin then some people.
or maybe deep inside I'm a fucking pussy emo.

I hate that everything would have been simple if I fully believed it was simple. All i had to do was go to college, finish nursing and be a nurse. If I had to think about all the other things: happiness, the desire to leave a legacy, to dream of doing something awesome and accomplishing it, to have my parents proud of me. If only we dont demand everything else in life we wouldnt have a hard time right?

do how does one not desire anything? I asked my parents what they wanted to be when they were kids. I remember my dad said that he was not born like i was, he didnt have time to think of what he wanted to be. I remember my mom said that, all she knew was that she had to earn money. (and right now, I'm the queen of run-on sentences.)

So I guess desire comes from bordeom and free time? --- scratch that bullshit. I'm just wasting space here. haha.

...

Maybe I'm growing out of larc, it makes me feel sad. but theres just something about ajikan that i love. right now, i feel ajikan and not larc. so for the mean time, fuck you larc. you're now a cross dressing bunch of seniors who sometimes put me to shame.

except for ken and yuki. they're completely cool.

as for now, I"m nothing but a jar filled with ajikan and mafia cookies. Yesterday I watched a documentary about mafias. and so my awe-ing began. damn you sicily! I wish that the philippines can make some awesomely cool mafias too.

at one point i wanted to make a story about that. but then again, I le suck at narration and story telling and plot lines and everything else so I dont see the point of that anyway. I mean, why butcher a dream that i hold dear?

...

27 minutes. it took my dad and i 27 minutes to go to the mall. and in those 27 minutes, my dad was preatching to me about god. I can only tolerate so much about religion. I dont like being preached to. its like saying on that you're right about something and you dont really consider the listener/non-listeners opinion about it.

but I cant tell my dad, "hey dad, I dont want to hear about god. I'm not a catholic. And everything you're telling me now, i already learned it from poveda." He tells me 3 things consistently:

1. you have to know yourself. I know that im good at starting businesses so you see (talks about himself, again. 3 times in one sitting. I swear to god.)
2. you have to offer everything to god
3. your art, you know, its something special. you can use it in cooking. you know theres a visual presentation when you cook.

Dad. I'm in the age when im trying to know myself. dad. I know. dad. i know. dad. i know. dad. the art that i like... has nothing to do with cooking... I cant eat paintings. i cant eat computers and comics. I mean, sure its edible but I doubt the digesting process.

I'm sorry I'm just ranting. but I'm free to rant. my mom finds it funny and shameful and pitiful. and my dad. I just dont know how to deal with it.

but on the way back, I'm happy that I got to hear his opinion about his family and him tell me about his brothers and sister. For some reason, I love to hear some people to be pissed off with other people. it just reminds me its ok to hate.

I wonder if my dad is offering his hate to god too.

...

this blog post has been candalf approved.
cheeres to yesteryear's aborted resolutions and numerous typos!

2005-12-31T08:41:00.000-08:00

Aurora: I know, but its like I want to make sure if its right for me. Ah the sweet expectiations of the free life. it might actually be a horrible thing but just dreaming about it gives me hope.

and why ruin a good dream? so I'll be more happy with nursing.

you're evil. you're pro my american voice?! c'mon aurora. thats just not nice. I didnt so many examples of it infront of all my relatives and parents so many times. my mom finds it funny.

oh my freaking god. what does he have to fill up 400gigs? aside from probable porn. DAMN IT WOMAN! YOU'RE the one who should get that.

actually I dont know aobut the stuff in the office. >_>;; you might. when i go to the philippines I swear to get it back for you.

email is cheaper sweetie. I check my email all the time now. especially my gmail. hahaha. I"m waiting for my insurance so, it sucks to be me. but point is that you're gorgeous and I'm very tipsy.

Erika: Apprently I have a three-way between theater, art and sociology.

I love the line: "the word molecular facinates me." because its like "hahaha it has 'mole' in it".

thats true .survivor and fight club were very similar in a sense. i feel cheated because of that. damn you. but i still love his voice in writing. but still, the downward spiral of self destruction? kinda repetitive. but yes. I still fall for it. I was talking to my other sensei and he was telling me that most of his still are pretty unbelieveable but he adds alot of facts and alot of research to it to make it believeable.

I was worried about that too. long term memory... well, I'll put it on luck even though i would love to taste the good life, my talk with my momsey realized that i just need one sem or jsut the summer at least.

i curse the standards of life stories. they're all pretty cool. and me just typing and farting at the same time can never add to the level of coolness that i want. but damn it woman. I can also imagine you in a call center. apparently whatever major you're in, you can actually end up in call center-ing.

oh erika, dont you want to be le cool too? but you're already cool now so you have to tell me you're secrets.

...

Oh new years eve, I was planning to spend some alone time with it drinking in the darkness of my room. but no.

I started drinking at 5pm that lasted up to 11pm (last time i checked) I turned drunk. And I know everyone laughed at that fact.

My lola was there with her son and white girlfriend. My auntie and her husband and child was there. My ate nene and her white husband was there. They were all there to laugh and find some sort of amsusement in my drunkenly manor.

Personally I thought I was extra tipsy. but later on in the eve, as I recall trying to explain to my dad an artcle i read about mania and creativity, as i recall fucking up my favorite song in the guitar infront of all of them (everyday is like sunday) even before that. I do recall telling my dad in my rant. "you're not really listening to me are you? you just want to sleep and you just think that I drunk too much."

and I'm happy with the fact that he said. "yes. I am tired and i want to sleep and I'm not really listening." I think he brought me upstairs at that point. I remember losing my balance. I remember vomiting on the carpet. I remember crying to my mom that I'm an aweful child for making her scrub the carpet clean. I remember my mom hugging me as I was sobbing near new year midnight like a little girl again and my mom was hugging me and telling me everythings going to be ok.

They didnt about giant rabbits or peoples fat turned into soap. I even tried to slip to my mom that I didnt want to go to church anymore. but she still wanted me to. EVEN WHEN I"M FREAKING DRUNK!!

and that secretly pissed me off to no end. but I was still sobbing and partly sad about the other things.

I remember "the Candice" was particularly in demand last night. A drink I was drinking since 5pm that lasted on until the least i can remember. A drink I made myself. Citrus rum + peach tree + strawberry daquiry mix + tropical splash + some vodka.

When all the rum finished. I used the expensive russian vodka that my sis ters fiance gave my dad. I feel bad and guilty for finishing 4/5ths of it.

Everyone knew i was drunk. Everyone who knew lolo dolpho related me to lolo dolpho, the only relative of mine that is an alcoholic.

I drin kfor two purposes: to make time pass, and to beat erika one day. DAMNIT!

my stomach is still unhappy at this 7am in the morning. i remember after all the sobbing and crying my mom invited me to sleep beside her and we had a long conversation after that. I asked her alot of questions and my dad would interupt once in a while to tell me to sleep already.

I cant sleep. my eyes opened at 6:30. My bare legs freezing without a blanket. How did I even get into my moms's night gown? How did they change me out of my clothing? HOW?! WHEN?! I dont remember damn it. for me its almost like pulling a rabbit out of a hat because its a fucking miracle that happened in an instant.

but like i said, my stomach is unhappy. greta is not online. no one that i like is online.

ah, chuck palahniuk. ah, donnie darko. destruction is a form of art. an out pouring of sanity thought to be rambilings of a drunken fool. right now, with me i have a cheap platic container that we get from chinese stores. its just right beside me waiting till i puke again.

...

I'm at awe and surprise that people have come here to post again on this almost dead blog.

for a while I've really not felt like posting. and I've really not had anything to say to anyone. and I've been really confused whether I'm antisocial or just extremely shy.

have you ever felt like you just woke up but you're already awake? that feeling has been occuring lately with the words "what the fuck am i doing?" followed with, "I just want to go home, crawl in my bed and never get up."

and lately its nice to hear people talk about their problems because i feel as if I'm not alone in the 'one sided college drama.' hahaha. I think thats kinda bad of me. but its nice to just listen.

but point is i really appreaciate the encouragement. and incase i kill myself for some reason I wont really know-- I'll tell you the two happiest moments in my life: when i spend my time with you'ze guys (lets not get all mushy now). and when my mom told me that she hates my sister and called her a bitch.

there was some sort of self satisfaction there. *dreamy sigh* thank you world.

...

As for Naruto. The gay character with the middriff who is a total rip off of soujirou, completely pisses me off.

and I love how naruto loves sasuke. but sasukes a bastard and doesnt derseve that love.

I think my only sad thing about naruto now is that kabuto will die. ;_; he cant die. he's too hot to die!!! and he had this expression where he had the kindest face ever. ;_; the fucking world is cruel!!!

and orochimaru's a fag!

2005-12-23T08:25:00.000-08:00

aurora: you know... you really have to format that laptop. better yet, get an external hard drive <3. I think you need it more than i do. actually we both need it as much =_=.

I wo-- wait, what? the one with erika's stuff? thats in manila =x. in the office. ...I think. I forgot how it all went. @_@ how about the stuff you told me to download. did you want that?

curses!!! I actually gained weight. damn mom. ever since she came here, I've never went hungry. I wake up still full and i eat like 2 plates of whatever she made. and YES! I like bacon!! ALOT!

yea it did ^_^ I just kinda misplaced the button >_>;; I havent fixed it yet. but as for the glasses, apparently switching the lese will cost $180. and thats more than what i paid for the glasses!!!

oh my gosh!! DID YOU GO?!!! you have to tell me!!! I tried to email you, text you, call you (i think your dad picked up and wanted to get back to sleep =_=;;;) and so i finally caught greta online and she told me she'll tell you. and I messeged erika and she told me she answered the message too late.

;_; I'm sorry. I wanted you to pick mine up for me. but I'm curious as to if you went or not. I said that you should go if joey is going, or anyone else you like. as to get away from horse-face and laugh behind her back.

I'm using the same cell. I feel weird placing it online, I'll just send it to you.

curse your internetlessnes!!!

Erika: dude.. there was a guy in just is tighty whities!!! (eww...) and i was pushed against him. but yes. I feel so satisfied surviving that. I feel like a veteran concert goer now. it was fun in its own weird way since everyone was kind of in a high.

but the next time I'm going to a concert with a mosh pit, I"m renting out the nearest hotel room and bring out the perfumes and flowery bath gels. coz they fucking stink!

thank you. my glasses will be sent back to the philippines for repair. I always planned to steal american resources since they're too expensive to buy.

isnt it too early to shock them with something? you've only been in college for 2 years.

wait, why borrow the year book when you can ask someone to get it for you? (aurora~) well, I have a perfectly good excuse. and you! well... I mean, you already paid 1500 for the damn book you have to pay 200 to claim it, what the fuck?! just give us the damn book!

you'll borrow someone elses yearbook? just for browsing? damn it woman! how about a printed rememberance of the 1500 you freaking paid!!! (<-- love money)

...

I'm very much sorry for not updating this for a while. I've got alot of things running around my mind; which is the ever so popular nursing course that I'm entering.

I mean, theres so much requirements and the people who are to fill those requirements are not helping.

...

chuck palahniuk is a god. Like a child, my mind is easily molded by his ideas. Fight club has opened my eyes to most things.

and can i day, the ending of the book is way more kickass than the movie? it creeps me to no end. <3

nad so I might have announced that for a year, I'll be taking one year off of nursing in an attempt to pursue the whatever artistic soul that i might have.

yes. I'll be moving to north jersey for a year and after that I'll go back here and continue my nursing.

I mean, i hate nursing.

then another part of me says, maybe you'll grow to like nursing. and that i should keep an open mind about it.

then i thing again: well, the reason why i close it out is because i hate it.

and it kinda goes over and over.

=_=;; why oh why?

...

just the other day at work i saw dave, the 1/4 jap guy from my class last sem, with his girlfriend. i found it kinda amazing how he would stand there and pose and look so perfect doing it. and going "Hey Candice, (with his very stoned voice)" at the same time.

I kinda didnt recognize him at first because he looked different. but point is that, i called him the next day just checking in. he told me that he got accepted in the University of Arts in Phily for Graphic Design, and his band is starting their own label.

and I cant help but feel... both envy and admiration to the guy. I want to bury a hole, crawl in and die. thats how pissed i am about myself.

and it troubles me that... I feel like Im not doing anything awesome. and i know the answer to that-- sadly. the reason why i can never leave nursing.

and I'm slowly thinking that I'm making life more difficult by adding some one sided drama to it all. I'm guilty for that I think. the whole "nursing vs. art" syndrome.

...

so far everytime I come home from work I just want to sleep. work is tiring. I should record you guys my voice when i work. its very very american and so-- according to my mom-- tele marketer. haha.

*tear* i suck. noo. I need the money!! oh yes. I'm getting you guys presents. so please when i tell you, come over to my house and just pick it up ok?

2005-12-02T07:23:00.000-08:00

Aurora: Aww! dont you trust my driving skills? ^_~

Yey! for a second you made it sound like I'm going to eat colin, neil and whats-his-name. O_o. I dont eat white people. I conquer them!!!

layely megaupload is slow for me. but zupload? never tried that yet. but maybe =D and Ooo~ I might be able to send you your stuff now! I have one gig worth of it, the stuff you asked me to download that is. hahaha

I havent seen you online lately ;_; muy sad.

I think I'd eat the tub full of jellibeans <3 or even better, bacon. <3 a tub of bacon *drool*

kuya: well, I was bored at the moment and I felt like asking a psychic. I find it amazong hwo they are vaguely right about everything else but the future. at that point they are having the nostradamus thingy- where its so vague it can be applied everywhere.

I have decided that I will let the wind take it's course. yey~!!

kuya, the guy bashing did get in. that's why I'm completly into gay men <3 this is your doing. and anime's.

aurora, if I ever turn into a dyke, you're my first choice *wink* and then greta, then erika, then... uhh... however the soap opera goes.

...

speaking of dykeness...

there is a female version of queer as folk in Showtime (the channel that made queer as folk) it is muy... i-cant-watch. I didnt by the way, I just saw the commercial becuase I've never heard of "The L word" before. so be warned of the series called "the L word"

...
Against Me Concert

As you know, I'm not a punk person--Expecially not into the hard core underground punk scene. However I did go to such a concert because of Lauren, my bandmate.

We had a deal, she'll go with my to the Iron & Wine concert if I'll go with her to the Against Me Concert. And so there I was, in a small theater filled with punk kids, majority of them looked like a duplicate of themselves. Same piercings and tunnels. Same black sweater and skin tight pants. One thing I noticed was that none of them, compared to the emos, are wearing glasses. that I kinda wondered. I thought I was the only one in the line wearing glasses.

I remember that when I lined up for the decemberists there were so many people wearing glasses. And obviously, some of them wear it not because they need it, because it looked good on them. and that pissed me off.

But moving on, they had three opening bands. The second one kinda stirred a mosh pit in the center. Then I was kinda weirded out because, holy fuck! theres gonna be a mosh pit?!! then I scanned my head with any information about mosh pits. I remember when I saw in concerts it was only close to the center. the very line in the front wasnt moving. so I thought if I just stuck to the front, I wouldnt be bothered.

but alas, as Against Me came on I was pushed from the front to the middle to the right end of the floor. and on the way, I fell a couple of times right on the floor. But it was so awesome to have someone pull you up again and smile at you as they were doing it.

At one point I lost my glasses. YES. my super expensive tetsu imitation glasses. Good fucking lord I wanted to cry. this big guy, I dont know if he was part of the control group or part of the audience, tried to steady everyone in the "typhoon" and seeing as I was distressed asked what was wrong.

I motioned a pair of glasses out of my hands and he made everyone steap out into a circle and help me look for it. People were shouting left and right "it's gone, dude" and obviously, if you lost anything like that there, you'd expect never to see it.

However I was lucky. They found my glasses and another person's glasses. I thanked the dude and moved out of the scene utterly saddened by the sight of my glasses. the 'unscratchable' lens (rather the multi coating for it) are scratched and bruised. the handles are broken and disfigured.

;_;

Stupid girl i was, I decided to look for lauren in the crowd to tell her that I"m going to go wait in the side. And so I went back in, and I couldnt find her anywhere. but what I did see were people already in the shkimmies, people close to unconciousness still chanting about only alive in motion from the pushing and pulling. I had my face slammed at the back of some sweaty punk white guy. Not only that, I was in the center, I thought I was going to die of heat and strange smells.

EW.

I gave up looking for her and resided on sitting on the floor at the otherside of where i came from. I guess my only problem was the weird looks people are giving me. One of the reasons why I didnt enjoy this was that I look like a poser.

but I'm not, because I'm not a punk fan. and look at my attire, Its muy fashionable compared to the le punk uniform. I'm not all about the anarchy and 100 decibles-too-loud music that would cause permanent ear damage. No! I like mellow music. because all that people do is just bounce and its not deafening. and I can actually understand the words they say. I was never interested in the punk scene. but i did discover that even anarchists can be nice.

but point is that i couldnt tell myself that "Oh so the lesson was never go to a punk concert" because I NEVER WANTED TO!!!

