Tuesday, June 27
|
my life is one without a purpose at the moment.
I gave up with looking for a part-time job since last week. Thanks to lauren, I have a few friends I enjoy hanging out with. Thanks to my mom, I have a laptop. Thanks to immigrants, I have free food. Thanks to bizmark, I know that I have someone I can count on when shit falls.
...
Saturday was an eventful day. I planned to go home in south jersey to clean the house before my parents see it. I decided to take the new jersey transit. Meaning:
Train 1: from jersey city to newark
Train 2: from newark to trenton
Train 3: from Trenton to camden
Train 4: from camden to lindenwald
I was in newark then i realize that I have lost my wallet. My money was in there. All of it. I was distressed, slightly hyperventilated. I wanted do cry but didnt feel like it. I was very upset.
I called bizmark first and reported my situation. Then jobert, and lastly my sister.
"Funny story," I said. "I lost my wallet,"
A sleepy "good god" was what I heard on the other end.
Later, bizmark called me and said that he'll pick me up.
Four hours, 2 sketches and the feeling of absolute security later, bizmark appears from south jersey with his lackey, mike, and tells me he hates me.
we go over to the ticket meister and get our tickets and be on our way.
After train 3, we were out of money. rather, we have money but we're unable to produce it from our bank accounts. However, bizmark pulled through and got us home safe.
We visited eleana's then went to my house. I cleaned my mom's room and then proceeded to get drunk with bizmark, ben, mike and chrissy.
bizmark was sweet enough to hold my hair back as I vomitted in the toilet. Jobert was gracious enough to continue the job for him afterwards. I finally slept at 6am.
...
Sunday was a day of confusion. I told lauren that we're going to go see Feist for free in Central Park at 3pm.
I woke up at 9:30am, apologized to lauren and posponed the timing twice, moved it to 10 and then to 12nn.
I felt insanely sick and queezy. Lauren said she'll just meet me in jersey city instead. I was still smashed from the drinking but I trudged forward. I went to china town, took the bus and sat in tiredom and nausea. I wouldnt want to keep a friend waiting.
In the middle of my ride to NY, lauren called telling me she'll spend her day with austin instead. I personally didnt care who she'd spend it with but I was a bit pissed that I forced myself out of bed for nothing.
I could have slept more. something that erika cant do. HAH.
anyway, I arrived home and near the train station was a late celebration of philippine independence day. I went home, took a bath and went back to see what's there to see. It was apparently towards the end of it when this small carenderia was giving their stuff away for free.
I was all, "gusto ko libre~"
Later on, lauren calls me and tells me she's in new york. Mistakes exchange place for world trade center and met her at home instead.
...
Monday morning was lost to "interviews" and mad penny pinching. I lost my wallet, remember? Lauren was insistant that I hang around her and her boyfriend and promised me that they're not like normal couples.
I dont know. Thats what jim told me about him and melissa. I... I cant stand being with couples. I tolerate my sister and her husband because she's family and I get free food. EXPENSIVE free food. and free banana and peanut butter.
I told that to bizmark on the way home from hanging out with Nathan and T. (We watched A Tale of Two Sisters. Awesome by the way. Promised that we'd have a movie night with Zu-Zu too.) Bizmark flipped out about me hanging out with him less if he got a girlfriend.
well, I just dont do couples. You witnessed it when I wouldnt even let joey speak about her boyfriend in my presense.
Here's my deal: The reason why I hang out with friends is because we're all in a world of weirdness all together. However, if I'm with a couple, its like they're in their world and you obviously know that you're not part of it even if you were invited.
I do like my friends. but I'm a bit sad if they get significant others because, well, no matter how much they deny it they do become different. Their priorities are different. and what pisses me off is that they give more significance to the people they've only known for a short while than to those they've known for a year or more.
People start showing aspects of theselves I dont want to see. I didnt even want to see myself when i do mushy stuff. its a shameful action.
...
anyway, my parents are home. my mom brought me shopping at ross. everything I bought ended up to $100. (HOLY SHITE)
and my cellphone bill was $387. yes. I'm not talking to a certain someone anymore. I'm bored to often.
I'm sitting in my room, with awesome internet, sweating like theres no tomorrow.
