Tuesday, March 28
|
navi: dude. thats some heavy stuff. I still have to looks for some time to put it aside. lucky jobert does have watchmen and I can take extra time to read it. however, I have a lot of things that I have to do.
books to finish, games to replay and comics to color.
I will keep your recommendation list near me at most times. especially when I will be around the vicinity of a comicbook store.
aurora: surely you must jest, my sweet. why there is no one else in the world but you.
..and greta and erika.
hahaha~! well, I have realized, "wait. I dont really have a crush. hahaha! mistaken identity!"
so you must be as relieved as i am. I hope such stupid thoughts never cross my mind again.
kuya: I'm interested in no mere man. however intersted in hot sexeh men that love making out to each other.
...
repeating myself: haha I dont think i have stated something clearly.
the guy who was touchy-feely with me is someone a lot of girls find creepy and a lot of guys find annoying. I dont want him to be touchy feely with me. I absolutely dislike him and well, bob and chirs understands that. hell, I told him to go take a bath once.
but as for anything non-hygenic, i have no idea.
Bob. hmm.. I shall call him bob the bear. he's a good friend who punches whoever i ask. mostly because i'm 'god' in his cellphone. and josh is his jewish buddy. and they're both filled with useless information.
but basically bob is awesome because he looks out for me and bob is like a cuddly bear that can kill people. I would have been his little sister if I werent older than him. >_>;
see? meeting people in the cafeteria isnt that scary.
yet. and no, aurora. I will not marry nor date a white boy. NEVER! As long as there's blood in my veins, I will never have a relationship with a white boy. I'm pretty sure, and hope, that i do have a good sense of control. but sadly, I'm really weak when it comes to punching people and punching guys in the cafeteria just proves how flimsy my muscles are.
but hey. its not bad for someone who doesnt exercise at all damn it!
and thats where bob comes in. BWAHAHA!! I think he enjoys it anyway.
I have yet to tell them, "I'll be going home to the philippines now where I'll be sleeping overs at my friend's house and having pillow fights and random make out sessions. you guys enjoy your time in sucky america."
I'm very much surprsied that my number of friends are growing. I like keeping a small number of friends.
very. so this is odd. but I only talk to a very small bunch of their barkada. like 3 our of 14. mostly because I dont like to talk to people I'm not interested in and have to exert extra effort in it.
but I'm doing this mostly because,
SOME PEOPLE are RARELY
ONLINE!
...
and so my friend, chris, is pissing me off. We were talking about naruto and well, his favorite character is Sasuke. and he went on about how cool sasuke is, how he;s the most powerful character in the story and how he's so important that kishimoto is making a seperate manga just about him.
I was too enraged to have a stupid argument on why sasuke sucks. because its so simple.
sasuke's a jerk. that's why he's not cool. he's not even a cool jerk like his brother. he's not even as hot as his brother. he's the fucking
fuck toy of orochimaru!
but on a lighter note, I might be going to the otakon (anime convention in maryland) this year. and I am thinking of 1/2 cosplaying.
meaning, I'll wear something weird but not representing any character. so it's like playing dress up. it would be nice if sensei franco was here because he's awesome when it comes to costumes.
If I can cosplay, I would like to cosplay as my balldate's balldate. =D and I would bring my balldate along <3 but alas, aurora is not in america *fumes*
or maybe I"ll just go in my poveda uniform and have people mistake me for a table cloth. I have no idea. I dont know who I'll be going with too. there are two groups of people I can be going with and I'm pretty sure I've got a place to crash in my aunts house. (which is sweet <3)
If i would cosplay a character, it would be chouji from naruto. I mean, I basically got the round face down. but everything else is off. >_>
Saturday, March 25
|
Fatima: I'm not an alcoholic, I'd just like to pretend reality doesnt exist when im conscious. hahaha.
yes. indeed. drinking must ensue. I would be very happy if that were so. and yes. I do love itchy worms. I"m still loving "ilalim ng buwan." and completely lacking the album.