Another sad thing that came out of this concert is that one of the buttons to my Topshop military jacket is missing. this the snag for it is sadly bouncing around whilst i walk.

;_; I will never go to a punk concert again. maybe i would have enjoyed it if my glasses and my jacket werent involved. Maybe i would have enjoyed it if I liked the band. the pushing and pulling was fun at a point.

my bandmate however, came out with torn shoes (canvas), bruised feet and looked like she had an orgasm. (not like I exactly knew what that looked like)

Now it makes sense why punk people wear second hand clothing all the time and why they dont wear glasses like the emos. Their clothing always gets wrecked. MY FUCKING BUTTON WAS OFF!!! and MY GLASSES ;_;

I REALLY REALLY LIKED THOSE TWO!! because i spent alot of money on that. and obviously if you spend alot of money on something you're like "are you sure you want it?" and its an obvious YES! I DO! I'll WEAR IT EVERYDAY!!

and I think that's where it went wrong...

hmm.. I think i also contributed to the smell in the punk concert. I kept on farting.... I blame lauren's mom! her soup... made me extra gassy...

2005-11-21T09:21:00.000-08:00

Fuu: yes. all I can say is that i like your bg music. <3

Kath: Ma-mao!

Aurora: Dude, you and ryo can have that sort of "angry towards each other and its kinda hot" type of attraction.

RED CRAB!! DUDE ;_; I miss eating out with you'ze guys. I miss a lot of things lately. ;_; well, I always did >_>;; coz america sucks. and I would love to live in a cheap ass 3rd world country because this high living crap is not in my budget. I mean, even the poor people here have classier food than me. ...not like i really eat classy food...

I did resist buying that shirt, and the next week it was on sale for $10... and then I bought it. I cant believe i bought it though. its like, I dont even buy an article of clothing for just 500php. thats insane.

YEY!!! I get to drive aurora around! and we can drive on the highway and stuff like that. can you imagine it? ROAD TRIP!!! <3

I think you should re-format your compy. because, well, its a bit worn from the virus attacks and the jap boy attacks.

...

Naruto rant:

why hello naruto. I do hopw that you do say yes to either neji's or gaara's proposal, because honestly, they are the hottest turn outs in anime "many years later" history. ^_~

Shino became kinda cooler. reminding me even more of ff10's aureon. or however that name is spelled. kiba is the cute adolescent rascal. and hinata has BOOBS!

sakura... eh... sakura.

but CHOUJI!!! IS SUPER CUTE!!!! <3 <3 more and more like his dad. I think chouji is the type to own a lechon business. <3

later on, there was a guy that fought naruto. that guy... the guy who said questioned narutos male... traits... is wearing a fucking mid-drift. WHAT THE FUCK?!

Excuse me, my son is perfectly.. male. no matter how effeminate i want him to be. but damn it, he's all fucking man because of... umm.. HIS DAD'S HOT!

and yes. I can not answer... because... I suck at debate. ;_; le tear.

...

I went to a psychic the other day with my band mate. She convinced me to go and then i went and we had the cheapest one done: which was a one sentence telling on each of your aspects: love, family, and short term love. >_>;;

The only reason why i wanted to go was because i was having problems with my nursing-art scenario. Thus when i went there she told me that I'll only date one guy and thats the guy that i'll marry. and then i'll have two kids and that my family will get better.

now hearing about my love life was not something i expected because, well, Im really into the whole boyfriend-girlfriend scene. but so far, this is what I thought from that predition:

1. i felt jipped because she gave me the answers for the questions that i never found important to me
2. holy shite. I'm straight... I hope this will not interfear with our gay soap opera.
3. I hope he's not white/black/or yellow. which almost leaves me with nothing. OH and no latinos.... whatever color they are.
4. I'll think that pregnancy is so awesome that I'm up for another round.
5. Justine Resultan (Rasultan)once told me when i used to hangout with her that her mom's a bitch. and she said "thats what you get for marrying the only guy your first boyfriend." and it kinda made me think of divorce...

but for my friend the lady was complately accutate because they were talking a mostly about boys and her relationship with boys and...

well. it annoyed me. I mean, the predictions are relationship-inclined. I mean, a person cant even learn her world domination possibilities without hearing about her future ~~slave~~ partner and number of ~~slaves~~ offsprings first.

and by the way, I was planning on having three children. though one might be adopted. because naruto seems like an orphan. <3 aww.

and yes. I will be the mother who bases her children to anime characters. fuck you. we all have our things. XP

~

two days after, we went back to the psychic and this time I was going to make shure that she talk about my career.

95% of what she said she already said last time. but the new part was something that depressed me alot. I asked if I had a future in art, and she said no. "you like it but you're not really into art. you'll be in business."

and then i thought to myself: hmm. it better be the business of world domination. because i wont settle for anything else. aside from the enslavery of the american society and destruction of other corporate companies and things of such nature.

and... i wanted to be in a mafia...

because I'm cool. ;_;

and then finally i asked her if I'll ever go back home. Another thing that made me depressed was when she said that I'll go back but I wont live there. *tear*

NOOO! I WILL NOT BE CONVERTED TO THE AMERICAN MIND SET!!! NOOOOOOOOO!!!

ps. aurora, when you get here, I"m so bringing you to that damn psychic. and greta and erika if they ever come. YOU BETTER COME!
...

but aside from the annoying future, lets point to other things---> Nursing.

Nursing has been quite a bitch to me lately. because there are so many things to do. there are the immunizations and physical examinations.

@_@ and then theres the registration for school.

...school. I dont want to deal with it right now. >_< I have been buming around watching TV and not even liking what i watch. I dont know what to do with the internet anymore since I cant catch anyone online and I've stopped having addictions to anime or Jrock.

And yes, Not to mention my stress for appling into art schools for no particular reason even if I have no future in it. ;_;

I"ll be like that guy who gave me a survey. graduated in liberal arts philosophy from a state university and giving surveys.

GAH! NOOOO!!! VERY NO! that's it. some how I'll build up a comapany importing jap boys and selling them to pretty girls. bWAHAHAHAHA!! I know I already have a first customer. *wink*

and then the FBI might arrest me. but who cares?

oh yes. something disturbing and funny

2005-11-11T06:23:00.000-08:00

Aurora: sorry it didnt work for you =x I dont really know how to fix that because greta can view my blog. and well.. I dont know about the italics... @_@

Oh *blush* you make it sound like i never humiliate myself anymore. trust me, I still do. I bet you alot of girls will ask him to marry them. But you know what, I have this new thing, I will ask them cheesy pick up lines. hehehe

I wish I can ask ben gibbard, "are you jamaican? because you're jamaican me crazy!" or something as cheezy and as inane.

--because its awesome. completely.

I hate that narutos getting popular. damnz it alls!!!

aurora... we didnt get to go to red crab ;_;

Greta: aww I did miss you, in the most sisterly incestious way possible.

oh greta. I was faking having self confidence. its still lacking. yep.

dude, you know what would have been awesome. if we were popular and we'd meet nobuo and mitsuda, and if they can speak english, we can talk about music and stuff. <3 tis nothing but a dream.

YEY! I'm so proud of you for practicing!! I'll try my hardest for you too.

oh my god. just a garbage bag? the poorest i felt was when i went into that rich guy's house. the house infront of aurora's house and asked them if i can use their phone because aurora isnt answering her door bell. and I was soaked wet and i lost my slippers in the rain. and the worst part was that i was wearing WHITE! >_<

well, I figure if you hear my name often enough it will sound smooth. like greta alvarez doesnt sound awkward. i think names just take getting used to. but I cant think of any other screen name. >_> aside from candalf. and according to a mega name generator: chocolate turtle or something.

its like saying that your lowest standard for a hot guy is in this simple formula: dude + injury = happy greta. not to forget certain exceptions: REAL relatives. (not fake ones like us)

Erika: Damn you erika. you're such a cheat. just because you're in singapore doesnt mean that you cant type a long post!!!

Kuya: yea...

...

I finally passed the fucking drivers knowledge test. I deserve a praise. though there were some factors that were going against me, i still tried to make thursday a great day.

i really really tried.

...

two times this week, two guys said to me that they swear that i must dye my hair because I certainly seem blonde.

I'm mean, sure, I space out. I'm slow. but that doesnt mean that I'm a fucking white person!!! blonde doesnt even match my fucking skin tone!!! >_< I swear to god I'll sue you.

...

colin meloy's going to the TLA next year bitch~ oh yes. and I dont know what to say to him. I have picked out a couple of cheezy lines that I would like to say, as to humiliate myself further but this time, on purpose.

speaking of the word bitch, I watched Mean Girls the other day because it was free from comcast. Aside from other characters and the SNL cast that made it extra funny, I didnt like everything else.

I'm beginning to think that i dont actually like linsay lohan but i would completely vote for her if i had to choose between her and hillary duff. ...how ever you spell the name...

but yes. one last thing about lisay lohan: BOOBS! --that was all.

...

if anyone would care, project runway is coming up on december, though last year, I think they showed it on november. and so far its the only reality show that i love to watch.

...I dont know why. maybe its because I think Jay is awesome. that fat diva of a man, I loves him so much.

...

new york and company's having a sale, thats 70% off, Idont have a car and i can drive but i can commute there but it would take me two hours to get there compared to just driving, which is 20 mins.

and there was that shirt that i really liked. *sigh* damn my shopping cravings. AURORA GET YOUR ASS HERE!!! it's almost thanksgiving and thanksgiving usually has the best sales =D

...

Top 5 Songs:

1. Colin Meloy sings Morrissey - Everyday Is Like Sunday ~<3
2. A Northern Chorus - Cleanse The Air
3. Belle and Sebastian - The Boy Done Wrong Again
4. Cat Power - He War
5. Feist - Mushaboom

2005-10-27T12:39:00.000-07:00

...

Erika: No, i didnt cry. bwahahaha!! I've completely gone over that. I will never cry in front of a person i would deem popular ever again.

we are.. kinda.. ripping off other bands. but its hard. its only the both of us and I'm not that into electronica. =_=; but yes, i told her that and she said she loves you. <3

You bastard! I will never have mixed-breed children! I will have freegin filipino children~! because I'm awesome. and Im a racist. my child will be the anti-christ of cultural one-ness!! all hail my soon to be gay son!

isnt "Melon Collie" that joke from Stewie in Family Guy?

YEY! you finally watched Advent children. my only problem is that you like/not bothered with aerith... why? i mean... WHY?!

...

bear with me as i re-type this whole event. I should hit myself for restarting the computer and with a really long entry left unsaved.

all the joy has been sucked out by tired feet due to long walks and long hours of standing and most importantly: converse shoes. they hurt like hell.

but here i go:

tuesday, straight after work, i caught the 403 bus to philadelphia with an almost daring plan conducted by lauren, my bandmate and fellow concert-goer. The plan was, she'll reach the same bus as I would and we'd both go straight to philly.

it was quite annoying since many... itims... like to talk to me in public transportation areas. (why?!) and so i got on the bus and waited anxiously till I hit laurens stop.

so happy that we caught the same bus. part of me felt that this is all daring and so james bond and stuff like that... I dont know why. I blame all spy movies. oh. and i got peanut butter cookies. <3

soon, the bus started getting empty, and thats when I finally changed my pants into a skirt; lauren thought was absolutely silly. because changing clothing in a public transportation is forbidden or just weird. but for some reason... it seemed normal.

we were dropped off at an earlier stop and we proceeded to go to the concert. we were a bit late, thus posibilities about being in the very front are well ruined. we did a make-shift thing by going deep from the very side and push our way in, following another group of people that were pusing in.

The opening band was "Stars" They were fucking awesome. I heart their instrumentals and the male vocalist's trumpet. I felt a bit... awkward that people can easily see the female vocalist's panties because she was kinda bouncing around with her tiny skirt.

but all and all, it was great. one semi yaoi moment though when the gutarist was swinging his guitar towards the keyboardist and was giving a naughty "oh yea~" to him. The keyboardist was looking at the keyboard then awkwardly, for a brief moment at the guitarist; then back at the keyboard again thinking, "wtf?!"

during the whole time a group of friends infront of me were fucking annoying. from my right side, they pushed their way to the front. and they were TALL. BASTARDS. They were dancing around in a compact area-- so obviously, i get pushed around with all the motion.

Death cab came on, polite and brief, and started playing songs. their opening was "new years revolution" with their fancy lights that were freakishly blinding.

anyway. ben gibbard was there, in his light brown short sleeved polo and dark brown cordoroy pants. and kept switching guitars for every song. the effects were great. I was kinda sad that there wasnt a lot of in-between... "dialogue" with the audience.

now the persons in the front were gone, their evil smoking and butt pushing with them. but now there are fangirls behind me, who love screaming the lyrics off key.

...my ears...

pretty much when it ended, ben gibbards light brown shirt has turned dark brown. the thing that I'm wondering the most is, why is it that he sweats like hell while his other band mates are... not... sweaty looking.

~

at the end of the show, my friend and i waited for them for one hour to show up. what we got was chris walla, the keyboardist/guitarist of death cab. he was very nice with everyone and tended to everyone who were waiting.

interesting, that bands people look for a very nice Sharpie (the marker). it seems to be the only marker they like.

I was the only one carrying a sharpie because people get searched before going in the concert and they confiscate pens.

chris walla: who has a pen
candalf: i do
chris walla: can i borrow it?
candalf: sure. will you pay me?
chris walla: *pause* yea. sure.
candalf: with the free food they give in electric factory?
chris walla: wait... we didnt get any free food.
candalf: WHAT?!

and so i lent it to him anyway and he was very light hearted about it all <3

candalf: do you mind if i ask how your band started?
chris walla: no, i dont mind. its acutally a typical band story. you know we were in school. we're friends. ben was in a band. I wasnt in a band.
lauren: dude, that's us. we have a band
candalf: we kinda suck.
lauren: we conceptualize the whole time
candalf: and practice oh so rarely. what was your ratio of conceptualizing to acutal practice?
chris walla: acutally its 7 to 1.
lackadaisical toasters: *cheers*
chris walla: we played so many shows with just a small number of people. and a million paybacks that sucked.
candalf: nice to know we're on the right track.

and so he went around to sign and take pictures in the freezing cold, just wearing a shirt and a polo. brave man.

thirty minutes later ben gibbard showed up and at the same time the dudes from stars showed up. and I only realized it when the keyboardist, the last person leaving, was from stars and I completely missed the other members.

everyone rushed to ben gibbard on sight. i was torn between ben gibbard and the only dude in stars i can talk to. so i did, talk to Chris Seligman, the keyboardist of stars.

basically, the conversation was long and I learned that:
1. stars took 5 years to get there
2. chris seilgman has a degree in music in french horn
3. ben gibbard didnt go to music school. the bastard.

most importantly, he told us to quit college and go into music. <3 I love people who do that.

finally we bid farewell and great show to the keyboardist and went to ben gibbard who was about to leave. I came up to him after he was hugging his other fans that have been talking to him for a while.
I asked him to sign my ticket. check.
I asked him for a hug. check.
I asked him for a kiss on the cheek. then did a "stop right there"-look away pose and said never mind. I realize I was getting too annoying.

I'm so annoying. and thats where i just embarassed myself. It never ends...

...

part of me thinks that I forced ben gibbard to a hug. and he was so adorable with his hands in his pockets and smiling. <3 And I wish i could write a letter to colin meloy and say, ben gibbard hugged me, bitch.

and he was so nice. but an ass for making us wait long. chris walla was so nice <3 I hearts him forever~!

...

My god-sister just recently had her baby! *cheers*
and I'm the ninang. *pause*

I'm uberly grateful but I feel unfit to bear such a responsibility. Im all: whoa. thanks dude, but i have a feeling your mom suggested that i'd be the ninang. because I havent talked to you in years and when i last saw you, I was in my pjs and being very shy and introverted.

but I'll try to imagine me being a ninang. hmm.. if the baby's a boy, I'm completely making him gay. <3 because i believe in love! and if she's a girl... I hope she doesnt turn out to be a bitch.

any kid that will be connected to me must have a sense of shame and be freakishly cheap. and will not dress sluty.

bwahaha~.

...

oh *tear* gaara. I'm so happy that your alive and your hotness will live on <3 kya!

and and and masashi kishimoto has a new character up... irk. the character seems so... cheesy. some dude without emotion. >_> c'mon, kishimoto. you can be more original than that.

well, I'm sure there'll be some twist in it or something. like he develops this crush towards naruto or something. =D

...

I'd like to apologize for my not-posting-a-lot phase. i dont know if it will ever get back. lately, Ive been watching tv more and I guess i prefer to relax and sit around and have something or someone entertain me.

work has been great. my co-worker got her finger cut (not off. but on the side of the finger, from the knuckle to the finger joint thing) and she showed me the stitches.