I'm slowly getting back to the manga world. It's fun. Ahh~ the internet is a wonderful place. having a laptop just upgrade's the experience.
...
Free food bonanza:
I was walking home down broadway in new york at 11 in the evening. I was thirsty so I went into a convenience store with an open salad bar. while getting a drink, I noticed that the guy is just dumping all the food into a big trash can.
my filipino side kicked in and i felt both angry and pitiful for the poor discarded food. I asked the guy if I can have the food for free instead of him throwing it.
he told me to talk to the guy in the counter. I did and I said the same thing. The guy in the counter said I *CAN* take the food but Ihave to pay for the container.
As I was working my way alphabetically from fruits, meat and vegetable. I was stopped at fruits because I took too much.
well I walked a 30 minute walk to the trainstation carrying 5lbs of food on one hand.
ps. I like kiwi.
The second time was during my arrival in jersey city from philadelphia. It was a celebration of philippine independence day at a different day. so it was 6 and everyone was closing up their store and started giving their food free.
I was all. "Ako!! gusto ko ng libre~!"
fucktastic. <3
Monday, June 19
|
Kuya: I do try to cheer up. but apparently, money maybe needed for this. -----ok. maybe not need. but it can definately help. ^_^
Erika: You can say emo. I admit it. I think I'm done with my emo phase. Actually I am. Thanks for... worrying...?
You + Sappy = block party celebration of erika showing emotion~!
I do curse those american movies of assholes who easily got jobs. but I dont know, my roomie lauren seems to be the girl right out of those movies. Well, I'm not white. Thats all I have to say. And oh my gosh, you actually remember stuff from nickelodeon
I love how you want to buy me food. <3 hohw about just simple tapsilog and sisig? and sans the hepatitis?
Priti did treat me to food. <3 I love her. She's so nice. I did say hi for you. I forgot the smile part. but aww man, seeing prit was such a joy. I havent been hyper for anything for the longest time.
Chat: I sadly, sadly agree. ;_;
...
certain thoughts are slowly welling in me. (welling?)
1. My sister is a nice person...? Aside from the slight pressure of living in new york, she's completely ok and very encouraging. Very different from the sister I remember when I was a kid.
She treats me out to food. She helps me with looking for a job. Hell, she's the one that got me that amazing temporary job though the power of connections.
2. I'll never get a job like that again. It was a fun job. It was a job I wouldnt mind doing for the rest of my life. It was a job I wouldnt mind doing the whole day. *tear* It sadly lasted for only 2 weeks and a half.
the best part was that the interview process didnt exist. I suck at interviews.
3. Lauren may finally get her shit together. She got a job at a uniform place as a cashier. I'm proud of her.
4. Jobert has money. I'm very proud of him. <3
5. I have to seriously take things into consideration. About my future i mean. I dont know what the fuck I'm doing. But I do agree with what my brother in law said "Its summer. Enjoy it. Just finish your degree and everything will follow."
Seeing his apartment makes me want to trust his words. I love his apartment. I'd love to steal it from them if I can.
...
As my sister was slowly pressing on me to study in new york, my thoughts started to stirr a little. The whole, new york or philly deal, playing in my mind again. But this time, I'm sure I want to go to the university of arts.
Mostly because of friends. Its hard for me to find people I can actually have (constant and idiotic) fun with. though I dont have that many here, and it amybe a cursed friendship (judging by what happened to bob and pete) I'll take my chances and stay in south philly for college.
Though I still want to go to parsons. but its too late to apply anyway. and I hate the people who go there. I hate too many things. I hate too many crowds. Not that I really, really hate them, or take offense towards them. Its just that I have a strong preference to not be exposed into that type of crowd.
Mostly because they are pretentious douche bags who look down on people (who are sad and insecure) like me.
...
And so I'm proud of aurora~ working in the japanese foundation. surrounded by hot jap boys everyday *tear* ENVY~~
dude. there are a lot of japanese here but no hotties. ;_;
...