Kuya: self-loathing started a long time ago. I'm kinda switching between one extreme from the other when it comes to life perspectives. I believe that I will be rich, powerful and awesome but will die forgotten in a dirty ditch and no one can find my body.
Erika: you gaining? but what happened to all that walking around up? and getting food poisonings from too much isaw?
I too miss naruto and the "OHMYGOSH I HAVE TO KNOW!" factor of it *le tear*. but I dont know if I grew up from it or its becoming pretty annoying. and I have heard that there is a death note movie. I just havent seen the trailer. I love the website though. I havent watched the first battle royale so I cant relate.
watching mean girls was very... brain rotting. the only thing I liked about it is when that guy went up to the main character and said, "I'm sorry but I only like colored women."
everything else sucked. but thank you. I'm still trying to solidify the idea. I dont know how. I'm building the characters though. and I would like a lot of help from various people for short stories that would help build around it. because different perspectives are nice to see and try out.
and I really would like the whole thing to work if i was less distracted by a personal problem...
...
I watched V for vendetta with some friends. it was... it was above average. around C+/B. It made me want to read the comic. I mostly liked the eariler part when he had this speach for natalie portman which mostly consisted of words that started in V. I was mostly disturbed by the love between those two. It was... It was wrong.
as we exited the theaters, it was suddenly swarmed with children coming out from "She's a man." Which I praise bob, josh and james for vocalizing "WHERE THE FUCK DID THESE KIDS COME FROM?!"
...I was thinking of that but i didnt want to say it. because you know... I'm foreign. I'll wait till i become a citizen before I can start verbalizing such thoughts. since I think my status makes me lack "freedom of speech" or something. and of course, people look down on the short, can be deported asian. I am a many types of minorities roled into one.
We went to the dinner and I was treated to josh's left over meatloaf and ice cream and mostly because I ordered just soup (I'm poor) and they ordered a heafty amount of food.
bob: people who torture their servants then treating them nicely afterwards, makes them loyal to their masters.
candalf: why does that sound so familiar?
bob: It must be from your yaoi readings.
candalf: *GASP* oh my gods you're RIGHT! (thinks of attraction by gelfling)
It was an astonishing revelation. I also noticed that V had a similarity with shishi-o makoto. both burnt, alive, and hates the governement.
all in all, good movie + free food = awesome night.
~
plus, I completely admire bob for being nice enough to push this well known annoying guy named matt.
as i was sitting and fixing my jacket, matt came up behind me and--i think--tried to hug my head and said "hey, candalf. how are you doing?". I was obviously disturbed and thinking to myself, "be nice candalf lest he take your soul and make it a yu-gi-ho card."
I just nodded and smiled nervously and replied in a slightly weak, very uncomfortable voice.
bob was awesome enough to say, "she would be better if you werent creeping her out." and i was nodding my head. and he left.
thank you bob. (i know you dont know about this blog) but you're fucking awesome. I'd hi-five you but...yea.
...
I tried to read the comic version in a comic book store. I realized it was... VERY different. and ended up reading vol 9, 10, and 11 of fruits baskets.
OH MY GOSH! SUSPENSE!! I'm so excited. it actually has a freaking plot! I love it!
character dramas are so... my slice of cake. <3 sad thing about fruits baskets is that... the guys and girls almost look alike. seriously. lack variety.
I have finally seen all of the zodiac people and... hatsuharu's still hot. <3 second is momiji. kyo and yuki realized that they love tohru. and tohru is just being tohru.
yea. I kinda spoiled that didnt i. I dont care. I"m awesome. as I told lauren, "I dont think people find me attractive. but hell *shrug*, I'd do me."
BWAHAHA! though it is a visually disturbing process and lets not thinking deeply on that. maybe if i have a clone of myself though... ---WAIT. yea....
...
oh and:
surprise! a guy i thought i was attracted to--not liked mind you-- but was just plain attracted to is not what i thought was attraction.
I have become a lyric from a band whose name I forgot. "we're so in love with being in love."
rather, maybe I was surrounded by too many couples and have resigned myself to giving up my selfishness of myself. this is insane. the senseless promotion of the idea of love rather than love itself.
