Saturday, December 31
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Aurora: I know, but its like I want to make sure if its right for me. Ah the sweet expectiations of the free life. it might actually be a horrible thing but just dreaming about it gives me hope.
and why ruin a good dream? so I'll be more happy with nursing.
you're evil. you're pro my american voice?! c'mon aurora. thats just not nice. I didnt so many examples of it infront of all my relatives and parents so many times. my mom finds it funny.
oh my freaking god. what does he have to fill up 400gigs? aside from probable porn. DAMN IT WOMAN! YOU'RE the one who should get that.
actually I dont know aobut the stuff in the office. >_>;; you might. when i go to the philippines I swear to get it back for you.
email is cheaper sweetie. I check my email all the time now. especially my gmail. hahaha. I"m waiting for my insurance so, it sucks to be me. but point is that you're gorgeous and I'm very tipsy.
Erika: Apprently I have a three-way between theater, art and sociology.
I love the line: "the word molecular facinates me." because its like "hahaha it has 'mole' in it".
thats true .survivor and fight club were very similar in a sense. i feel cheated because of that. damn you. but i still love his voice in writing. but still, the downward spiral of self destruction? kinda repetitive. but yes. I still fall for it. I was talking to my other sensei and he was telling me that most of his still are pretty unbelieveable but he adds alot of facts and alot of research to it to make it believeable.
I was worried about that too. long term memory... well, I'll put it on luck even though i would love to taste the good life, my talk with my momsey realized that i just need one sem or jsut the summer at least.
i curse the standards of life stories. they're all pretty cool. and me just typing and farting at the same time can never add to the level of coolness that i want. but damn it woman. I can also imagine you in a call center. apparently whatever major you're in, you can actually end up in call center-ing.
oh erika, dont you want to be le cool too? but you're already cool now so you have to tell me you're secrets.
...
Oh new years eve, I was planning to spend some alone time with it drinking in the darkness of my room. but no.
I started drinking at 5pm that lasted up to 11pm (last time i checked) I turned drunk. And I know everyone laughed at that fact.
My lola was there with her son and white girlfriend. My auntie and her husband and child was there. My ate nene and her white husband was there. They were all there to laugh and find some sort of amsusement in my drunkenly manor.
Personally I thought I was extra tipsy. but later on in the eve, as I recall trying to explain to my dad an artcle i read about mania and creativity, as i recall fucking up my favorite song in the guitar infront of all of them (everyday is like sunday) even before that. I do recall telling my dad in my rant. "you're not really listening to me are you? you just want to sleep and you just think that I drunk too much."
and I'm happy with the fact that he said. "yes. I am tired and i want to sleep and I'm not really listening." I think he brought me upstairs at that point. I remember losing my balance. I remember vomiting on the carpet. I remember crying to my mom that I'm an aweful child for making her scrub the carpet clean. I remember my mom hugging me as I was sobbing near new year midnight like a little girl again and my mom was hugging me and telling me everythings going to be ok.
They didnt about giant rabbits or peoples fat turned into soap. I even tried to slip to my mom that I didnt want to go to church anymore. but she still wanted me to. EVEN WHEN I"M FREAKING DRUNK!!
and that secretly pissed me off to no end. but I was still sobbing and partly sad about the other things.
I remember "the Candice" was particularly in demand last night. A drink I was drinking since 5pm that lasted on until the least i can remember. A drink I made myself. Citrus rum + peach tree + strawberry daquiry mix + tropical splash + some vodka.
When all the rum finished. I used the expensive russian vodka that my sis ters fiance gave my dad. I feel bad and guilty for finishing 4/5ths of it.
Everyone knew i was drunk. Everyone who knew lolo dolpho related me to lolo dolpho, the only relative of mine that is an alcoholic.
I drin kfor two purposes: to make time pass, and to beat erika one day. DAMNIT!
my stomach is still unhappy at this 7am in the morning. i remember after all the sobbing and crying my mom invited me to sleep beside her and we had a long conversation after that. I asked her alot of questions and my dad would interupt once in a while to tell me to sleep already.
I cant sleep. my eyes opened at 6:30. My bare legs freezing without a blanket. How did I even get into my moms's night gown? How did they change me out of my clothing? HOW?! WHEN?! I dont remember damn it. for me its almost like pulling a rabbit out of a hat because its a fucking miracle that happened in an instant.
but like i said, my stomach is unhappy. greta is not online. no one that i like is online.
ah, chuck palahniuk. ah, donnie darko. destruction is a form of art. an out pouring of sanity thought to be rambilings of a drunken fool. right now, with me i have a cheap platic container that we get from chinese stores. its just right beside me waiting till i puke again.
...
I'm at awe and surprise that people have come here to post again on this almost dead blog.
for a while I've really not felt like posting. and I've really not had anything to say to anyone. and I've been really confused whether I'm antisocial or just extremely shy.
have you ever felt like you just woke up but you're already awake? that feeling has been occuring lately with the words "what the fuck am i doing?" followed with, "I just want to go home, crawl in my bed and never get up."
and lately its nice to hear people talk about their problems because i feel as if I'm not alone in the 'one sided college drama.' hahaha. I think thats kinda bad of me. but its nice to just listen.
but point is i really appreaciate the encouragement. and incase i kill myself for some reason I wont really know-- I'll tell you the two happiest moments in my life: when i spend my time with you'ze guys (lets not get all mushy now). and when my mom told me that she hates my sister and called her a bitch.
there was some sort of self satisfaction there. *dreamy sigh* thank you world.
...