*shiver* it looks like it's plastic or something. can you imagine when they take it out?! OH MY GODS!! *squemish* I'm supposed to be the nurse here...

..oh greta. my co-worker was injured and got nine stitches. are you turned on? because I was fucking creeped.

...

dear lord, something in me just died when i went to hottopic.com.

they're promoting their naruto tees. after a while, my jaw hurt from staring in disbelief at what i was seeing.

;_; MUST YOU TAKE EVERYTHING FROM ME?!!! YOU SON OF A <------->!!!!!!!!!!!!

I hate fucking corporate america so much,
candalf

2005-10-08T18:02:00.000-07:00

hey bitches. guess who met colin meloy from the back door of the concert yesterday. oh yes!

it was a rainy night after one kickass performance. I never thought that they would out do their previous performance but they did. Colin Meloy was such a sweetheart to the audience and he was very courtious and did crazy stuff for them.

One of his most daring acts was that he climed the side railings of the area. yes. and then he dangled himself above the crowd with only one hand and one foot on the railings. Which brings me to my two points:

1. Colin Meloy was on top of me
2. My friend and I got crotch shots <3

Near the ending he actually convinced the whole crowd to sit down on the ground with his adorable gestures. and then brought us all back up and bouncing to his awesome songs.

At first thinking that $25 fucking dollars for a decemberist tee was fucking expensive. but those basterds made it seem all worth it--- but fear not fellow filipinos. i didnt buy it.

because I was waiting for his apperance in the back door. it was raining. and my friend and i had to struggle under a pathetic excuse of an umbrella bought from divisoria.

this crazy, yet friendly fangirl and her friends were also there, wild about seeing Colin Meloy come out to the loading dock. but after 20 mins of waiting and wind starting to come strong-- they left. Leaving my friend and i and another small group of older fans.

The minute after that group left colin meloy came out with the bassist. My heart stopped for a second. I couldnt believe my eyes. There was the guy that I've been admireing. The bastard with his awesome stage adventures and goddammed creative-writing-major lyrics.

He looked down on us(My chin to the building's floor length) and crouched down and shook his fans' hands. my friend pushed me to him because I didnt know whether im wet because of the rain or i just pissed myself. but indeed, my hands wet from the rain, it touched his hand and... and and .... "marry me..."- did not come out of my mouth.

One of his fans said something about signing an autograph and I quickly whipped out my ticket stub and asked him to sign it, soon everyone whipped out their ticket stub and the signing commensed.

as he was signing i asked him a question:
candalf: in your song the Mariners Revenge, what does the mariner say in the end?
colin meloy: what do you mean *signing other peoples tickets*
candalf: you know, the last part before he kills the guy he said "these are the last words you'll hear." you never said what it was.
colin meloy: I'll leave that to your imagination. something violent
candalf: you mean... sexual violence?
colin meloy: *laughs* thinks: man, ive gont a twisted and perverted fan...

I couldnt talk to him anymore because I didnt want to look stupid and and and and... yes. I had nothing to say. GASP!

but too late, learly on, on oct 12, my friend made it clear to me that "there are the last words you'll ever hear" ARE THE LAST WORDS HE'LL EVER HEAR! oh my gods candalf. you were stupid infront of another person you admire.

that would explain the slight confusing that stirred in him mind as he looked at me again. when you think about it, its like, "what else can you say after saying that?"

*digs a hole and crawls in it* damnz it! I... i... am damaged beyond repair. guess who cant say anything to anyone during the upcoming Death Cab concert. *frustrated*

but if we ever meet again, I will completely redeem myself. and i hope i wont fuck that up:

colin meloy: oh, i remember you. you're that sexual violence girl.
candalf: yes, about that... remember that question i aked you. it was a trick question. YES! it was.
colin meloy: ...ok.... did i pass?
candalf: hmm... depends if you wanna make out *wink*

my friend on the other had got her spark when one of the other fans asked colin meloy his other favorite bands. once he mentioned: the smiths- my friend got crazy.

and ladies and gentlemen: he KNOWS ben gibbard and stephen malkamus. *GASP~!*

dude: who are your influences?
colin meloy: the smiths
friend: OH MY GOD! i love them <3. who else do you like?
...
friend:we have a band
colin meloy: oh really
friend: yea. we're inspired by you and we're also going to be the female Pavement. and we're going to rip you off
colin meloy: go ahead. we ripped off other bands too.

and she had a moment <3 rather two moments. and I, one moment and an imaginary come back. i hope when we meet again next year, he wont remember me.... *hides in some dark corner*

and comes my second announcement: Yes. I am in a band. not really a band but its just the two if us. I wasnt going to announce about it until we made a song. but apparently she told colin meloy that so, someone in the music biz knows and so that means its official.

the name of our band is: The Lackadaisical Toasters.

and god knows it took me forever to learn how to spell "Lackadaisical". =_=

And we will be popular and we'll rake in the money and I'll spend it on jap adolecents for aurora, injured japs for greta, and little jap boys for erika.

and everyone haves fun right? And I get to marry Colin Meloy because I'm entitled to dream and be dilusional because he is the nicest, most patient and creative and most decent looking artist there is!

--who might have a girlfriend but still! its not like I'm stalking him and i cling to his every word.

--ok. i admit it. during the concert, i WAS clinging to his every word. and I was smitten by him and his god damnz charisma and voice and accent and niceness and and and the possibility of him being 1/2 chinese. DAMZ! he's 1/2 white and 1/2 chinese! the two cultures i hate.

I think it was ment to be. *tear* but still one day, when the Lackadaisical Toasters rise, he'll ask US if he can be our opening band! and tells us that he loves us and knows that we exist.

...

navi: awesome. but alas. I am not of the gaming world since year 2000/1. I only love their musical composers. *tear*

aurora: dude. I think concaves only exist in the anime world. O_o;;; I still havent met anyone with a concave. the only concave i saw was by eric forman in that 70's show and thats because he's like 1/3 a person.

I'm gonna have to say that erika is not intolerant. -- oh my gods. double negativeS!!!!

I'm the poorest suger mommy in the history of man kind. I need a fucking job!

damnit aurora! just admit it: you lust after erika! your OTHER SISTER ;_; its twisted and disturbing. like those two lesbians that i saw in the concert that gave me the heebie-jeebies. *shiver*

Greta: everyones older than you T_T

dude, did you know that mitsuda tried to pull an orchestra with xenosaga I? *gasp* the bastard! i say it was ok. it sounded very... american (read: bland). not as dramatic as yoko kanno.

...you read notes? wha--? I didnt get what you said. but it sounds like you're evolving in the music department.

oh dude, my friend just burned you. he said that tchacovsky is like the britney spears of classical--- BURN!!!!

no! you should really taste the meatloaf my friend made. its homemade, thus made with love of home and food <3

how many times do i have to tell you: you getting rejected was your own fault. now suck it up and be a... a... umm... lover! if we didnt reject you then you and your hima wouldnt have been engaged. ^_^

greta... you want erika?!! your own SISTER!!! ...or was it niece...?

i consider us all to be imaginative because we have devised the ultimate soap opera. but I'm sure by the time when we are all rich and powerful we'll make an even better soap opera that will compleatly over throw desperate housewives. it will have hot jap boys, injuries and more!

sweetie, not all chicks dig the cassanova act. we love you just the carrot you are ^_^ <3

Erika: you'll forget your first love when the computer doesnt do a good job of reading the thingy wingies... when I played chrono trigger on the desktop, it was so annyoing >_<

so erika, do you admit that you arte dominatrix material? (--bossy) because everyone seems to want to see that. I cant imagine it. I can only see you between laughing and awkward as you whip some dude and apologise for it and look ofr some hot guy to whip him instead.

I'm not tolerant. I admit it. <3

...

bastards of the world!!! I'm getting a very "B" vibe from all my tests. *fumes*. WHY A *B*?!!! I'm in fucking america. damn it! i curse colin meloy! because of him i couldnt concentrate with my studies.

... because i am horrible infatuated with his image. I cant say that i love him because i dont know him so I'll settle with, I'm obsessed with what he shows to be.

I got into nursing baby. *tear* just when i was having a crisis in "maybe i dont want to be a nurse anymore" department

i'd like to thank aurora and my mom who was there for me. ^_^

and and and... I think i shall live my youth to the fullest! yes i will try to be more impulsive and less introverted. morely because I have a dream career to fulfill and we need more connections and what-nots.

...

So far, my top songs are:

1. On the bus mall -the decemberists
2. Naked girl -the velvet teen
3. Siren 2 -asian kung fu generation

...

there was a gay guy on television talking about Tom Cruise. and he said: "If he wasnt short, then there'd be no justice in the world."

and I hate him. because he prevented Nicole kidman from taking anti depressants. because he's living a happy life and he wants her to suffer.

i mean, sure, dont take anti depressants but he's not going to help you to be happy. I say kill tom cruise! because he's a fag! --wait! i love fags...

umm.. kill Tom Cruise because he's WHITE!! YESS!!!!!

...

I just had to add the good news and bad news:

bad news: colin meloy said that if he was invited to play in the OC, he said "FUCK YEAH!"

good news: colin meloy is just 10 years older than me <3 youngest bastard i ever liked!!!!

and I GOTS A JOB AT BATH AND BODY WORKS, BITCH!!!!

2005-09-24T12:18:00.000-07:00

Aurora: deep inside, we all want to be hot gay men who live in pittsburg. <3 but you know whats even better? A hot gay man driving around tokyo and picking up hot jap boys ^_~

Oh sweetie, I tried the strike tag before and it really didnt work. I dont blame you but I dont know what you were supposed to strike. >_> so just type it like this then[strike]?[/strike]

Erika: you're right. I would be even more pissed if Neil Gaiman's hot. I like him alot now, and maybe even more if he is jap-boy hot. GAH!

Oh poor erika, I hear you are internetless. which I think is absolutely wrong. I was going to say "Internetlesss and erika should never be in the same sentence." BUt I couldnt because I did use "Erika" and "Internetless" in the same sentence.

So I'm emotionally unwithdrawn? so does that mean im expressive?

Navi: The reason why I didnt want to watch advent children was because I knew i would get it. and there'll be those little tinkers that only fan-fans would get.

Oh my god. greta told me about that game. actually the forums were excited about it. I must be really out of the gaming industry to not be excited by it. GAH! whats wrong with me!!!

Greta: I admire tetsuya nomura. *_* I admire him [artist & director]and daisuke ishikawa [artist and composer].

cursed those japanese people. we better be more awesome than them because we are filipinos damn it~!

I forgive your speechlessness--- for love is speechless! and dont you dare blame la salle for your green minded self. I heart la salle even if I never went to school there.

...

I'm going to rant about how I'm not in touch with my old likings:

Naruto - among all. I cant believe im narutoxsasuke dead! NO! they were like my only hope for normal boy love!

Manga in GENERAL~! because I dont have mirc. but I'd still read Never Give Up if i had the chance

Anime-in general because I used to know all those new ones and the good ones and etc. coz I had no other life

RPG- yea this died when my playstation died and the ps3 came out. I'm still against the ps2. FUCK THE PS2

Larc en ciel = oh yes, baby. the love is dead. people in the forum kinda scared me. speaking or rabid fangirls. At first i thought they were just kidding around with their possessiveness but it went on and on and on for the longest time. it just got really annoying.

and I still havent listened to their new album. O_o;

I actually dont know what I'm into right now. I've been numbing myself watchign tv. I've been brain dead for quite a while. maybe i should read books. they're intelectually stimulating. ....yea. I sometimes dont want to think.

...

AHEM: YASUNORI MITSUDA UPDATE!!!

Yasunori Mitsuda and Matsuda Kato (I think thats his name, the writer of Chrono Trigger) have an upcoming game in the DS: Deep Labyrith.

...sucky title. ^_^; but yasunori mitsuda is the composer so I completely encourage people to buy this. This is their future project and their last mini-mini project together was Kirite. a cd that I'm trying to get my hands on.

mitsuda the bastard!

and there are rumors circulating about a orchestrated chrono cross.

part of me sez: EW! celtic/guitar songs turned orchestra is kind of... weird.
but another part of me is all for it because I've never really heard Yaunori mitsudas attempt for a Nobuo-orchestrated style.

because I think nobuo should stick to orchestra- which he is most exellent at and mitsuda should stick to celtic-- which he is most excellent as.

...

I was talking to a friend and her dad the other day. and we were joking around and teasing each other. so her dad said something, my reply was a "screw you." (I was joking about it)

and my friend hit me. "Hey, thats my dad you ass!"

and I was all: "oh~ i take it back then."

I meant it in a very jokingly manner and in the spirit of fun and tease. but I cant believe a actually dissed someones dad. O_o; too casual i guess. GAH! Now I'm so paranoid.

did he know I was joking?! eep! noo!! dont keep me out of your house!
I love your wife's meatloaf!~!!!!

...

I feel dumb. its the third test that I failed in my driving test. GAH!!! I'm dumber than americans!!! I CANT TAKE THIS!!!

i feel so sad but they ask all these ridiculous questions like:

How much longer will it take for a truck to stop in the rain?

a. 100%, b. 50%, c. 25%, d. 75%

...

What i think is wrong and right about this assumption:

Aquarius
January 21 to February 20

Primary Characteristics
~~- Generous~~
~~- Tolerant~~
Positive Personality Traits
- Friendly
~~- Independent and intellectual~~
- Loyal and honest
~~- Original and inventive~~
Dangers
- Can be intractable and contrary
- Can be unemotional/cold and detached
....am i ?
- Sometimes perverse and/or unpredictable
hell yea, baby! --wait. that means perverted right?

Most Compatible
- Gemini, Libra, Aquarius
Compatible
- Pisces, Aries, Sagittarius, Capricorn
I'm compatible to Aurora and Greta. *wink*
Evens
- Cancer, Virgo
Least Compatible
- Taurus, Leo, Scorpio
=I apparently hate erika. How drama.

And aurora is a:
Pisces
February 21 to March 20

Primary Characteristics
- Kind
- Psychic or Intuitive
- Sensitive
Positive Personality Traits
- Compassionate and kind
- Imaginative and sensitive
=tee-hee
- Intuitive and sympathetic
- Selfless and unworldly
Dangers
- Can be escapist and idealistic
=Jap boys baby!~
- Can be secretive and vague
- Sometimes weak-willed and easily led
=by....JAP BOYS!!!!

Most Compatible
- Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces
Compatible
- Aries, Taurus, Capricorn, Aquarius
Evens
- Leo, Libra
Least Compatible
- Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius
...
Erika:
Leo
July 21 to August 20

Primary Characteristics
- Loving
- Outgoing
Positive Personality Traits
- Broad-minded and expansive
- Creative and enthusiastic
=HORRIDLY CREATIVE! so creative. i cant take it
- Faithful and loving
- Generous and warmhearted
Dangers
- Can act bossy and interfering
- Can be dogmatic and intolerant
- Can be pompous and patronizing
=deep inside. i can tell she is.

Most Compatible
- Sagittarius, Aries
Compatible
- Virgo, Libra, Gemini, Cancer
Evens
- Capricorn, Pisces, Leo
Least Compatible
- Scorpio, Aquarius, Taurus

...

Greta:

Capricorn
December 21 to January 20

Primary Characteristics
- Ambitious
- Practical
= such a husband...
Positive Personality Traits
- Ambitious and disciplined
- Often humorous
- Patient and careful
- Practical and prudent
- Sometimes reserved ---right... you're a player!!
Dangers
- Can be miserly and grudging
- Sometimes over conventional and rigid
- Sometimes pessimistic or fatalistic

Most Compatible
- Taurus, Virgo
Compatible
- Aquarius, Pisces, Scorpio, Sagittarius
Evens
- Gemini, Leo, Capricorn
Least Compatible
- Aries, Cancer, Libra

...

You scored as agnosticism. You are an agnostic. Though it is generally taken that agnostics neither believe nor disbelieve in God, it is possible to be a theist or atheist in addition to an agnostic. Agnostics don't believe it is possible to prove the existence of God (nor lack thereof).

Agnosticism is a philosophy that God's existence cannot be proven. Some say it is possible to be agnostic and follow a religion; however, one cannot be a devout believer if he or she does not truly believe.

agnosticism

75%

atheism

67%

Satanism

67%

Buddhism

63%

Islam

63%

Hinduism

54%

Paganism

46%

Christianity

46%

Judaism

42%

Which religion is the right one for you? (new version)
created with QuizFarm.com

Take THAT satan! I'm too good for you!

2005-09-18T18:42:00.000-07:00

Navi: I heart manhattan! yey~ yea. i kinda want the beetle too. its adorable and drew carrey has one.

Greta: The I'll take you to heaven is like, you're going to kill me.

I used the "my relatives are nurses and they brainwashed me with the idea that nursing is fun."

I'm so surprised that you were all for it with the spending your parents money. didnt you ever get disgusted with some of our classmates who keep using their parents money, without any feeling of guilt.