BWAHAHAHA! I'm still the master of my fate, the captain of my soul. I love me most and me alone. Take
THAT you over commercialized emo-disney dream!
Friday, March 24
|
I'm taking a friend's advice to lose weight: run 1 mile back and forth everday. I did try. I got tired in less than one minute and just walked back home.
its either that the air is so dry, it hurts to breathe when you're tired. I'll never get enough stamina. I complain.
so is the promise I made with greta to eat nothing but oatmeal for 2 weeks. such a promise that involves food would never last. its like the forbidden love I keep going back to.
I have 12 days and I still need to lose 10 lbs. If i can manage a pound a day, that would be awesome. but the how and the commitment is far from me.
...
and so, I have just been playing really old stuff over and over again. I planned to make a list and post a couple of songs to share. but that involves time and I am very lazy.
I was supposed to study the whole day yesterday but i didnt. I was too lazy. I didnt want to. Instead, I was chatting with a friend, looked up some sites and just played the guitar.
I'd like to consider myself special. sadly the world doesnt think so.
...
The world of naruto is cruel and unforgiving.
naruto isnt hot and sasuke's shadow isnt hot too. ;_; I prayed the day they'd turn bishounen.
everyone was right, naruto... just turned into another dragon ball. considering kishimoto's idols: akira toriyama and the creator of akira... his stories were bound to be like that.
but dragon ball didnt have an endless pond of tragic and hot characters. Honestly, I think trunks what the only hot guy in the whole anime.
some people in the anime club consider yu yu hakusho retarded. especially the himself-dubbed "manga king." well, I think the manga king can stick one up his ass for that one.
dont you dare insult a childhood anime. its the anime that was raging with the stereotypical "juvinile delinquent but actually sweet heart inside" and had one of the most popular yaoi couples of its time: kurama and hiei.
except for sailor moon. you can rip sailor moon apart for all i care.
...
constipation is not my friend.
as we were talking about stress management in school, the teacher was asking for examples of stressors.
I asked if constipation was a stressor. the whole class tried hard to surpress a laugh.
the day after that, my filipino seatmate, james, kept on asking me every morningif i was constipaded. and he said, "why am i even beside you?"
"...because theres no other seat? ^_^."
Tuesday, March 14
|
navi: I liked batman more than to write that fanfic. but you know if its going to piss you off... then...
I dont want deadlines. I'm too young for deadlines. I'm whiny. and and and I figure maybe I should quit school so i can work on this.
kuya: i dont want hepa ;_;
...
this is what i wrote 2 days ago that i forgot to post:
breakfast made me realize that I still havent recovered from saturday night's evil binge drinking.
oh my god. I was binge drinking. >_< I never thought this would happen to me. I feel like a statistic number---the whole ratio for college drinkers and partiers... eww... I'm... AMERICANIZED... --oh wait. I've been binge drinkin in the philippines too. I think I'm safe...
I dont even party! I dont go clubbing damn it! I sit around in cafe's and diners drinking tea and eating cheesy fries!!!
things that i noticed that I'm different from my cousins:
1. I'm admitfully agnostic
2. i hate rap
3. I dont go clubbing
4. I cant enter a bar (goes with number 3)
5. I dont like tight or extremely loose clothing.
6. I dont talk like a black guy
7. I can DRAW, BITCH!
8. I feel a sense of guilt when my parents give me money and i cant have them pay for rent if I ever move into an apartment
9. I didnt know my mom's financial status. >_>;
...
Yesterday ws a slightly scaring day. I accidentally walked into this lady using the toilet.
and thats the day when everyone in phily found me the weirdest girl. I cant handle nudity. YES. you heard me. people were telling me: you're going to be either an artist or a nurse! you're going to see a lot of people naked at one point.