Isaw priti on thursday last week. She's going home today (I dont remember what time) for either UK or the philippines. but seriously, seeing her was such a joy and such perfect timing. being with her made me remember that I dont need to interact with the other races to be happy.
but I remember, she dragged me into the store where this guy (I *might* like) works. I wouldnt want to say that I like him because he... he's not pretty. he's not hot... he's... normal. and sadly, with tattoos. what the fuck. I didnt even know he had that till the second time I came around. why does god do this to me?!
and so I talked with him for a while, and when I came back with prit she said "EEe~ candalf talked with a boy~~ <3" she made me blush. <3
I love those things. Those stupid, childish high school remarks like we're still in poveda and we havent gone out into the world yet.
haha. it was a joy. aww. I wish you guys would come over here for the while =_=;; it would be so nice.
...
I feel evil and horrible. The Pillows are having a concert on thursday and I still havent bought the tickets to it. But you know, that is a highly probable area to watch jap boys gather. O_o do able, do able.
well, as for the music and art scene, I'm completely stagnant. I havent been bending towards any direction except for giving Tool an open ear.
No comics except for me re-reading sandman comics. I would have read it faster if my laptop would stop bullshitting me.
yea. you heard me, pudding! stop it!
so thats all for now. ciao~
Tuesday, June 13
|
I kind of had a bad day today.
My day started with me waking up and lauren wasnt home. I was kind of worried that she might have been taken advantage of getting lost in china town at midnight.---or she met some guy in the bus and over nighted at his place.
apparently my latter prediction deemed itself true. I met lauren on the way to the train station, happy that she's fine and she's didnt get lost.
So I went off to work waiting for my boss' call on what time I should start today. I called her instead and i was told that the original assistant was back from his vacation and that I'm done. She'll call me if he ever takes a day off.
So that was the end of the dream job. I called lauren and asked her if she'd like to go job hunting together. She sounded enthusiastic about it.
So I waited for lauren in my sisters apartment. Then waited for her at the world trade center. Then waited for her around union square. apparently, eating a pound of cherries makes me gas-y thus the waiting became a more unpleasant game.
It was hot, I was bloated and gas-y and lauren still wasnt around.
I decided, "fuck this. I kinda had plans for me and lauren to do today (which was taco tuesday) but screw it, I'm going home."
as I was typing a long-ass message to bizmark how the job hunting went, lauren called. and my text message disappeared and wasnt saved.
I dont like typing with that effing cell.
Lauren was apologetic. She left her cellphone in the house and apparently, her house keys. She felt really bad about it and very sad.
For some reason, I couldnt get mad. my head was saying to itself, "oh... again... ah.." its like, its been disappinted too many times in its life that it doesnt care anymore.
Now, I'm just sitting in the cafe near my house, treating myself to a peanut butter pie. Lauren offered to cook me something but I declined. I wanted a treat, not really dinner.
So here I am, wasting my money. you know what. I jsut burned 250 bucks in a week. the problem is, I didnt even go shopping. So that means it was mostly spent on food and transportation.
can you imagine that?!
I hate freaking america. Except for the few nice people. yey~
I wish that people I knew were here so it would have been more fun. <3 like a road trip.
So good luck to me getting a new summer job tomorrow. I'm going to spend tomorrow seeing a manufacturer from my previous job (he's a sweet pappy, I like talking to him.) and a date with priti <3 YEY!
Monday, June 12
|
Can I just say that Chuck Palahniuk and Radiohead make the perfet "coffee and cake" combination?
...
Aurora: sweetie. *huggles* december is around the corner! six more months!! YEY!! white people arent worthy of attention. but apparently, my (how corny is this line:) heart contradicts my head. I hope I'm delusional.
hahaha-- Not funny.
Greta: aww. Ihave a playstation 1 right now. I'm pissed because it takes so long too load. I'm too impatient for that. I'll play ff3 and chrono trigger this summer. I'm too lazy for xenogears (no matter how awesome it is)
hahaha alipin ng pagibig? It sounds like the title for your harem. its adorable. and carrot at the same time. I love it. you should make a comic with that.
oh greta. I'm emotionally injured. hows that? rawr~
...
the drama is over. I gained new friends and lost old friends (not really old considering I just met them 3 months ago). I'm now into new places and I cant return to the old ones. How sad is that?
I cant believe what just happened. and I cant help but think I'm the bad person. Not really bad but I'm the creepy person. good god. I was trying to stay sane but apparently trying to focus stretched my limits and brought me to Coo-coo land.