Aurora: Alrighty!! I'll try not to be easily coerced into giving up the cr-v. its dads present for me anyway (that my mom is paying for...) but hehehe, aurora, i can get a jeep ^_~ tee-hee! I'll feel like a hot gay man in pittsburg.

isnt it awesome! driving around america in a jeep. <3

Erika: you wont think, "oo shiny" with a car that you're going to spend a shit load of money on. but thats an understanding way of approaching a hand me down car.

I hate interviewers who ask why you want to work there. its like, if i didnt want to work/study there, then I wouldnt have applied!

I'm not surprised if you're going to be a librarian. you're such a dork! hehehee

...

I"m a hot-linking hiney:

neil gaiman, the man i somewhat sort-of love (as in <3!!):

has a new picture

and his posing with the satanic/demonic salsa tomato that jobert showed me earlier.

oh my love for you, neil gaiman, is nothing but one of pure and undeniable ~~stalking-ness~~ ..c--curiosity?

...

can you believe that there are three people in my class, including me, with my name?!

not only is my name not popular, but i see t hree white girls with em. =_=;;

irk.

...

I'm supposed to say something but I forgot what it was. Now i remember: its about ADVENT CHILDREN!! *DAN DAN DAAAN!!*

for most reasons I think of "the fast and the furious" even if I've never watched the damn movie.

basically it has eye candies and action. perfect for boy and girl fans.

1. tifa's not as big breasted.
2. reno is hot.
3. cloud... i think, is based on gackt again. apparently square soft people like basing characters on gackt.
4. adorable little boy that I completely fell inlove with! reminds me of the guy in hikaru no go <3
5. sephiroth was getting all kinky with cloud. they get + points
6. aeries everywhere. its like: cloud isnt gay because he has a female dead lover!!! and a hot dead friend *wink*

I'm... not over the top-ly impressed with advent children. maybe if I played ff7 I would have loved it more. but what I do love are the eye candies and fight scenes.

--not much for story, I see. but I was so happy happy and surprised O_o when I saw tetsuya nomura in the credits as DIRECTOR~!!

I completely idolize him!! an artist turned director for a freakishly big budget movie for the characters that he designed!!! <3 hearts and adorations to you!!

I'm also happy that nobuo played some ff7 music. though... was a bit weired out by the remiz of sephiroths theme.

vincent... is awkward. I like him from the shoulders up but something about his costume disturbes me. shoulders too big? maybe so. and his voice... is deeper what I imagined. and the SHOES! holy crappity lord. =_=;;;

did you know that maaya sakamoto did aeries voice? I'm surprised. I would have gone all like: hello hitomi. where the hell is van, you player!! --but no. because thats cheesy.

...

I tried to make cabbage soup today because mom suggested i eat it. After I placed all the ingretients into the bowl, i realized that I can look for the recipies online since I dont have a clue about what I'm doing.

it turns out that 85% of the thing i placed in that soup... are not supposed to be there. it was just my imagination. the only part i got right was the cabbage and the broth. '_' I CAN COOK DAMN IT!!

...

I had my hand writting analyze the other day. apparently:

I have no sexual imagination
Not self-concious
and dont need attention.
I'm not enthusiastic
I'm not too talkative
I dont have a temper
I dont wat cultures (as in race?)

and that Im very focused
a fast thinker
and sarcastic,
diplomatic,
and that i live for the moment
---------------that is so wrong.

BWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!!

but it does say that I am:
emotionally withdrawn
blunt
have a low self-esteem
not self delusional (I hope thats true)
I have no sex drive >_>;;; good thing?
I'm not dominant ---------> submissive?! but according to an uke seme test, im both!
anti social,
socially selective (have a small group of friends, true)
needs to get out more
I dont need a challege---(wait... is that a good thing or a bad thing)
I'm not a liar <3
I'm... not emotionally responsive--??
have not self control --TRUE!

--------so far from what I know: only half hit true and the other half was, in my opinion, false. because I muy dont get it.

...

oh yes. funny: I just realized that prit and I reached second base. =_=; repressed catholic school girl? more like, trying to get back on lesbian jokes attack by doing lesbian actions.

2005-09-09T05:04:00.000-07:00

Aurora: splurge on... what? it better not be money because I havent found a job yet!

but i will splurge for you. er.. splurge on love? can it be love? because it doesnt hurt my financial side. I'm torn between wanting my emotions or financial-ness to hurt. @_@

Erika: I never thought I'd see the day when you'd butcher the english language. BWAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!! VIVA LA ME!

oh wait--- i have eaten a kwek-kwek. i liked it. even if its pretty normal. they had it in poveda, you ass!! well, they used to. >_> not like you'd remember it.

Navi: but I dont know where those museums are. >_< and I have no mode of transpo. they better be in ny. because its not like i can go anywhere else.

I dont know. I dont like puppets and cgi. well, as long as it doesnt look fake-- i wouldnt mind.

...

I have no doubt I'm going to bomb my nursing interview. *sweat*

"Hi. ~~I'm completely in it for the money~~-- i like helping people. its so fulfilling and ~~catholic~~ ~~christian-like~~ meaningful."

----------well, I kinda bombed the interview though the interviewer was nice about it. *sweat* eep! I wish I learn to shut up. but I'm so... asian. *sigh* she thinks that I'm struggling to speak in english. (when I didnt even stutter at all, she based it because i had high school in the philippines)

god bless her soul. she was a nice lady. I better get in or else her kids might get into an accident. BWAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!

...

I have never felt like such a money spender. I actually bought a shirt for $10. why is it that its easier to spend dollars than pesos?! (I regret it! its evil! I know!!!)

I guess its because I cant help but think 10php. or maybe its the cheapest shirt you can find.

but I'm trying to stop. I was in a clothing store looking for a suit to wear for interviews. and apparently i kinda strayed off a little.

shame on me. I should only be allowed to spend when i get a job.

but I was so close to getting a job though, in school. They had this gorgeous position in the library which meant: data entry and arranging the books.

--------meaning! I dont need to talk to people and smile and greet them!! <3 my dream job <3

...

I'm torn. well. because the Honda CR-V is mine right? and apparently tintin wants to get it, in exchange, she's gonna give me a car that she'll buy.

she suggested a car. Which is probably the "Toyota: Scion Xa" which i think is a so-so. I did some reasearch and I I became even more confused about which car I want:

for fun, I want the:

Jeep: Wrangler [$18,730] = because its the kind of car that brian (queer as folk) has <3
Volkswagen: New Beetle [$17,180] = because its fucking adorable!
Toyota: Pirus [$21,275] = its a hybrid and I'm a slight environmental freak.
Lastly, Scion: Xa [$13,300] = because its fucking cheap! and its designed for students.

[I'm a biatch that hotlinks =p]

basically, tintin wants the $24,000 CR-V in exchage for a $13,000 Xa. >_>; thats... almost half the price...

I dont know anything about cars. if I should ask anyone about anything about cars it would be my cousin-- whom i'm too lazy to contact.

but maybe if I had the choice: Id get a toyota Pirus. even if i love the other more. but I'm fuel efficient freak. its expensive now but it'll save in the long run. people here still have their cars after 10 years O_o;

...

Naruto:

sakura finally ended her stupid battle. ARG!! ITS OVER!! WAI~<3

...

now I'll just dive into my indie-ness. haha i lie. I'm not indie. *tear* I'm ...foodacious. >_> I dig the foods, baby. *chu*

check it: I know what pretentious means!! WAI~ WAI!!! <3

2005-09-03T09:07:00.000-07:00

aurora: i'm just kidding. don't you dare end up with a white guy!! *motherly tone*

but mom~! you wanted me to. *confused*

WHAT?! not using those emo-icons?!~~! but--!! I use them. not to mention the many numberof exclamation points and "WTF!!!@" but how else will you know if I was serious about something or not.

... but then again I'm rarely serious.

oh my god! that was from one of your jap boys?! I had a video of that and that was way way back when sakura was still in the band like 1995-ish O_O. I saw the video a few years ago and obviously I was disappointed and confused at them.

*disappointed and confused at larc*

yes. we are from two different worlds. but we are both classically conditioned by the jap boys. *tear*

Eris = yummy sansrival (creamy whiteness interspersed with yellow layers)
Candice = silvana (yellow outside and white on the inside)

HA-HA! I'm not the only one who always thinks aobut food!!!

Erika: I figured you'd like that shirt. you're so indie and ...small.

...and dear, kwek-kweks dont exist. this is your effort to look for something color coordinated for me, you whitey.

but mitsuda and nobuo sound nothing like a white person!!

greta: actually, yes. you are a chocnut. rown on the outside and inside, no?

greta O_o are you ok? are you sick? do you lack teska?! I havent seen you make some long statement in quite a while.

"HA TANGA MONG GAGO KA! BAHA LANG SIRA NA ULO MO! MABULOK KA NALANG SA AFGHANISTAN!"

BWAHAHAHAHAA! one day, you have to tell bush that. hehehe americans are so whiney. I mean, that type of stuff happens to us every 6 months or something.

i find it annoying that all these celebrities are having these commercials encouraging people to donate money when they have WAY more money than us and they should give alot more too.

...

I only have 4 classes. so far both classes are ok. my microbiology teacher is indian. and when he talks he reminds me of prit's mom. I mean the way that she talks. but his voice isnt as awesome as hers.

classmates--- ngeh~ no hotties. *tear*

...

Naruto

as the fights going on, I ask myself, "why am I still reading this?!"

it just seems to go on forever. and thats only sakura's fight. theres still naruto's, lee's, neji's, ten-ten's and gai's.

;_;!! NO!! I just wanted hotties and confessions of love between sasuke and naruto!!! ALL I WANTED WAS THIS!!!

oh yea. and maybe some of this too.

oh I dont know anymore.

...

I finally watched Dark Crystal. Its this Jim Henson production thingy. I got the art book from a used book store and I was so inlove with the art. <3

I finally got to watch it. and this is what I have to say:

It's really slow
I hate gelflings
I want the mystics to be in my choir
and them to be my grandpas.

the story is simple. it reminds me of lord of the rings and moses. >_> basically, crystal cracked.
there were evil skeskes and good mystics.
prophecy of a gelfling to heal the crystal.
all gelfling killed except for one.
gelfling joureys fourth to heal crystal.
finds another gelfling but female.
<3
girlfriend killed in battle.
heal crystal.
girlfriend healed.
happy happy
mystics gone *tear*

well, maybe it was an awesome story for its time. but I guess after that everyone started copying it and then had it replayed over and over. I felt so guilty fast forwarding most of the scenes.

...

here are my top thee songs:

1. trashcan sinatras - weightlifting
2. yo la tengo - center of gravity
3. decemberists - engine driver

because I feel like conforming.
and these will be my faves till i can get my hands on more stuff --UNTIL THEN!~ these will remain.

oh yes- before i forget: ERIKA!! you owe me something XP

2005-08-24T10:55:00.000-07:00

greta: Those bastards!!! I'm still pissed about the chocobo thing. I mean, why would you replace it?! its fucking adorable!

And yes, I love your Haloscan thingie because it gladly accomodates my pleonastic posts. Erika's tagboard (or whatever you call it) sucks.

ooo~ BURN, erika!

erika: sweetie, whats a "frinks"? I take it like a moment of inane-ness? ala "where do muslims come from? islam?"

;_; generally, when I write seriously, its comical. *tear* if it saves me any dignity, I was in a hurry when I wrote that and my common sense was lacking. (as always...)

you ass. my message for joey was embarassing. I said "porn" infront of her parents!!!

you're not doing the "^_^" "=p" "XD" anymore?!!! How could you!!! I'm completely into those. >_>;

and I'm so happy. you showed me that site ^_^ <3~!!!! its so rare that anyone would like that pairing. I would love to friend them, but alas. I lack a livejournal. *tear*

...

I'm being a lazy ass. I havent done much the whole day. I just watched tv. switching from show to show and feel my brain slowly dissolve.

and yet, I can hear someone in the background going "Candalf, what brain?"

and I'll just say, "Ching Chang Chong, biatch!"

...

I just have some things to say:

a forum mate of mine has gone stalking one of the members of the forum. and what a catch he got. my sexually confusaed friend has stalked himself a hottie. Oh no~ not only is he a hottie but he's a gay hottie.

*sigh* I wish I bagged me a hottie too.

but slightly over blown because I dont know who would take a pic of his boyfriend's hand in his pants. I dont know. I'll just consider it as fan service.

...

this is the picture of actor-of-kikuchi that I was so obsessed about. I thought him to be of teh hawt there. meaning: he's so hot he makes people misspell "the" and "hot".

but now I'm just like, "meh~" it's a so-so pic to me now. but hell, if I were a guy, I wish I were him. *tear*

...

I've been bored. yes. watching tv the whole day like a slob. *eep* like a white person. apparently I asked jobert if i am a coconut [read: broun on the outside, white on the inside] I'd use another thing to describe myself since this is what mexicans use and i am yellow. >_>

anyway, according to him. "yes."

and then, I got sad. and he told me its because I like indie music and i speak more english. *tear* damn! Then how do i become a filipino?

he said: maybe if you talk like greta and think like pj (friend of bro who took philosophy in tagalog)

and I started to accept my fate as a white on the inside person. sad, because I dont like buko that much.

at the least, I'm not white on the outside like erika.

(bwahahahahaha!!)

...

oh yes. it has been confirmed.

erika was sick when i left, no? so me and greta were wondering why. she started claiming that erikas pregnant with my kids.

but erika and greta were alone way before i came. then *cue in dan-dan-daaan* we rememebered that erika is asexual! *gasp*

erika is actually the father of her kids!

then my brother said: idiot, asexual means no-sex.

then i started thinking about piccolo and how it worked. and I cant remember if he had a sex or not. so I leave it to greta and the guys to continue.

...

oh my freaking gods. I've finally found the second version of the Anemone PV of Larc en ciel. O_O and I would like to make a few comments:

tetsu is cute with classes and a fisherman's cap where he looks like a normal guy. normal, skinny guy.

hyde is anorexic. I lie. he just looks FUCKING THIN! --and has dramatic eye make up. *tear* I'm envious.

I find it so awesome that they show the orchestra play in this clip. "Anemone angle 2" is supposed to be like clips of them recording it and scenes of them playing it in a concert.

the orchestra is beautiful. I'm a sucker for watching instrumentalists play. One day, damn it, I'll have my own orchestra.

but I can safely say, for the meantime, that I can watch this video forever.

and the composer guy for the violins part is some old white dude. awww... hyde looks like a short idiot shaking his hand. hahahaha. its funny coz he's short. ^.^

I really like the song anemone, maybe because it has gorgeous violin play in it. i just dont like that it was a love song for his wife >_>. he's not as cool as tetsu who made a song for all his fans called "Bravery." ("you're brave to tolerate our crap"?)

ooo there was this cute scene where tetsu was wearing the glasses (tee-hee. reading i suppose?) and the fishing cap, sitting in one corner, and this white decent looking guy with shoulder length hair was tapping his fingers on a music sheet and his other hand was holding his violin--- anyway:

white dude looks at the guys play and turns to look at tetsu adjacent(?) to him. white guy nods at tetsu, and tetsu was strumming his fingers too, notices that the guy's looking at him. turns to him and nods.

tee-hee <3 just add some speach bubbles:

white dude: "the music is gorgeous. you wanna make out?"
tetsu: "yea, sure."

^.^ I am a fan and I can dream!!

...

I love Collin Meloy and Ken Lloyd.

Ken Lloyd, I've ranted aobut him before: he was the former vocalist of the band Oblivion Dust and currently the vocalist for fake?

he is hot and he's absolutely adorable no matter how hard he tries to be punk/rock and etc. ^_^ he really is~ !! even with that angas hair cut and all those piercings, hes still cute when he pretends to be an elephant. awww. <3 steals my heart.

and not only is he jap, he's half brit! and somewhere in that half brit-ness he might be related to neil gaiman! --... I'm such a fangirl... =_=

Collin Meloy, vocalist of the Decemberists, stole my heart when I saw them perform because he is also fucking adorable. and I like his voice and strange accent. <3

I wish I can glomp him and have him say words that I can record in my answering machine.

and his frolicing ways... (spelling...) on the stage <3 hitting the bum of other band mates and fucking around with them. hehehe. its awesome.

I will attend their concert this year, (again on oct) and buy a fucking shirt no matter how much those blasted things cost! because I love them and they'll get the title of "most expensive article of clothing i own" =_=;

2005-08-16T06:37:00.000-07:00

Joey: oh sugah! I do miss having those frinks with you. Xo when i get back lets do it again. shopping, drinking and eating in dencio's galore XD especially after we get a job to spend all that money >_>

Navi: since theres a band with that name already, why dont you choose another name. and may god save the world and my ears when you decide to join one.

oh. and I dont listen to punk. or if I do, I didnt know they were punk. hell I have up with genres ever since indie came along. I cant tell the difference anymore. and I dont want to tell the difference anymore.

so goes our Thesis in 4th year where Erika completely edited my section to the point where "the" was the only thing I contributed.