I dont know. I'm not comfortable with it. people tell me, you need porn.
cant the world just accept it? nudity isnt really my thing! but I do realize that i have to just desensitize myself. ..however you spell that word. I dont know how thats going to happen but I think i can fake it come life drawing class.
and I would like to say, thats why the phrase "if your nervous, just imagine everyone in the crowd naked," doesnt work on me.
...
and so I have a list of things to be done. and for soem reason, I dont want to do it or i feel as if i have too little.
I just want to list a few things that i said when I was drunk in my cousins party so that maybe you can feel as ashamed of myself I i do:
1. I'm a racist and my cousin's white wife was there.
2. I told them that I"m always depressed (something i'd like to keep for myself)
3. something about seritonin... (sp?)
4. something about wanting to die. (and my aunt in the background goes: who is she talking to?)
do you feel the awesome reek and stink of SHAME?!
because
I do.
...
I've been listeningto my instrumentals lately, and I think music is ingenious. I wish I can also be an aspiring composer.
I have so many composers I idolize. All of them japanese, which is the weirdest thing. The thing about japanese stuff, comparent to american stuff, they're pretty blatant. However, being blatant is pretty strong. Like their music is simple, and it gives a lot emotion--- kinda like manga.
but american stuff... its something else. I cant really put my finger on it. American compositions and american comics are just damn different. they're not stylish. they're not blatant (but i think the spandex already says all).
being not blantant... is just not me. Hell, thinking is just not me. I dislike thinking a great load.
but I'm just telling myself, even though i do want to be a manga artist/comic artist, i still have to expose myself to things i dont like or things that are different so i can be better.
even if i dont want to.
and I'm a pretty "if I dont like it, i wont do it (after a while)" person. so so so I just hope this whole exposure thing wont back fire on me.
like you know, lets say, my drawing starts to suck. THERE. I'VE SAID IT. I'VE JINXED MYSELF!
so yea. I"m trying to be more laid back (like i wasnt) and a bit more less depressed (ok, that one I'll try) and hopefully, if i can afford pot, all will fall into place.
sweet~
...
before i forget, my imaginary lover, yasunori mitsuda, had a project called kirite with the writer of chrono trigger, yes? they made a book with an accompanying soundtrack.
and so on march 22, they'll be having a play for it. ;_; it costs $46 and its in japan.
CURSES!!!
I have really missed his work. and I'm very happy he's kinda popular as a freelance artist. I think around the time he quit, i stopped playing playstation. xenosaga was his work as a free lance artist.
I think he was really a jerk when he made that becuase it didnt sound nice. XP.
and all the assholes who thing xenosaga was awesome, its
NOT. but that's just my opinion.
I dont know how I'm going to do it, but one day, I"ll become super rich. I'll hold this concert thats not so big as to attract those copyright bastards of square enix, and I will have a videogame and anime music festival with the whole orchestra, jazz bands and celtic musicians.
and I will die happy.
Sunday, March 12
|
seriously, candalf. stop drinking.
I have summed it up that when i am drunk, I talk about my depressions and my problems and i end up into being this one messed up kid who just wanted to die crying all the way.
that is just so
embarassing. its hard to face your relatives the next time theres a party. I mean, sure your cousin now idolizes you for drinking more than him but seriously...
I still feel ill, i slept the whole day after and i still feel sick. >_< ITS NOT WORTH IT!
Wednesday, March 8
|
Erika: I love that you use big words when you congratualte me =D.
haha. i think there are enough smart people who counter-balance the stupid people. its just that hte smart people are corrupt or are yet to be easily swayed into corruption. but let me be, the word pretentious is my word of the year. just because my white friend uses it alot and I feel pretentious saying pretentious feeling as if I'm smart and i know what I'm talking about. (when we all know i dont.)
erika. ;_; dont turn vegetarian on me!
I appreaciate your greatestjournal invite and my unknowing on how to friend. i feel very much saddened. but I must say, lovely layout <3. I miss you + lovely layouts. I hope i can hire you one day and you'd give me a lovely discount. =D
Kuya: if I had a endless amount of bananas and pears, I think I'll be awesome. but bananas are constipating and pears make me go so they cancel out each other =/
er.. by spend energy, do you mean fine motor skills? I hope so because my fingers are doign all the excercising i can do. hahaha ^_^;;
wait.