All I have to say is: white people. dont meddle with them. They're stupid and they'll bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.
but no. I was the asshole and crazy creepy bitch of the scene. In my defense, all I can say was that:
1. he was white.
2. he's a man whore.
3. he would have brought the creepiness out of you too given the situation.
so its done. guys, this is the last time you'll hear of bob.
and apparently the psychic had horrible lag with her predictions.
...
I've been reading naruto again.
all I have to say is:
1. EWW sai is STAYING?!
2. Sasuke, isnt as hot as I thought he would be. but good enough. his costume is gayer and I was uber turned on when he put his arm around naruto. (tee-hee)
3. sakura... sakura should have died.
4. sasuke... sasuke should have had sweet gay romance with naruto. they should have been all like:
sasuke: naruto... I havent seen you in a long time...
naruto: sasuke.. lets fuck.
sasuke: sure ~<3
but thats just me. >_>;
...
Today I had a vanilla cream puff. I remember aly was talking about it. It was insanely delicious but troublesome to eat down the street. you'd get suggestive glances.
I hate suggestive glances. its like they have nothing better to do. but then again, if I have nothing better to do and absolutely no shame, I would have done the same time.
but people dont put themselves in the situation which makes them vulnerable for suggestive glances.
(Ooo... I wonder what priti's doing today... )
But! point is: new york. I'm too poor for it and too fat. it kills me. I'm too poor, fat and unattractive for new york.
new york is like one gigantic high school drama. if youre not in, you dont exist. and I'm absoltely cool with non existing--- because that was my high school life. *
thumbs up*
...
Apparently, I dont know what to get back into. I have no interests at the moment and my latest addiction wasnt downloadable-- and didnt give me any energy boosts at all.
Lets see:
1. jap music, game music, opm, indie music
2. anime and manga// scanlations
3. fashion, photography
4. instrument playing
5. photoshop
I have nothing that i feel like going back to. maybe, I'll try to get into something new. maybe buddhism. or maybe a new program. or maybe... somethign that can get me money.
you know what, I've always wanted a tatoo. you know what, I'm seriously getting out of hand. I'm so fucking bored, I dont have steady fast internet. what the hell is happening?!
so, so now... I dont know what the fuck I'm doing. this is a boring summer. I kinda expected to do so much more but.. yea. This isnt, hmm. I have a lot of free time. =x. I wouldnt have had so much free time if I had good intenet.
Saturday, June 3
|
greta: sweetie. I dont know what I'd do without you. <3
...
The drama, apparently, according to the psychic, is far from over. So fuck them.
...
my life is kind of on a stand still, though its actually not but i feel like it is. I'm in jersey city right now. I have a pretty good temp job, my comic will be getting a start on as soon as my laptop comes in next week, and I'm living with a friend and not with my family for the summer.
but for some reason, I still feel tied and i feel like nothing is going on. I seriously miss the philippines. I miss how it feels like having to care about school, homework, your asshole of a classmates, trying not to be late for a date with your friends and all that non dramatical shit.
I miss my friends. I miss how guys never came into my life. I miss how I would throw homosexual jokes at each other. I miss being a kid. I still dress like I'm 14 (apparently). I miss being in high school. but the pain of nostalgia is numbed over. everything right now is numbed over.
haha. I hate my fucking life.
I got a myspace by the way. thus proves that I am an unoffical american. the only thing missing is my citizenship.
bullcrap. I cant believe this.
...
so, no more bob and pete for me. no more nursing for me. I feel like I went back to square one as if the first two years of college never existed.
I'm really sorry I havent been online for the longest time. I'm really sorry that I'm weird and that I'm turning american. apparently, change will happen. but I hope i wont let go of somethings.
I'm really tired of emo blogging. but its the only thing going on with me right now. I've been wating for this stupid phase to pass me. Its been how long? two months? three?
I'm really sorry for having to not be myself anymore. I still want to keep this blog. I've had this blog since I was in 2nd year high school. yea. right when jobert moved to america so that he knows whats happening to me.
but I'm pretty sure this blog will stay for a long time, even if no one reads it anymore. =p
I miss you guys.