Greta: I love you for your long posts. <3

yea. I remember and we made the whole introduction thing. and after we played, did you go and say "Did you have a good dream?" or something as sheezy~

oh my fucking god! $400 O_o;; those greedy bastards. I bet you its all made in china. T_T well... I have no motivation to get it anyway: I have no ps2. and I'm not planning to get one. I'll stick true to my psx love~ <3

WAIT?! by "new chocobo theme" do you mean they changed it or they have a different version of it? O_O that fucker! he dares meddle with the music world of ff that nobuo built with his own two hands for how fucking long!~ (yes, greta. how long? I'm sure Its really long. god bless his soul.)

oh greta. I have faith on you. and one day, I'll force you to move with my to america and rob americas money with stocks. BWAHAHAHAHA!! since I have not the brain-inity to comprehend the stock market.

...

ok.. that was a really long reply...

queer as folk wise: I watch the 5th season. SPOILER WARNING!!

so far...

the lesbians: had another kid that's michelle's. and they're splitting up.
mike and ben: are gonna live with the other gay couples in a new house. and they're getting married.
emmit...(cant spell name: is living with deb and that detective guy she's planning to marry
tom: is getting fat and realized that his creepy lover has a thing for fat people and he's stuffing tom up.
brian: has cancer. and bought babylon
justin: is in LA making "rage" (their gay ass comic) into a movie.

did I miss out anyone?

...

in filipino tradition: the maid of honor is the sister
in america: its the best friend

I've checked out some websites and this is what a maid of honor does
1. help the bride prepare the wedding (cake, dress and all)
2. do wedding shower and bachelorette... thingy...
3. give them a toast

and I say I'm to young to do any of these things. though my sister let me wear what I want, I still dont think I can... fulfill that much of a responsibility. since I dont know what my sister likes and all that.

and the best friend has a higher chance to pull this off successfully.

...

just wanted to comment that "I Love You But I've Chosen Darkness" sounds like "The Stills"

and that that is a very long band name. maybe we should have a very long band name '_' just because it will annoy people...

...

I saw a vid of kelly clarkson. I think thats how you spell her name... --anyway. I liked the costumes ^_^ and she's flat.

...and thats it .. =x everything else sucked. hehehe.

2005-08-12T07:39:00.000-07:00

navi: isnt there a band already named "the clash"? =x did you take the test at least?

greta: oh yes. I can be completely corny. *slaps herself* shame on me. hehehe. but for some reason I'm aliw with the word "tofu."

wait. you were serious with jyagan and the line? it's the kind of pick up line guys would use on girls. and I aint hitting on no girls ~~no more~~. >_> because, you know, I'm trying to establish my sexuality... somewhere...

...

I'm having a bit of a problem...
I want to go to:
FIT because it has jap classes
SVA because it has cartooning
Parsons because... its PARSONS damn it! Who DOESNT want to go to parsons?! its the top of the top top, top-top top schools @_@

...

hmm... I curse yasunori mitsuda and his releases that I cannot buy.

yesterday I listened to my copy of xenosaga 2. yes. I bought the damn thing and surprisingly it's made in taiwan and only cost me 16$ compared to my oh-so original chrono cross cd that cost me... 53$... those rat darn japanese bastards....

anyway. yuki kajiura composed for a number of animes: hack sign, noir, chrno crusade and etc...

I know that I cant criticize her work very well because I havent played the game. So maybe its more intune to xenosaga's current settings compared to the original xenogears.

but listening to xenosaga 2 you can very well tell that yasunori didnt do it. why? because the jerk doesnt really do alot of orchestra like nobuo. and kajiura uses alot of low-key house music + orchestra + celtic flute. and the celtic flute thing was supposed to be, you know, mitsudas thing and her way of connecting it to the previous works.

I never really listened to xenosaga 1. because most of the tracks sucked--- save for... 7 tracks. *tear* but maybe its because the game itself sucked in the first place. and according to g4, xenosaga 2 also sucks.

but aside from that, I completely desire genso suikoden celtic collection 1. but its 32$ O_o... I want to cry... NOOO!! I want your pirated version!!

...

I woke up at 3am and slept at 9pm and woke up at 1 am, then 5am and slept at 5pm and woke up at 5am.

confusing? my sleeping schedule is still fucked up. I went to ny with my sis and her bf. and I didnt know that she'd be kinda upset that I didnt want to be her maid of honor. but to convince me, she said that I can wear what I want, considering the occasion.

meaning: I can have sleeves BWAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA!!! take that aurora!

oh and I have utaban 050707 with news in it. since larc in there too. but news took most of the air time T_T...

2005-08-08T03:09:00.000-07:00

I"m finally home.

and thanks greta. my love for you is like the vast and endless ocean!

...

Joe: thanks ^_^ the layout is the gorgeous product of the webgoddess named: Erika. as for the gaara dying... I dont know anymore. Kishimoto was supposed to kill so many people but he never did. and even if I do like them, it kinda pisses me off because thats being too cheesy.

I mean here you are, put into a situation where if you do this certain thing, you're going to die (ie chouji and pill) and he doesnt. and I really like chouji. I dont know what I want... maybe he can just be a zombie so he's both dead and alive. @_@

Greta: yea.... ogku kept getting revived. it kinda pissed me off. just DIE already!!! no offense to your sweetie, greta. but having a dead-alive-dead-alive-dead husband just sounds so... stressful.

Erika: I think kishimoto has a thing against kids dying. its like kids are immortal and can survive anything. but if you're a very hot and sexy adolecent (ie. gaara) you can die and theres no way back.

...

yea. Ive been such a drama queen. but I have an excuse! this just means I'm getting my period very soon. it happens... alot... *tear*

the whole airplane flight, I was super gas-y. also when I was walking around the airport: doing immigrations, getting the luggage and waiting till boarding...... completly gas-y... >_>;;

and yes. always, always, ALWAYS! theres some insensitive guy infront of me that lowers the seat to much.

...

but I am forever a drama queen when it comes to naruto <3

Oh-eM-Gee baby, sasori's hot. but he looks like someone. I always thought he was an ugly old prick but seeing as he'd preserve his pretty little face, he deserves a treat. but doing that to his body instead of getting hair removal surgery or working out (or SOMETHING productive)I have to take those points back. *sigh*

but still, I'm kinda getting tired with the "Who has the most secret and powerful trumph card ever?!" game. everyones one-ing each other up and... its an infuriating cycle. Kishimoto didnt do that a lot before right? oh *tear* I dont remember him doing that. well, I still love the characters. ^_^

...

according to the meganame generator test...

Candalf's Aliases

Your movie star name: Pocky Benjamine

Your fashion designer name is Candice Milan

Your socialite name is Candalf Makati

Your fly girl / guy name is C Aqu

Your detective name is bearded Collie Poveda

Your barfly name is Ramen Weng Weng

Your soap opera name is Nicolo M. Salvador

Your rock star name is Chocolate Turtle

Your star wars name is Canree Aqujin

Your punk rock band name is The Full Tofu

The Amazing Meganame Generator

and I will comment upon it:

Ramen Weng Weng Is a very interesting barfly name. Whatever a "barfly" is...

Nicolo M. Salvador eL-Oh-eL I'll be a male soap opera person. of course it gores with my romantic side. *wink*
Chocolate Turtle that's a completely rocker name. I'm completely taking it! *yoink*
The Full Tofu... I... kinda wish that's our band name now... I'm sorry jyagan, but I think its awesome!

...

I feel completely ripped off when I listened to my "Barbie's Singles... COMPILED!" sans the "..." and the "COMPILED!" but essencially that was it. and most of the songs, like 2/3rds of it were in my other barbies cd already.

I'm completely pissed. BEfore I used to love barbies voice. I thought it was ~~very~~ increadibly gorgeous. Her voice, if I can look for an analogy for it, would be like liquid silver. because its light and pleasant and her voice is rarely airy. ^_^

...

Ok. I slept at 10:30 am and woke up at 8:45 pm. I ate ramen for dinner and left over pizza for lunch. I'm currently dizzy @_@ because of the unhealthyness. I have to eat something healthy pretty soon. guh...

2005-05-30T01:21:00.000-07:00

I was just reading naruto chapter something... I forgot the number.

but most impotantly I will rant our spoilers. so you may avert your eyes.

I cant believe how.... SAD I felt after i discovered that gaara was just killed. I liked gaara. I mean sure not since the first time Isaw him. I remember that I thought of him as some red headed farfie maniac but after he turned uber bishounen and after reading his gay admiration of naruto, I began to like him more and more.

and just to have him killed like that... ;_;

and and and!!!! I... I..... I thought that he would be a cool person. and I thought that he's life the fanfic life. you know, him and naruto, both hokage playing hookie (Was that the word?) from their hokage lives. and then sasuke would be narutos adviser and find the both of them... well, together.

and shoot uchiha-signature glares at gaara. and gaara would just pull naruto closer and naruto would be his oblivious self. ;_;... [<-- reads too many fanfics. but you have to admit it's a cute picture.]

dearest gaara, If there was anything that I would tell you before you die was that... I'm so fucking proud of you.

... *hug* and and and... I thought that you and naruto would look cute together. <3

and and and... you're completely hot.

indeed!

2005-05-25T23:41:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry to say that I havent updated my blog lately. and i thank the small number of people who commented. <3

especially aurora. mostly because she's hot. BWAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!

(I should really stop with the lesbian jokes)

but ahem. it's because I dont really have internet right now. and I will have to decrease the number of posts.

see ya.

2005-05-16T18:34:00.000-07:00

navi: did I mention that south street was full of bars? didnt that automatically mean that there were other dudes with open beers hanging around drunk in the street?

*sigh* sweetie, there ARE such things as corrupt american policemen. *pat pat* I'm sorry to ruin your dream.

greta: aww. if you dont want me to go then i wont. but I dont know how to say no. according to tita they're very persuasive.

and I think you get a different kind of points for having the longest comment ever.

but at some point I thought you'd love me for joining because I'll be like heero <3 and I'll get injured alot. =x

aurora: I await your call, dearest balldate! <3 sad that you're not going to the east coast. I would have taken you to ny and we would have had to stalk random jap boys.

erika: i very well remember that black/brown dude. for I always thought of him to be your first (real human) lovah.

damn. if kdiaz was in a community college she would have had a perfect 4.0. and alot of people take classes in community colleges because they cant afford universities. =x so theres not much difference between taking it or not.

wow. you and run-on sentences. I'd never thought i'd see the day. and as usual, I never thought i'd notice. (which i didnt by the way)

...

I just want to say that I'm inlove with the vocalist of the decemberist. not a hottie but i love him from the concert and his voice, accent and guitar skills.

oh Collin Meloy. I so love you <3

...however, if you can look better, please do. *chu*

...

friday was the ben folds concert.

and i am sooo loving him. <3 jobert and the concert has converted me. ben folds... is a beautiful man. >-inside joke-< he is a god.

and I loved it when he was fucking with the audience. I loved it when he said "can someone turn the fan off, it's blowing my hair-- definately too dramatic for me." which is funny because he's kinda bald. <3

and his gorgeous fingers. if i can, I'd make a deal with the devil to have his hands.

devil: you called?
candalf: havent you learned your lesson from that episode in futurama?

he's so... awesome. and I loved it when he played brick and everyone in the room was singing it. <3

which lead me to my dream:

I had a dream where we were finally infront of ben folds. me and jobert that is and I wanted to get his autograph. but I didnt have any of his cds. I gave him a flyer with his concert ad on it. and he said that he didnt want to sign that and asked for something else.

after a few more suggestions, I finally came up with something sign-able. which was my ben folds ticket. later on when i flipped it on the other side, it was actually my built to spill tickets. O_o;;

the picky bastard. =/

...

saturday was the built to spill concert.

had game with greg and jeff and jeff girlfriend who was just there for cuddling and not game. I think he was just ... I dont know. I'd say showing off but there was nothing to be proud of.

because she was just... there. sitting. doing nothing. cuddling in the middle of the game with jeff. I'm normally ok with the public display of affection but if it's going to ruin the image of making out between hetero couples-- then good god! NO!

you have scarred me into never having a significant other.

ew. *shiver*

but I was happy. very happy that jobert killed his (jeff's) character. I am also happy that I'll never see him again. huzzah!

thank god. no more days with him talking about his characters. thank you! thank you! thank you!!! no more days where he'll look over my shoulder (and look at what i'm going with the compy) for a long time and hold my temper. I did tell him off at one point but ~~i think~~ he's an idiot.

anyway. on with the built to spill concert. I'm happy someone went with me. because I would have been awefully lonely.

the opening band was some sad punk band. *boring* the SECOND opening band was this rock band (fuled by some grandpa's) who'd play long, slow and depressing songs. =_=;;;

and finally was built to spill. I'm sad that he didnt do much audience participation thing going on. or interacted with the audience. ;_;

but I do love his voice. Though I find it cute that the vocalist looked like a bum and you can see his very skinny legs and frame and he had this whole bald + beard thing going on: I love his voice <3

and like i told to my companion who went with me to the gig: if he played carry the zero, I'll love him for the rest of my life.

and he did. someone yelled it when he was asking for requests. I jumped like a little kid. and shouted an I love you. which was totally ignored.

----but if it was collin meloy, he would have said "i love you too" <3

their last song was... some ... 20...30 minute song...

the bastard. our feet already hurt.... ugh... but I loved his voice... but he rarely uses it ;_; and thinks his guitar skills are more superior. DAMN YOUZE!!

after it was all over my friendly acquaintance and i sat on one of the benches. discarded food and mineral water all over.

I was so tired and thirsty. I turned to my friend and said:

candalf: dude, I'm so thirsty I could drink this. *holds up some discarded bottle of mineral water to her and drinks from it*
person: O_O dude, you can get some sort of STD from that.
candalf: *pause* I'm too thirsy to care.

end of the show we turned to south street which is littered with black people. she treated me out to a pizza and didnt finish her slice (jackpot!).

as i was eating the pizza some black dude and his possy passed by and said to me "yea girl, you EAT that pizza."

which caused me to pause for a long while. thinking if I'm too traumatized to eat pizza. PIZZA! for the love of god!

for now, I have concluded that I'm scared of eating infront of black people.

...

I did sleep the whole night. I drank some coffee (which didnt work) and talked to jobert about stuff (which worked)

i went to new york. sadly i didnt get to go to kinokuniya. however I did go to some gorgeous photo galley and sister and her bf were trying to convince me into living in north jersey.

=_= however, everything was forgiven after we went to this classy restaurant and I had a 12 dollar french toast which was absolutely DIVINE!

...

so far, everything is fine and dandy. *chu*

2005-05-11T10:04:00.000-07:00

greta: we rob our kind sweetie ;_; in the house in north jersey, we had some pinoys work on it and they cheated us~!!! >_< there is no loyalty to their own kind ;_;

ok so let me get this straight: you're going to court me THIS week and next week, erika? man... somehow this reminds me of those day panties. where the panties have like "wednesday" and etc written on it.

aurora: hmm you're right. I dont know the point of the pointing system but I do find it fun. ^_^ it's like, if I do something loser-ish. I get loser points. and if I get alot of loser points, I can be as loser as napoleon dynamite. =D

it's its own way of steriotyping hahaha.

dude, the irishmen are hot because of their accents. it's like it gives them bonuses to "hot" rolls (dice). =D (<--- loser. +100 loser points.)

yea. just having a teacher like that makes everything better. ^_^ I heart my (married with children) eng comp I teacher~! sorry, greta, your dad's not hot enough anymore. BWAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!

"Jlo in the bible... blasphemous." VERY. but, her butt would have more mention than her though.

navi: oh navi, "Exactly how do you get arrested for no apparent reason?"

They can and they did. They got arrested for going out of a bar with a beer in their hand. =/ in freaking SOUTH STREET[which is a street full of bars)! funny how they have to go to court too. =p the police totally ignored the "what did i do wrong, officer?" question. =_=;;

Jobert didnt want to go in the station. I wanted to go in the police station. not to ask for directions, but to ask if I can use their bathroom. =_= I was desperate.

oh yea, and the guy that was arrested was a minority. he's a good guy, I mean he was even wearing his applebee's work shirt (just got off of work) and the police was smoking as cigarette, they're not allowed to do that because that's being out of uniform. the dude's friend (who picked them up) from new york and talked to us about it. =x

erika: Rivers Cuomo-dom? is that the place with the tiangge?

*GASP* does this mean you can tell the difference between scotish and irish accents?! AMAZING!! Mark Anthony was random, I was thinking of someone who's dead and that's a guy: mark anthony. ^_^

Well, yesterday it was a gorgeous day. but to day it's burning hot. XO WHY?! well, YOU need burning hot to ever change the color of your pasty skin. ^_^

haha did I tell you about my half black half white friend that I might never see again? ah yes. it's like, one friend per class and you never see them again afterwards. (*looks down* ... i miss highschool)

It's interesting, so far, everyone I've talked to, Ive prepared them with the "I usually dont make sense, so please feel free to try." speech. ^_^ which they found funny at first till they realize that I was serious.

char: 12 comments all in all. I wish that this happened every time so i feel like i'm some what popular with my homies *whacks erika for gangsta usage of words*

char, dont say that our parents are talking about us. it just sounds soo... "fiance"-ish. and you know, I'm attracted to the he-gay-kind. and you're my sister!