"Do not cut away your habits cold turkey cause it will cause you to binge." ..what?
the trick is, tell mom after you get married and tell her that you'll still baptize your kids and make them suffer through catholic school just for her.
creepy how I'm seeing lola lucia's influence on tita and mom. O_o; did my senses heighten or are they playing the blatant cards?!
Navi: GASP! YOU'RE ON A DIET?! hmm. I think i understand. because pigeons look fat because of their feathers, your fur makes you look fatter than what you really are.
but it sounds like such a healthy thing. ^_^ I will try it but I dont know how to do that and "easing" it. hmm.. I'll have to switch the oatmeal and breakfast.
Kathy: Heyhey~ yes. at least I think I'm going to be. hahaha ^_^ nice hearing from you again! Thank you by the way. I hope you and gino are doing fine =D
Greta: I've been trying to diet before but theres just something about depriving myself of good food that i cant grasp.
greta, you're like soap opera cliche lines galore. <3 I worship your carrotness.
I was also surprised to read erika's posting O_o; its interesting to see her talk alot though. hahaha. bcause its actually possible. BWAHAHAHAHAHA@!!!
...
I love the support. I'm serious. keep it up. ^_^
I've slowly become more open to the idea of showing people my drawings. little by little, my innate reaction to slam my clearbook close in the hands of others have gradually let go of me.
I'm proud of myself for being more willing than usual. but apparently, thats not enough.
And its nice to hear that a person with a computer animation degree say that i have talent.
<3 because for a very long time, I automaticly think that people are just saying that to be nice (by filipino custom, unfortunately) and to not be automatically hated.
and for those who did support me the whole time, I'd like to thank you for still sticking there no matter how low my self-esteem was... were... was-were.
I'm getting better and I feel like I'm devolving back to my childhood. I remember when I was a kid i loved sailor moon so much and i said to my mom that if it doesnt become popular anymore, I'll revive it. After a few years later and being exposed to a hell load of animes i realized that sailor moon sucked.
and if i had a choice to revive an anime, it would be slayers-- straight from the novel. becasue the novel is ingenious.
and I will worship xelloss as if he would kill me if he were real. <3 i love him that much.
so shall start my journeying days as someome i dreamed of as a child. apparently, nursing will go make a prostate examination to itself.
and I have decided that breast cancer for men will be called, moob cancer. because... I'm not funny ;_;
so I hope I'll be happier now and less of an emo person i torture myself to be.
...
coloring is fun, but not when people give you a deadline. bastards.
well, I'll consider this a step to awesomeness. this... coloring step. you know what, i wasnt even really good with colored pencils or anything. color... color isnt my thing.
I mean, thats why I'm all for the japanese mangas damn it!
speaking of japanese, my classmate in anatomy and physiology has a son that's planning to go to japan and get his masters in animation.
I was all, "THE ASSHOLE!" and a little bit of "I completely envy." when i think about it thats... what i said when i was a kid. because you know, anime is made in japan and if i ever make any anime, I'll move to japan.
a bit of that. I think i was quite the... fortune teller as a kid. not really. but... well... never mind. I'm a bitter, poor asian. ;_; and I think people pick on me because of that.
but I Hate the idea (with a capital "H") of being grouped with the chinese and the japanese. but then again the americans will be grouped with the french. so...
I'm a horrible little racist. I can see 5 years from now, the FBI will all be about the getting rid of racists, and apparently will be racist to the racist foreigners soiling their dirty dirty country.
its in one of the amendments, bitch. freedom of speech. well, I lie. I dont know if its in the ammendment. its just a person al opinion.
dont kill me.
lest i call forth the unbelieveable, awesome and underestimated power of piracy by filipinos that will rob youze guys of millions!
...
problem again will be that if I ever do get into animation and video game design (i idolize daisuke ishikawa and tetsuya nomura, leave me be) i will have to move to california.
damn!