I do go on ym. but theres no one online. sigh. I never have time these days.

...

~~As of NOW greta wont be hitting on anyone for a while. because she's busy playing pretend fisherman by catching the random fishies in the sardine cans and courting her beloved teska~~

...

My teacher.. this other teacher... ARGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!! he just pissed me off.

it was my finals and I had to defend my work. he made me want to cry. I had the quivering lip-symptom going on: the sign of ready to cry-ness.

but I didnt. it just reminded me of when I cried infront of the whole class in the science finals in first year. I was a pussy. I admit it. I dont like debates and defenses. and I dont like it when I have so much... semi-passive emotion going on and i just feel so chaotic and when i talk i just make my grave deeper and deeper and deeper.

in the end, immense desire to kill him will grow and grow and maybe I'll forget all about it one day.

...

I was hoping an all A thing. as i've told aurora, I'm not giving those americans the satisfaction of giving me a B or lower. So far, that jackass that i mentioned above gave me a B. I hate him.

So far the other classes that I thought I'd have a hard time with (Bio and english comp) I got an A in. And who the hell gets an A in bio!? even in an american COMMUNITY COLLEGE!

well, mom was happy. but she was weirded out to hear that I got a B in a concept-like class (since it wsa kinda like artistic). And for me it was a sign from god: "forget art, you'll do fine in nursing. AND you get to take pics of cute injured guys. *wink*"

You tripping me, dawg! *slaps herself for gangsta usage*

well, I do love both of my english comp and bio teachers. [Note to self: send eng comp teacher a "you're awesome" note.]

...

dear cyber-diary,

recruiters tried to recruit me. I actually considered joining the national army guard of america; why? because they would pay my tuition and pay me.

but I have to go to boot camp and go to iraq. but most importantly, serve the country to conquered mine for 50 years. '_'

I'm lured in by the money. the government are sure ~tricky~. DAMN THEM!! However being in boot camp sounded cool. I wonder if I can go to boot camp and quit afterwards. I mean. right after the break my moral and turn me into a killing machine with occasional PMS.

that's actually scary. hahaha. ...ha...

should I join? should I not join? for some reason, I feel like asking mom if I should consider it. I'm so used to her making decisions for me. I kinda made it baltant to her in a restaurant. (yea... too lazy for a flash back)

pros: I have army experience = which i'd get macho points in! I'd be totaly awesome. and I'd have money at the same time. I'd get the uniform and boots too and I get to tell my kids about mommy's experience at the army and how she put a gun to daddy's head. hahahaha.. thawas just a joke. but it can happen.

OOooo!! I can get a gun too! but I dont like guns... I'm a meele person.

cons: selling my self to defend americans. which is against everything I go for! and do hard work, which is totally against everything I'm for. and not have my own toilet. which is against my personal RIGHT!

YOU DONT UNDERSTAND!! (to the american government) I just an immigrant coming here to have a good, decent college education, damn it! I wanted to be an artist! hmm... when they asked what my major was, maybe I should have said "Art" so i sound totally hopeless to house train. but then again, they would care.

I cant believe i'm considering on joining the army. I blame ben folds! "So I thought i'd join the army. dad said 'son, your fucking high.'"

their gonna call me one of these days. I'm still thinking about it. I dont know how to say no since I'm such a door mat and I fear that I'd get arrested. ;_;

2005-05-06T15:21:00.000-07:00

char: haha that's what you get for depending on emoicons thingies XP I am low tech and I'm proud of it!

ows? and pray tell what pic is that?

ok... that pey-pey thing *whack* that was horribly corny and you know it!

aurora: OH MY GOD! and irish accent? that dude from the decemberists had an irish/scottish accent <3 he's awesome. however not cute enough to have a crush on =/ wait, what irish guys are we talking about? who? --wha?

is that your l5r character or is that some kind of white guy conspiracy you have going on about me?

"...if frog legs taste just like chicken, why don't people just eat chicken instead?" those are wise words my friend, very wise. *nods*

greta: there there greta, thers enough love going on to start another flower power thing =/

oh heart! you read yaoi?! I'm so proud of you. hehehe for that you get 500 pogi points. ^_~

BWAHAHAHA!! karimlan is awesome isnt it? <3 I mgiht have to use you to get more words like that XD

erika: when did I ever make sense? *pat pat*

yey! you remembered her! you get 500 dork points ^_^ they're awesome! if you have enough you can turn into a weezer like status.

did greg come from the bible?! I dont remember any dude named greg in the bible!! and if you were going out with a dude from the bible, it would be... Mark anthoney!

YES! a fellow non-anne rice-er. I dont know anything aobut the execusion but.... yaoi~ < /3 ;_; <--- simple minded

whatever, you were drinking either way, maybe it's to console your feelings because aurora didnt love you back.

"eris you broke her heart!! go console greta!! XD" HAHA! your sister-aunt-cousin-crushee just told you off! (>_> not really but I've always wanted to say that)

...

you could not BELIEVE what happened to me on thursday. ..well actually... you can. >_>

first of all: hurrah! I attended the decemberists and they were awesome!! O_O I'm serious. they're act was better than larc. well.. if only larc didnt have the funny engurish, decemberists were sure to win. >_>;;

dudes! they mastered the art of multi-tasking!! I so adore! theres a keyboardist/accordion/trumpet and xylophone/mandolin/guitar/synthesizer and a bass guitar/double bass-er <3 jyagan would be something like them. *nodds head*

but still *_* they were so awesome! I fell in love with them even more. *Sigh* that and jobert now likes that voilinist chick. =/ I like everyone!

and they had this tamborine thing. at one point everybody on the stage was shaking a tamborine and then one of them threw the tamborine to the audience then the audience shook it and passed it around for a few times. then some greedy ass kept it =c

after the concert at 12:30 mn. me and jobert walked home. I was (i admit) very bitchy to him. whining about being cold and my feet hurting. apparently all my happy points went away during the concert and my bitchy points were left to be expressed.

as we reached the PATCO (train) in 9th & 10th we discovered that the gates were closed. O_O I felt bad but the feeling was slowly sinking in me, maybe it's because it was too cold and my feet really REALLY hurt.

according to the thing it sez that it'll open at 5 am. great... we thought. we sat around near it and was happy enough to notice that we werent the only idiots who didnt know about this. ^_^

jobert came up with a plan to stay in a diner for a while. did I mention that I really needed to go to the bathroom? So we walked... how many blocks? back to south street. we went around but it was just bars that were open ;_; and I'm underage (19)!! XO

we finally went to this place that had a bar upstairs and a pizza parlor downstairs. and can i just say, the pizza was also... awesome. ^_^ When I came out from using their restroom... my shoes... they were sticky. (EEEEEEEEWWWWWWW) by 2am we were kicked out by the owner since theywere closing up. =_=;

we wandered for a while and rested on a bench in front of a mini police station. a few civilians came by and they happen to be a victim of police people who abuse their power. =_= they thought that we had a friend that was also caught but nah... we were just there... STUCK in philly till 5 fucking am.

south streets full of people. there are some blacks and seeing them walk around doesnt feel safe. knowing that the police can arrest you for no apparent reason didnt help at all =_=; we decided to walk back to the locked gate of 9th & 10th. and wait down by the stairs where it's slightly warmer; we sang some songs to comfort us and I prayed that the police wont arrest me for being noisy and asian. >_<

then it dawned on us. because the words were covered in spray paint "this is closed from 12mn to 5am. for other times, check 8th & Market" and we were: O_O + motherfucker! + HALLELUIA! +son of a biatch... + MADRE DE DIOS!

we have totally concluded that we are idiots. mostly jobert though... since he's fat. we frezzingly walked towards the magical place and sat waiting for the train, still freezing for an hour. finally the train went by and jboert drove us home.

aftermath:

I followed jobert by also sneaking an hour's worth of sleep before I start on my essay. (it's due and I'm reading today) I woke up with jobert saying "candy? are you ready to go na?"

I rose from my bed with a whiny "NO~!" I woke up it was 8:30am. >_< my class is at 9. kuya was nice enough to wait for me to type my essay and check it out before i left.

when I reached my engish class it was totally empty. ;_; I'm lucky I caught the teacher in his second class. He was surpised that I was absent on the day I'm supposed to read. since I'm always... present in class. I told him of my tale of ass freezing self-pity sob fest. and then he said he'll give me half a grade for the recitation. since that happened to my last night and I gave the effort to catch up with him for the thing. <3

i totally love him!! he's the best teacher ever!!! ;_; yes dudes, he's the same teacher who apologized for his american accent ^_^ isnt he awesome?! <3!

~~~

However... I have been fucking cheated ;_; what I thought was a vcd was actually just a cd. DAMN YOU!!! you took 15 bucks from me ;_;

2005-04-30T16:41:00.000-07:00

char: well then you'll be learning with everyone else ^_^ I'm cool with that. my memory isnt as sharp but yea. I'll help you guys along =D nothing to worry about

picnic shall ensue in corinthian garden's ..umm.. garden ^_^; you know the park they have? yep! right there!

what? somethin from your mom =x okki~ nothing from you? haha joke ^_^

aurora: "VIVA IL GUILLOTINE!!!" several language barriers? I thought it was just the frech. haha they cant kill us anyway. because you know, they have frogs legs ^_^ (dont slap me for being corny!)

WAIT! where did the british accent come from?! is it ken lloyd?! because he has crappy english and the world and I agree with: "no way"

hahaha. he's faithful to his girlfriend but he does find erika a temptation ^_~ interesting how everyone goes for erika T_T you 'hoe!

greta: well... I'm sure erika still loves you. but you know, not as much anymore since she has "greg" and genesis at her beck and call (is it beck?)

oh greta! *Heart* your cooking will be appreciated. show us what new skills you have in your college influenced house wife-class.

I heart disco! WE WILL HAVE DISCO! with the glass ball thing and and and humiliate ourselves and kick everyones asses on the dance floor.

erika: yes. your fairy god father came for your b-day ^_^ all we have to do is stalk him, corner him and bag him~! and add a little bow too <3

oh my god. erika you just gave me an idea O_O how about we have a site where we pimp the lohs together (and seperately) BWAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA!!! they sure are money makers ^_^ the new straight lohsen twins ^_^ or... siblings >_>

erika, how can anyone not pimp you? you're so pimpable~! unless you can magically produce pot then I will allow. ^_^ I wonder if gretas magical gelatin will have the same effect O_o;

curses: sweetie, I'm curious how you know of me for I have not mentioned that I have attended resalest. actually it took me a while to know what resalest was >_>; but I shall thank google ^_^ and my slow uploading memory.

did I meet you during summer classes? I hope you do mind me hating your former school ^_^;; but the gay math teacher was awesome.

...

queen of the damned the movie is CRAP! *dodges randomly thrown object with ancient ching chang chong kung fu grace*

it's not pretty to the eyes and ears. my brother is watching it again. >_> you know, I have to admit something. the only reason why i like anne rice is because she puts yaoi in her stories. =x it's a bait for me.

put yaoi in a novel and I'll buy it. put yaoi AND bishounens in a novel and I'll worship you. I'm as simple as that. ^_^ however, I heart fight club dude even without yaoi because I love fight club. it is still the most awesome story EVER!

...

I've been slightly disoriented lately. as you can see from my comment on erika's blog. I said that she's supposed to be 19 not 18, "you age liar" or something to that effect.

because for some reason, i feels like I've been 19 for a while. and somehow, I totally forgot that I JUST TURNED 19 this year. I thought that happened last year. @_@

my body/mind ~~clock~~ calendar is off.

speaking of erika, I think it's the first time I've encountered her tipsy. >_>; at first, I thought there was something oddly wrong with her. maybe she was drunk but she said she wasnt.

then I ended up with the conclusion that she wasnt erika but erika's giddy (and maybe ditsy) twin sister. its no that erika is not... umm.. happy but it's that. umm... (help me out here...) yea. ^_^

...

interest in yaoi is growing back. but I'm really confused now =x have some many things that I want to do but I dont know where to start.

well, my compy is pissing me off. it's starting to hang. I mean jobert's compy is virus infested and it doesnt even hang. that reminds me. I need to buy some sort of virus protection.

oh best buy. why dont you give coupons ;_; you bastard!~

...

ladies and gentlemen: I have played a neutral evil in the realm of DnD. =9 kills and money are MINE!!! my only reasoning is that, that guy will die soon anyway because he didnt pay me my money! >_<

I dont think... anyone knows pay-pay. she was a character for this filipino setted story. anyway, I basically took her and changed her name into karimlan and made her a psionic.

<3 At first She was neutral, trying to stick to what I thought pay-pay was supposed to act like. I mean, cool, calm and smart, which was pretty hard since I almost always got out of character because some people just piss me off. that and I lack intellect to play "cool, calm and smart" ;_;

ANYWAY~! somewhere along the road, she turned neutral evil =/

and we have a paladin in the group. so if heever casts detect evil, I'm (kinda) dead. but I'm sure my characters waaaaaaaaaay more kick ass than his so I dont think I should worry. but just in case. ^_^

candalf: I mind thrust him from the behind!
gm: ...that doesnt make sense!
candalf: it DOES! because you're fat!
gm: oh! that is so true *tear*

it TOTALLY happened!

2005-04-23T18:29:00.000-07:00

char: yes yes. that's true. I actually dont need one, but I would like to keep most of my viewings to myself since I dont like it when people look over my shoulder and ask what I'm doing =_=;

char... you're using the same character. what are you talking about?

*huggles* you know we're using the old one. mostly because I already have the book and I'm to lazy to adjust to the new one. I guess I'll have to post about l5r again. but I'll do that next week because I've been busy ^_^

but you already have your vampire character and l5r =D so no worries

aurora: interesting, mini-guillotines are the new self-defence weapons for women and beautiful sexually confused boys. =D men have to be tamed. it's not them, it's us. I mean, they want to interact but we just cant help but entertain the idea of cutting their dicks of.

and THAT, my friends, did NOT make sense.

I'm sorry to say that I dont know the difference between an ny accent and a valley girl accent but I know that theres a difference between those up american and those in the south.

stop with the me + white guy! it's never gonna happen! it will in your dreams but not in reality. you must realize that I do have very high standards and apparently those very high standards seem to be fulfiled by themz japanese. =/ (oh miyavi. I crave for you...)

greta: aww. poor greta. *pat pat* you're all sick. well. I'm just wondering one thing. if you're sick/injured, does that mean that you turn yourself on?

well you did influence me so. ^_^ harharhar! I have to admit. you boosted my filipino esteem when we first met =D

erika: I do know that if I have mixed breed children, they'd be gorgeous. but no way~! I want them to be pure filipino. so I'm sorry miyavi, tetsu and etc... you're just too, well, short for me ^_^;;;

{hurrah!} I second the replenishing of my opm collection. and yes, gigs? =x {/hurrah!}

I think I'll have to force you to read detective conan. at least the chapters i will tell you after I know what they are. because I have detective conan vs (how i wish it was "x") kaito kid. and they're both hot and have sexy voices. ^_~ sadly it's hongkong subbing so the names are changed to chinese.

...

HOLY BALONEY BATMAN!!!!

and erika! neil gaiman will go to the philippines in july!!!! Oh god! I mean, here I am in america closer to him and he and i will be in the philippines at the same time.

I feel something like serendipity but not! GASP!!! I will... like... camp infront of every national books store just to get him to sign something... ANYTHING! my shirt? haha luckly I have a book <3 or... bookS...

edit to navi:
Anna L: Hi, Neil. Are you really going to be in the Philippines? This isn't a joke, is it? Will you be having a signing session here? If yes, which bookstore?

gaiman: unless something huge happens to upset everything, I'll be in Singapore, the Philippines and Australia in July. I'll know my movements, what's happening on Death, and suchlike for sure in a couple of weeks, and should be able to announce the entire tour schedule then. So have patience. But it's definitely not a joke. (Wouldn't be a very funny one if it was, would it?)

...

ah. I have begun to realize that I, candalf the green, am a disco lover. I heart dancing and boogie-ing. and I heart That 70's show.

I so heart the idea of pimping and I so heart having 'hoes.

I'm getting lost arent I? haha! but I do demand it. a nice portrait pic with me in a pimp-like outfit sitting in a fancy chair and aurora, char and kath are around me looking hot.

and I"ll have some cheezy text at the bottom like: "pimp ya later" or something more witty. (since I lack it)

...

I listened to william shatner and ben fold's "what is love" that Luna/death cab cutie mentioned.

as all of you may know, my brother is an avid ben folds fan and I can play a fifth of two of his songs in the piano ^_^

anyway, it's a beautiful songs sans william shatner who was reading poem in the background. I think they were aiming for comedy in the song because william shatner was quite... expressive with his reading.

but I still want him out of the songs because ben folds played a really great back-up voice and the violins were gorgeously murderous. in short, shatners voice didnt let me fully appreciate the beauty of the whole song (sans him).

but then again, I am a sucker for violins. XO

...

Oh itachi. you're so hot~ but I think you're gonna get your ass kicked. =x I'd rather prefer you to be whipped. or rather you whipping naruto but hey! we cant always have our wishes. =_= <--- closed s&m yaoi

...

somethign went wrong in my english finals. I made a descriptive essay instead of an arguing essay. =_=; I am so dead!

I dont want to repeat eng comp I! damn it!!! but I do like my teacher. but I've already scheduled for eng comp II! oh hell, I wanted to take a computer graphics class but I'm trying to avoid someone. >_>; =_=

...

Erika, my bro's friend wants you for a girlfriend. BWAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!!

^_~ he saw your layout and he was astounded by your html and photoshop prowess and it surpassed his. but alas, this guy already has a girlfriend *kick a can on the ground*

he doesnt know you, you dont know him. and he's 3/4s white and 1/4 japanese. hahaha. I was going to offer him a pic of you but he said "Nah, I dont want to be tempted"

oh erika forgive me for pimping you. =x

...

for a certain special day, me and aurora have planned a picnic. ^_^ it will be a big picnic and it will involve pot luck, plastic cups, blankets, taboo and the ever so beautiful moi. ^_~

so prepare yourselves for the ultimate picnic-ium!!

and I totally procrastinated since I have a bio test the day after tom. XO

...

sensei's gonna come over next fall *hurrah!* meaning:
1. there will be food
2. I will be motivated in drawing
3. he will teach me more techniques

sensei is AWESOME! XD

2005-04-17T10:01:00.000-07:00

char: haha dearie, you already have a laptop at an early part of your life.

So I should get the best multimedia laptop that the market has to offer. ^_~ I'm not getting it yet though but theres some advantage in buying it later on.

by advantage I mean when they add more features to it or bring out more compitent models.

aurora: so I take it that you're interested in being that head chopper-off-er ^_~ you seem to be interested in the idea of the mini guillotine

haha! dude, I will never marry or have a relationship with a white guy--- EVER!! I just put it there because i loved what jobert said.

CANDICE'S LETTER TO BLU

dearest blu,
i suspect we will spend many joyful hours together
you will keep my precious
and hold it in your 200 gb heart
we will laugh
and scream for joy
and make obscene orgasmic sounds
i will hit you if you disobey me
and curse you if you do not work
but no matter what happens
know that you must be grateful
because i just spent 200 dollars on you
when i could have used the money to buy myself a digicam

your mother,
candalf

awesome XD *high five*

erika: oh but dude, having an external harddrive isnt high tech. it's just expensive. ^_^ my mom doesnt know i bought it yet. (YES! all that saved money)

but it's really useful in the end ^_^ aurora was saying it might be cheaper there. =D and so, is greta a hypocrite for being against capitalism and being in management at the same time? haha maybe she's just gonna attack the power from the inside ^_~

wait... so you want me to end up with some white guy?! WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!!!! you know I hate the image of the typical american dude and filipina wife. what are you thinking!? I dont want to have WHITE children!!! that's just INSANE!!!

not to mention gross.

...

DAMN YOU masashi kishimoto!! you caught me off guard!!

not only did you draw a nice view of neji's bishounenness, make two cute bishounen panles of naruto, but you have also made itachi appear on the screen.

*fans herself* WELL!!! I'll be expecting some hot yaoi action in the next chapter. BWAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

but seriously, that akatsuki's planns have been revealed in chapter 256 of naruto. (erika must read), and you know... gaara's suffering.

but seriously, I cant believe that masashi kishimoto made them all hot when they grew up. and tenten had a nice, siimple yet cool pose. <3 ---- which means absolutely nothing at all!!! but it just... looked cool.

...

I cant wait to play l5r. oh yes. this reminds me to continue my leacures on making your characters ^_^ since you guys now have more time and stuff, there'll be no excuses.

at the very least, please have a character concept. YOU READ ME!!!!

Oh yes, I must also contact cyril for the vampire masquerade. =x

...

Apparently, I'm starting to enjoy my english comp classes. because my teacher is cool and he starts talking about the topics in the essay (marriage, culture and etc..)

and one of the essays we were talking about was, well, about culture. you know latin giving it up and when they move to america they sacrifice their cultural quirks and conform to the normal american society thing.

at this part, my teacher asked my opinion about this. you know since I'm an immigrant.

all I told him was, "Well, I do know my frineds are going to slap me around if i start talking with an american accent." (not much slapping around but more of endlessly torture me)

and so he does, "so they want you to keep your culture."

and I go: "It's more like they find it annoying."

then my teacher, being the fat friendly guy that he is goes: "haha. I'm sorry then."

and then a few people in the class starts saying "I'm sorry."

BWAHAHAHA!!! that's it you white people!! BOW DOWN TO MOI!!

...

My movement to promote opm is on the go. I know that luna is a big opm fan and hopefully (if she does read this) it wont offend her that i rip my cds ^_^;;

but you dont understand!! I'm promoting opm to a bunch of japanese listening freaks.

and could I say, among the thousands of people d/l from me. one was over joyous about my rips. <3 I heart him/her.

can you imagine it? an indonesian hanging with his friends with a guitar singing "harana" and they dont even know what it means?

it's so beautiful!! ;_; I HEART YOU, DUDE@!!!

...

I've been sleeping late. and to the world: I might be going to japan during my vacation. O_o; YES! I might abandon you all for that 9 year awaited trip!!!

well, I dont know. I told my dad, "no nalang" since aurora and I have very fangirl plans. ^_^ which will require stalking and such. and we have to prep ourselves too. I mean, build stamina and buy some night vision goggles and practice camera shooting skills.

and dont forget to buy alot of instant noodles since we wont be able to afford shit. and drag erika since she's our only language translator. BWAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!

haha. but point is, my dad asked his jap friend if he could help me look for a place to stay and stuff. and well, the jap guy himself said that he's looking for a new house since he cant stay in the comapny apartment anymore. and went on "we'll see."

BUt I dont know if I want to go. I was thinking maybe I should wait till I can apply for a dual citizenship. =x at the very least. and study for the stupid american test afterwards.

oh well, whatever happens, happens I'm willing to wait for youze guys though ^_^

2005-04-10T16:48:00.000-07:00

chui: dude ;_; men have no sense of shame or gentleman-ness. but in the bus stop >_< it's freaking out doors!!! XO

by the way, why is your blog off? O_o acutally for a while in jan you didnt update =_=;

fatima: I love my new layout too. ^_^ everyone should remember to praise erika! because she's the goddess of html and photoshop.

dude. I wanna have a gig fest T_T and I will have it. BWAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!

kath:what do you mean you can comment now? you could always comment before. =_=;; oh kath dear kath. *pat pat*

char: I lost the fanfic ;_; this is what i get for reading it in the lib and not reading it at home. XO

that guy was a hit? but he's so...

werido americans. =_=

oh yes. my dad mentioned about meeting your parents. haha funny coincidence. everyone was classmates at one point or another. >_>

aurora: aww. but sweetie, denial is the first step to acceptance ^_^

apparently, this action happens all over the world, thanks to chui's contribution of the disturbing. I dont know if they're scratching their balls or jacking off as long as it's not visible to anyone else but himself.

we must disipline them. by CUTTING IT OFF!! BWAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA!!!

...

some dude: you know, she's cute.
jobert: you mean... like a pig?

...

people will say hi to blu. Blu is my external hard drive. ^_^ that cost me a painful, annoying, yet well worth 200 bucks. also has 200 gb.

I've been talking about it with aurora and I've been deciding between a dvd burner and external hard drive. so I figured that the dvd burner will come with my soon to be apple g4 powerbook. <3

and yes. I promise to work hard and replenish my poor bank account. =_= I never expected to finish 1,000 dollars so fast. I'm sorry mom ;_; but america is a contry driven by consumerism.

you just HAVE To buy SOMETHING no matter WHAT!

...

well, I'm surprised that the PBEM has ended. I just checked my email now so... it was kinda late for me.

I feel guilty for not moving that much in the story. I kept procrastinating. but if I knew that it ended, I would have reused skye damn it =/

I'm tired of making new chracters and a concept that's playable to me.

that. and I'm sad kuya killed happy dog the happy dog. ;_; I mean, happy dog wasnt a horse!! why did you kill him?!!!

...

well, I went to this gig for nj indie bands. basically, I was standing around, doing nothing.

it wasnt as scary as I thought. but the place wasnt what I expected. T_T; it was smaller and [linking verb] a very few number of chairs. >_> [I've given up on sentences]

I guess, being me, I'd say my favorite part was the diner. apparently, what happened there, happened to most of the restaurants i've been to:
I'd not order anything. then someone wouldnt finish their food. and then i eat it. ^_^ which is something that i very much enjoy. so I had a plate of french fries, half a hamburger and half a rum cake.

basically a full meal. however three things that night were extremely funny and will be burned into memory (that would last for a month)

first was when peanut grabbed sara's hand to cup lauren's ass. and lauren made the most interesting expression I ever saw. it was a mix of confusion, rage, bewilderment, "WHOA!", "YOU BASTARD!&*!#," and "DUDE?!"

second was when peanut was begging on his knees infront of lauren, with his hands clasped infront of his face. then all the sudden, between lauren and peanut stood lauren's brother. and the scene looked like peanut was giving him a blowjob.

soon, peanut was curled in the fetal position on the floor, paralized/traumatized for the next few minutes.

and last was the vocalist of one of the bands and joberts car. it was basically both of them letting each other pass at the same time. "GO!" and "No! you go" over and over. so when jobert finally moved his car, the guy walked towards the car. then jobert would abruptly stop. and they'd say, "go!" and "no! you go!" over and over again.

this happened three times. and kuya's friend behind us goes, "dude, if that were me, I'd run him over coz I'm a horrible driver"

2005-04-05T09:49:00.000-07:00

Greta: I re-posted and replyed! just for you. ;_; I'm so sorry again!!

dude have you ever though of being a filipino major *_* that would be just awesome. and you can preach the yaoi-ity of noli in girl schools. and everyone will be converted!

Aurora: well, you and dominatrixness dont seem to far appart ^_^ I mean, you have the evil nails and the evil giggles (if they can be evil) and the high heels. you're just missing the whip and whip cream =D which are available in many grocery stores everywhere!

Char: that's one weird clip. I mostly didnt get it. but that guy can sure sing ^_^

I do wish most of the lower batchmen die. =c it's just my alumni (?) side talking ^^

Erika: yes. ^_^ more motherly men attract asian females. but I dont know why I like androgyny. '_' they're just really pretty to look at.

I dont know about lee-kun getting surgery. I mean, that's not a product of hard work. maybe if he thinks he's hot long enough, then he'll turn into a beautiful swan!---

aww who am I kidding?! he's hopeless.

in the end: YEY! I love compliments ^_^ or sarcastic notes that sound like compliments to my very dense ears. (if ears can be dense)

...

I was so traumatized today. there was a guy asleep in the lib. he was on a chair with his head on his shoulder and his whole body was just shlumped.

but the traumatic part was that his hand was in his pants!!! GEHHH!!

I mean _DUDE_ you just ruined my beautiful image of naruto sliping his hand in sasuke's boxers ;_; YOU JUST RUINED THE HOTNESS OF YAOI!~!@!!!!!

and just the other day I read the hottest yaoi fic I've ever read. not htat it's too graphic but... WHOA! naruto?! the SEME?! AWESOME! and him dirty talking sasuke?!

I just couldnt stop giggling. its so.. OOC it should be forbidden. but i loved it!

but still.. it just kinda ruined the romance ;_; the very hot image of two very hot ninjas... *sigh*

now, I just cant picture that scene nicely anymore.

...

I've neverfelt more girly then i did yesterday. There was a worm in the newspaper. how it got there? I have no idea.

I looked at it for a while. wondering what I'm going to do. then, instict hit me like a big fat truck: run and scream.

and that I did. that WORM touched me. and I couldnt help but shreak. it was just... so gross. >_< I cant take it. it was disgusting. even if it was a simple innocent worm.

I still dont know why I find it so repulsing. XO

...

"No, stupid!" Kiba said, impatient. "Gaara likes you."

Naruto did not even try for a 'what?!!' He simply stood there, frozen and much more wide-eyed than usual.

"More like, he's obsessed with you," Chouji joked.

"Wha...what?" Naruto choked out. Having a Sand ninja, especially Gaara, obsessed with you was no laughing matter.

"Yeah," Kiba agreed. "Every time he sees you or your name comes up in a conversation he says--"

"Uzumaki Naruto," the occupants of the entire tower, save Naruto, said in unison, voices imitating Gaara's deep and solemn tone.

"Like he can't settle for saying just 'Naruto' or just 'Uzumaki.' He has to say your whole damn name," Kiba complained. Having to hear 'Uzumaki Naruto' constantly was pretty annoying.

from a fanfic. ^_^

i just found it REALLY funny =D

...

theres something cool about black women evangelists type catholics/christians ^_^ i think it's because they praise their faiths and they're so SURE about it.

When I was on the bus going to phily there were these two old ladies talking aout how they were trying to do good in their lives and they firmly believe that whatever good and bads happing in their lives are the reward and punishment system of jesus.

anyway~ it's the start of april. one more months and I'm there! all I have to do is learn how to drive ¬_¬

2005-03-29T20:13:00.000-08:00

someone must check the product of my geniosity. apparently, this is what the people in the presidents list do in their free time.

not drawing... BUT eat little children ^_^.

...

greta: oops! I dont double read my post XO I'm so sorry I forgot you!! I already typed my reply to you but I dont know hwere it went (maybe it was with the post that i deleted =/) so in my sorry, I'll put you the first of the replying list. ^_^

ahem! replying shall commence! number 1, they never gave us any magazines in highschool! except for the gazzette... thingy. Number 2, DUDE!! I showed you this totlaly hot pic of wufei *drool* oh yeah...

but this one is jin and he's a samurai and *thinks* I guess that's about it ^_^ This is like.. the second blue samurai that I like! but jin doesnt smile as much!! anong fei?! from xenogears?!! I"L KILL YOU!! ;_; he's ... COOLER than fei!! fei's so whiny =p

aww thanks for correcting my tagalog. what would be without you? =D obviously a person with still horrible tagalog =_=;;;

fatima: DUDE!!! I heart you~! I miss you ^_^ THIIIIIIIS MUCH! *gestures with arms* apparently, I dont have a piccie of myself... so... ^_^;;;

char yes... new layout ^_^

Aurora: Yey! first post in the new... layout ^_^ acutally, I think it was navi with his question, but whatever. ^_^

YES! our special project. ^_~ I just hope I wont look like a suspicious character >_> but hell, new yorks full of it XD

haha takki wasnt with ken lloyd. ^.^ silly aurora. tee-hee. it was a men's hair cut book. *_* and I have a thing for hair.

I'd hang my list but it might change over time. =D since I am weird and moldable.

Erika: can "nursing genius" be a complement? I can imagine hitler in a nurses outfit since I already saw him in a maids out fit (ewww. he's like your hentai girl who can play your sick hospital/school/master fantasies!! GEH)

dude.. that's so cool ;_; opening for the decemberists. I was never much of a concert person myself. but then i thought to myself, I'm here... I might as well be queer. =D (or take the queers, which ever can come first) I mean, I havent even attended any of the concerts of OPM bands (shame on me!)

I cant believe you can sound giddy replying. ^O^ it's interesting. well I dont know how lee can improve on his looks. he thinks gai sensei is the bomb. =_= of BAD-WRONG-SAD fashion. ;_; but I would have liked it if he grew his hair long again and had those fly-away bangs ^_^ YEY~! a lee make over!!! Lee needs queer eye more than Naruto ~_^

dude. it's ok. ^_^ I mean, it's like tagboard anyway. you can never reread the previous posts. >_<

Navi: ...yes? *gestures hand in a shakespearian way*
...

DAMN MY FORUM!!! they make me so addicted to so many things. it's the first time I actually participated in the forum. and in every forum, I feel competitiveness between the gackt thread and the larc thread. and it seems that everwhere i go, the gackt thread has like... THOUSANDS!!! and larc... doesnt ;_;

well, you cant win em all. but I am an exception to society!!! I am a nurse in the PRESIDENTS LIST!!! XO!! I demand justice!!! and... bishounens.

speaking of bishounens my cousin was telling me that asian people generally prefer androgyny than manly men. it was proven in a study and it has something to do with androgynous men look more nurturing.

but funny thing was burn my cousin's wife(who was white) did to him.

candalf: do you like androgyny?
wife: nah, I like manly men. *turns to my cousin*
wife: but I dont know how I ended up with him. =/

tee-hee.

...

I LOVE THE NEW LAYOUT!! hell, I love all the layouts erika make ^_^ BECAUSE!! they are filled with bishouneness. <3

but the amazingness of live has not yet noticed my coolness *_*

apparently I would hope to kick peoples asses in class. but alas, I cannot submit my abstract for bio ;_; I need more time. because all the documents I've printed suddenly disappeared. GEH!

however on a more important issue: jloh looks like a teacher. I was pretty specific when I said he looked like sir dino.

when I saw that picture he reminded me of something that needs a cold shot to the nuts. He looked likes someone you'd see in some place that I am familiar with. and then it hit me! he looked like a school teacher!

^_^ Jloh the school teacher. awww .think of all the debate girls who'd go for him and his sister. so that would mean it's kloh and jloh the twin faculty terrors!!

oh I dont know. I quit =p

...

oh heart te' heart! I dont know what I'm saying but I feel poetic and I have a homework to do~ BUT I did promise myself some yaoi by the end of the day and watch sex in the city!

because i do love samantha and her very bishie lover ^_^

and I do want to leave because may tao sa katabi ko na amoy... tabacco. >_< and it's choking me!

so aurevoi!... however you spell >_>

2005-03-24T14:41:00.000-08:00

Justin if you're reading this, then...

happy birthday!!!

^_________^

its sad that the older we get, the more people expect stuff from us. However, I'm sorry justin. you're lil sis'l just get fatter and fatter XD

with ICE CREAM!!!

...
On the academic side of life:

i got into president's list =D!!

I dont really know what it is, but it sounds cool! Well, I hope it's cool. kuya said it's higher than a deans list. *_* I hope that means its easier for me to transfer colleges.

hmm... but then again, that means my bro also got this one when he first started >_> which makes it feel less special....

well who the fuck cares. I'll take what I can. =D and here i am. taking it. this certificate will surely go on a special place: the refrigerator. until i feel sawa of it's apperance.

...

I have stuff to do on may =D. me and aurora's little project. AND the Build to Spill and Decemberists concert XD!!

I"m sure lauren will join me for built to spill. and maybe jobert will join me for decemberists? yes ^_^ since we are fan! ho-ho!

I'll surely be busy. Lets not forget all those interent pasalubongs. hahaha. good luck with me!

...

I'm sorry. I have absolutely have nothing else to say. except for my weekly naruto spoilers ^_^

NEJI'S HOT@!!!! OH my god. the bishounen-ness. I cant take it. *_* NEJI!! I CURRENTLY WANT YOU!!! (I'm sorry gaara ^_^; but I"m sure naruto will take are of you)

you know hwat, ever since naruto changed gaara and neji's life, they got better looking O_o; so does that mean, the bishounen hormone naruto was supposed to have got wasted on them or something?!!! DAMN!!!

ps. sannin thing is echoing again... ¬_¬

...

today was our second biology test. lately I've been pondering on if I really need nursing. '_' because, it seems like I'm giving so much effort on a security blanket.

but then, I was thinking of double majoring. so whatever. >_> I dont have a job, might as well do something useful with my life. geh. I'm so confused. ah yes. I have so much to do =_=;

I just want to say one remark about ken lloyd

lyrics: say you'll be my own, my ever glow and shine for me~
candalf: awww...
lyrics: in my womb~
candalf: ... T_T; WTF?! ok dude, you just lost the romance. ¬_¬

well the thing that I like about him (ignoring hte lyrics) is that he can really SMOOTHly hit those high notes. I'm sorry, but I just love it! <3

2005-03-21T08:14:00.000-08:00

well, obviously I havent posted for quite a while. it's becasue I did try to post a few days ago, and stupid blogger didnt publish properly. =/

Char: char, you are greenmindedly slow XP haha. but then that's why I'm candalf the green minded. but we also had those silly little innuendos during the games about jobert. hahaha! ha... maybe we can do that to kath or soemthing.

Aurora: sweetie, I'd just like to say, forget dave. ken lloyds freaking hot and I want him! obviously, I have been turned by one of his songs and even if the whole song was in english (realizing after I've listened to it for the 15th time) I still cant make out some of the lyrics. >_<

aww. I'm sorry, I'd post more often but not alot of stuff happens over here. america's freaking boring. well, the suburbs are freaking boring. If I was with my sis, I would have had a job right now or be (OP!) at kinokuniya. ^_~ but hell, I'm a stupid girl who just got addicted to a new jap band AFTER she went to kinokuniya ;_;.

;_; where is larc on? what press mgazine? NOOO!!! I dont want them to be popular!! *shiver* think of all those number of fangirls increasing! XO

Greta: magica3? I've never even heard of that game!!! did you talk to me about it before?

well, so far, there are suggestions from char and erika on what to use. =p ginawang forum. hahaha. hehe youre so happy na with your dsl. ^_~ all those nobuo stuff for the taking. have fun!

since you have a (somewhat) connection to barbie, does that mean we'll get to meet her *_* OH BARBIE!!! I'd turn gay just for you! but too bad you turned straight =/ I blame the born-agains.

Erika: well, the thing about genesis is that, he rescued you from your distress. which makes him a prince but the charming is still debate-able. we have to see him first.

yea. your toe was the important thing. because without it getting hurt, you wouldnt have met him (>_> got to know him more) like neji said, it's destiny. and he's such a retard (neji I mean) XD. but we cared about your toe, it's just that genesis beat us to the punch. actions speak louder than words so... whatever I say, I'm sure genesis would have had a better impression than me. ;_;

as for the naruto AMV, I'm sure the next naruto eps (127) will have naruto and sasuke scenes. ^_^ of them fighting. I still have to look for the previous eps. WHOOHA!

...

yea. I was bleeding my ass and it hurt. I cant help but give it some attention. so now it's gone, so right now, I have a clean hiney.

thank you for the ego boost. as usual, you get extra money for saying I'm better than him and implied that I can kick his arse. =D you make me happy. I think I deserve a pat on the head.

I do feel special. ^_^ we can beat him! I mean... we're better in our own... tamad way. and we got erika! who's a genius and can do all those mentally hard parts for us. ^_^

remember, in modern english pat is the present tense for pet. >_>;

...

ten facts about candalf

10. I want to perform without the hardwork of practice. since I'm extra lazy.

9. I dont like it when things I like become popular. (which is really strange and I really dont know why I think like that. and I've tried to change it but it wont)

8. I use a different voice when talking to adults or other people (which was something priti pointed out to me)

7. I like the bee gees.

6. I have a thing for hair and hats but I'm lazy to style my hair and wear hats.

5. I'm always insecure. and it's a hinderance. it's annoying. grr...

4. I hate for fun.

3. if I could, I'd wear pajamas everyday.

2. I'm a hypocrite. =p

1. I like being patted on the head or hugging. because, I love being acknowledged ^_~ (go naruto!)

...
I was supposed to have this... whole rethinking the way I live because I saw this article: American teens latch on to Japanese pop culture because it's annoying to be japanese influenced when your own contry isnt getting attention. that and I dislike the idea of increasing jfangirls. I"m sure some of you knows what I"m talking about.

girls in the hallway giggling, fighting over the aniem character slash jrock singer that they like. (guilty) competing over who's a better fan. (guilty) flaunting out all those mangas and magazines and speak horrible japanese (not guilty)-- while I gouge my eyes out and scream to block the voices.

so my plan is, make philippines hella popular and then return to my normal otaku self.

but then hell, forget japan. I should go all filipino on the worlds ass. but I dont know how since I dont even speak perfect filipino. >_>; but hell, yes. I will try to remove all that japanese out of my system.

but that's really hard. since... I'm a fangirl myself. I love anime and jrock. if you remove that... I dont know what to be addicted about. theres not much to be addicted about in the philippines, except for some bands and I really like them but not insanely love them.

=/ hmm.. how should I do this? suggestions are well accepted.

... wait... what was my point again? oh hell, forget it.

...

ken lloyd is a vocalist that I currently have the hots for. the thing about japanese people who sing english is that they are too used to singing in japanese that when they use english lyrics they distort the pronunciation of the word (just like what they do to japanese words),and thus leaving the fan girl confused on what he's saying.

for~ since japanese doesnt really accent some parts of the word like english words have, japanese words can easily be twisted around when sung. umlike english words where you cant do that because no one will know what that word is. =/

since he sings something like a punkish songs, he doesnt really use the smooth side of his voice, he uses that rough voice that's made when you push your voice abrupty.

however in a certain song, (that I've been playing over and over again) Ive realized that his voice his alsmot angelic when he reached those high parts. equals me loving him.

however, his voice still sounds like a... guy. not as powerful as hydes and not as cool as seki tomokazu. but he is "j-rock" in a certain song, he sounds like the vocalist of urban dub. but that's it

but I think that there should be another j-genre. like j-metal or something. because there are some bands that awefully resemble those like cradle of filth. deconstructed and chaotic music that I cant very well appreciate.

however just the other day, I've meet my first cradle of filth fan. he's a friend of kuya and he reminded me of Jay from project runway. (this fat gay fashion designer whom I think is cute and is awefully gay and I love him so for that. plus I love his style) mostly his slightly feminime/stoned voice reminded me of jay or gay + ness.

hahaha. I hope he doesnt see this because some people get too touchy when they're implied to be gay. >_>

anyway, back to ken lloyed. he's hot. half brit and jap. meaning (according to aurora) if I marry him, I get a free trip around europe (or some where along those lines.) he currently shaved his eyebrows and arms for a certain video. so, god bless his soul!

...

New York.

I went to kinokuniya as I've told everyone else (>_>) there was one thing I really wated to buy. there was this booklet for 2005 hair styles.

and I really wanted to buy it. and taki's on the cover pa naman. it was 10 dollars.

even if they were all men's hair styles, they looked so pretty. damn thems. ;_; I want pretty hair.

geh. I have to get this "I'm really japanese influenced" thing out of my system!! because I'm not japanese! and even I do like their anime and their music and their fashion, I can ;_; try to over come it! GO ME!

2005-03-12T09:53:00.000-08:00

Fatima: PA!!!!!!!!!!!!! I overly miss you. and I have a link to your belovedly dead live journal. I'll be there!!! in june~!!! apparently, my cousin has this thing at the end of may so I cant leave.

Greta: yea, the tagboard occasionally dies. it does that to everyone's too. so yea. ooh~ about that mp3, I dont know where to get it, maybe you have something like kazaa or a search?

according to m-w.com "pleonasm" means redundancy? so you'll cook for me?!!! YEY! Wow greta, maybe you should have been here to take care of me when I was sick ^_~

The pic with mang bags? I have it. ^_^ I smile at it. I go "...awww" at it.

Aurora: I remember these things!!! Aurora, you just have a +5 to blog trivia. XD but I'm suprised you even remembered the details O_o;;;

Erika: YEY! you + download = a downloading erika ^_^ and naruto yaoi AMVness

ahem ahem ahem

for the BOTH OF YOU (erika and aurora): I have one statement about dave: he awefully resembles my made up character. I've been bugging myself on why he reminds me of someone and it turns out that he just reminded me of a character I made for a poor and abandoned story.

(except for that my character was more of a cute dork who has sad sad nery fantasies, which dave doesnt have *sigh*) and for one thing! I just mention ONE GUY, just TWICE (not counting this) and my traumatic and semi-traumatic event with him and you guys think that I'm interested.

EXCUSE ME!! His quarter japanese heritage does not lure me in like another form of free ticket to japan--- NO! it does not! it just as intruiging as the temption to ask my jap classmate in bio class if he had a younger brother with a deep voice and carrying an evangelion bag around the campus...

... BUT POINT IS!!!! he is not an important charater in my life story@!!!! he is a traumatic event that I shall strangle than kill for two reasons!!!!!

1: he's REALLY REALLY good with a guitar! (and he learned it in less than a year GEH!)
2: whenever I pine over gaara's bishounenness, he looks at me and sez "He's not even real." With that annoying calm SLASH stoned voice that sounds so... SURE OF HIMSELF!

and I sigh and reply with a weak, "DONT REMIND ME!"

...

I was supposed to be sad about something... but I forgot what it is.

This is now my response to the question "what is blogging?"

Blogging is a way of telling the world that you're alright. or sad or a freak.

...

wow. the last time I was in a campaign that was not with my friends was... riffs. however you spell it. I had a card captor sakura rip off character and man was she cheezy.

but today was the first game of a hack n slash based game. I had a plain normal fighter. but I as candalf on the other hand enjoyed the many innuendos this game had.

ahh... I blame jobert for reviving the green mindedness in me. it's your fault.

paladin: I serve [blah] god.
dragon: i serve myself
~~~
paladin: so why dont you show yourself to us
dragon: I dont want to
candalf: out of game: because he's serving himself