I dont want to move to california. even if alot of people that i know are in california. theres just something about it that pisses me off. i think i'm in the east vs west coast mentality.
which is compepletely gay by the way, but I'm brainwashed into it. I like phily and new york. and I kind of know people.
if I ever move into the west coast, it will be in a stalkable area of portland, oregonr where colin meloy and ben gibbs (dont kill me) will be in view.
because I'm a pervert and i believe in men being with men. I think its sexeh~ especially when they're fictional and not annoying and fully clothed.
and especially if its naruto and sasuke--- i lie. i think (blasphamey) naruto and itachi are a must. I remember I tried to pair up the justice league. I was going to go for batman/flash. but I think robin might kill me. that and they dont have that good of a chemistry anyway.
but the point was i liked both of them. <3 but lets not. because american comic yaoi is not as pretty.
...
I think comic characters should thank their colorists. because if it wasnt for the colorist, they would have their healthy shade of skin and gums, and they wouldnt have their pearly crest whitened teeth.
but maybe mutation has a play in having white teeth. I dont know how that happens. but i know that not a lot of japanese anime characters have teeth at all.
but there is no point to that at all. hahaha~
but yes. I think my main problem lately is... my colon.
I know i discussed about this before, but still. I thought if my colon would realize its errors, it would change. but instead, my colon is an asshole. well...
Saturday, March 4
|
this week has been hectic. i lie.
not really hectic but more of a weird one.
while everyone is nursing is preping for the big test, I am just... thinking of repiratory therapy and how everyone is so against it. you know what, its pissing me off. I think i'll just go to respiratory therpay just because everyone is fucking annoying.
its just a freaking back up/side job! its not a main job! ugh..
...
thursday was a salvation when lauren cancelled on her guy and we went to phily. (also i got my pics form the summer developed). that night, i met the my first neil gaiman american fan. he awefully looked like cain in sandman. he's learning to do stunts for a variety show next week and his stage name is jelly the clown. hahaha... jelly...
i met another person who is a friend of a friend of a friend, and is willing to hook me up to gorgeous softwares. <3 because I'm very poor. so for that I"m happy.
friday was march 3. it was yoji of weiss kreuz' bday and rinoa's of ff8. I dont know why i remember those things. but it was also my cousin's birthday: kuya alan.
food was enjoyed and so was the "grandchild" of the family, soby the dog. every family gathering that my cousin can attend, he brings soby and well, everyone loves soby. I love soby. and he'd skitter about and run and be all adorable and photogenic.
that was the same night I'm realizing that my aunt is the same as my mother. those words "you know, god only wants you to go to mass once a week. he's not asking for the rest of your days." my cousin was slightly defensive and was a pround non-practicing catholic.
he thinks priests are child molesters. and I think that's awesome.
for some reason, now that my mom knows about it, I'm all about being agnostic. I told my friend's mom, and my aunt. (rather my cousin said it out loud) its like being gay, you're freaking out of the closet and you're proud of it and its just so liberating.
this has been a pretty ok year: I'm free of nursing and free of being a catholic. but I still think my mom is dragging me to church when she gets here. I'm thinking a long talk will do us good. maybe. I dont know. becuase I'll bring her to phily and if she pisses me off, she wont know the way back home.
...
I need to lose 20lbs in a month. many say that is impossible. I think so too. I think that the whole world should grow obeise so that i will be thinner by compoarison. YES! that's the key!
and so far I havent been doing anything to fix my diet. I think I"ll go on a fruit diet. but worried that my body might go into shock. it loves its meat oh so dearly.
so far everything thats chaotic in the outside world is starting to simmer and the stress in school is coming to a boil and for some reason I'm being too lax. I dont know why. its kind of bothering me.
theres that slow sinking feeling of something going on and I'm the only one that doesnt know it.
I'm seriously, frustrated about being too relaxed and not caring. meh. I was kind of hoping the end of the world would happen sometime next week. Just hoping. hoping never really hurt anyone anyway. because i feel like I'm stuck in limbo.
cheers to that.