ahh. I love it when thsoe things happen.

...

Aside from me bleeding my ass off, (yes it's my period, if my brothers were women, our menstrual cycles would be in sync)

ahem. I'm having such a music turnover. from some nice mellow indie music, I'm moving over to the j-rock world, and for the first time I'm exploring other bands than my favorite Larc.

but seriously, L'arcs too popular for their own good. XD it's easy to access information about them... and PICS!!! and they're reassuringly pretty. ^_^

but more importantly, the pillows are coming in the US, playing in small venues-- which i find to be pretty cool because they're more affordable yet sadly maybe age restricting.

sadly I cant go. even though there are TWO shows in new york (how rare ;_;) I cant go.

even if I'm not a pillow fan, I just want to go to support asian artists. hell, if barbie were going to maryland, I'd learn how to drive just to get there! (for I love her as a straight and slightly bisexual woman, and she has (in my opinion) the ideal female voice, and my sensei magically got a pic with her = me sad)

but point is! I'd like to go. and the noodles are playing too~ I've heard one song and I liked it. ^_^

2005-03-08T12:57:00.000-08:00

Greta: first of all... "pleonasm"? thank god for www.m-w.com for that!

aww. but I still want to sacrifice yourself to the violin gods inorder to achieve a uber high level of violin playing. ^_^ it is my dream!

so basically "butterflies in your stomach = pressure = farting" is what you wanted to say because it sounds cool? someone's taking her science elective too seriously. hehehe

aurora: thank you for sharing the similar feeling of annoyance as i do. apparently we are all not as saintly and hairy as a certain someone (or monkey).

but yes! we will and maybe a road trip. and if we ever get to japan, let's not forget to bring a tent and instant ramen incase we cant afford the hotels.

erika: maybe those baby ulcers are actually butterflies and you are subconcuously pessimistic?

fine! you are used to the tag board! but I'm still keeping the tag board. the comments thing nalang would be for those long expressive stuff.

apparently no one can contain all of greta's lovely words ^_^

ps. can I ask you to d/l a song for me? [the caesars - jerk it out] I found it to be funky ;_;

...

for once this year I have felt the strongest urge to stop time, drop my violin and run far far away.

yesterday was my little "jam" with dave. and from that I have learned two things:
1. I'll never "jam" with him ever again
2. I'll force erika to practice harder

I just hate it when god gives more character points to some than others.

...

I got sick over the weekend. sore throat that turned into cough that turned into colds. >_> it's morphing time! or what I wished was morphine time hehe ^_^

ok! enough with the cornyness!

so basically nothign happened to me aside from staying in bed for a really REALLY long time.

I met kuya allans gay friends. ;_; and man, I wish I was kuya allan. they were so cool! and funny! and I didnt know they were gay until jobert said so!

I want to go to my mom and say to her "MOM!! I WANT THEM FOR MY BIRTHDAY@!!!!"

but hey, they're all cool~ my cousin and his friends. they were very funny. ^_^ I was kinda sick during the little gathering. and I really love all their gay jokes about my other cousin carl.

hehehe. there was time when kuya brought his dog soby and he trained soby to bark. so when kuya said "Is carl gay?" soby would bark.

hehehehe he's so cool. both of them.

...

yesterday was a beautiful day. in terms of the weather, leaving aside that semi-traumatizing moment with dave (note: he has a girlfriend, so dont you dare think if anything. and he's not that bishounen anyway)

I mean... the whole campus was kinda quiet and the weather wasnt that cold. just slightly chilly and it reminded me so much of poveda after classes when everyone went home.

when I'm still stuck in school and waiting for my driver because of some reason he's late.

and the few times jyagan had practices in school was like that. out in the field, (coz dave prefered to play outside) and I remember that jyagan did kinda played outside.

sometimes...

and it was such... a very nostalgic moment. I missed school. I missed mang bagio. I missed forcing keena to listen to me since her sister would also make her stay late. and I missed patting her head.

and I kinda missed the grey plastic bench. and I missed how some of our classmates that are still lurking around school would spot you and come over to you.

it really sucked that, that weather and the sky and school-- everything about yesterday was something so rare.

wow. lets call that a magical moment for me~ wheee~

[damn you build to spill and your song "carry the zero"!!]