As for Naruto. The gay character with the middriff who is a total rip off of soujirou, completely pisses me off.
and I love how naruto loves sasuke. but sasukes a bastard and doesnt derseve that love.
I think my only sad thing about naruto now is that kabuto will die. ;_; he cant die. he's too hot to die!!! and he had this expression where he had the kindest face ever. ;_; the fucking world is cruel!!!
and orochimaru's a fag!
Friday, December 23
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aurora: you know... you really have to format that laptop. better yet, get an external hard drive <3. I think you need it more than i do. actually we both need it as much =_=.
I wo-- wait, what? the one with erika's stuff? thats in manila =x. in the office. ...I think. I forgot how it all went. @_@ how about the stuff you told me to download. did you want that?
curses!!! I actually gained weight. damn mom. ever since she came here, I've never went hungry. I wake up still full and i eat like 2 plates of whatever she made. and YES! I like bacon!! ALOT!
yea it did ^_^ I just kinda misplaced the button >_>;; I havent fixed it yet. but as for the glasses, apparently switching the lese will cost $180. and thats more than what i paid for the glasses!!!
oh my gosh!! DID YOU GO?!!! you have to tell me!!! I tried to email you, text you, call you (i think your dad picked up and wanted to get back to sleep =_=;;;) and so i finally caught greta online and she told me she'll tell you. and I messeged erika and she told me she answered the message too late.
;_; I'm sorry. I wanted you to pick mine up for me. but I'm curious as to if you went or not. I said that you should go if joey is going, or anyone else you like. as to get away from horse-face and laugh behind her back.
I'm using the same cell. I feel weird placing it online, I'll just send it to you.
curse your internetlessnes!!!
Erika: dude.. there was a guy in just is tighty whities!!! (eww...) and i was pushed against him. but yes. I feel so satisfied surviving that. I feel like a veteran concert goer now. it was fun in its own weird way since everyone was kind of in a high.
but the next time I'm going to a concert with a mosh pit, I"m renting out the nearest hotel room and bring out the perfumes and flowery bath gels. coz they fucking stink!
thank you. my glasses will be sent back to the philippines for repair. I always planned to steal american resources since they're too expensive to buy.
isnt it too early to shock them with something? you've only been in college for 2 years.
wait, why borrow the year book when you can ask someone to get it for you? (aurora~) well, I have a perfectly good excuse. and you! well... I mean, you already paid 1500 for the damn book you have to pay 200 to claim it, what the fuck?! just give us the damn book!
you'll borrow someone elses yearbook? just for browsing? damn it woman! how about a printed rememberance of the 1500 you freaking paid!!! (<-- love money)
...
I'm very much sorry for not updating this for a while. I've got alot of things running around my mind; which is the ever so popular nursing course that I'm entering.
I mean, theres so much requirements and the people who are to fill those requirements are not helping.
...
chuck palahniuk is a god. Like a child, my mind is easily molded by his ideas. Fight club has opened my eyes to most things.
and can i day, the ending of the book is way more kickass than the movie? it creeps me to no end. <3
nad so I might have announced that for a year, I'll be taking one year off of nursing in an attempt to pursue the whatever artistic soul that i might have.
yes. I'll be moving to north jersey for a year and after that I'll go back here and continue my nursing.
I mean, i hate nursing.
then another part of me says, maybe you'll grow to like nursing. and that i should keep an open mind about it.
then i thing again: well, the reason why i close it out is because i hate it.
and it kinda goes over and over.
=_=;; why oh why?
...
just the other day at work i saw dave, the 1/4 jap guy from my class last sem, with his girlfriend. i found it kinda amazing how he would stand there and pose and look so perfect doing it. and going "Hey Candice, (with his very stoned voice)" at the same time.
I kinda didnt recognize him at first because he looked different. but point is that, i called him the next day just checking in. he told me that he got accepted in the University of Arts in Phily for Graphic Design, and his band is starting their own label.
and I cant help but feel... both envy and admiration to the guy. I want to bury a hole, crawl in and die. thats how pissed i am about myself.
and it troubles me that... I feel like Im not doing anything awesome. and i know the answer to that-- sadly. the reason why i can never leave nursing.
and I'm slowly thinking that I'm making life more difficult by adding some one sided drama to it all. I'm guilty for that I think. the whole "nursing vs. art" syndrome.
...
so far everytime I come home from work I just want to sleep. work is tiring. I should record you guys my voice when i work. its very very american and so-- according to my mom-- tele marketer. haha.
*tear* i suck. noo. I need the money!! oh yes. I'm getting you guys presents. so please when i tell you, come over to my house and just pick it up ok?
Friday, December 2
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Aurora: Aww! dont you trust my driving skills? ^_~
Yey! for a second you made it sound like I'm going to eat colin, neil and whats-his-name. O_o. I dont eat white people. I conquer them!!!
layely megaupload is slow for me. but zupload? never tried that yet. but maybe =D and Ooo~ I might be able to send you your stuff now! I have one gig worth of it, the stuff you asked me to download that is. hahaha
I havent seen you online lately ;_; muy sad.
I think I'd eat the tub full of jellibeans <3 or even better, bacon. <3 a tub of bacon *drool*
kuya: well, I was bored at the moment and I felt like asking a psychic. I find it amazong hwo they are vaguely right about everything else but the future. at that point they are having the nostradamus thingy- where its so vague it can be applied everywhere.
I have decided that I will let the wind take it's course. yey~!!
kuya, the guy bashing did get in. that's why I'm completly into gay men <3 this is your doing. and anime's.
aurora, if I ever turn into a dyke, you're my first choice *wink* and then greta, then erika, then... uhh... however the soap opera goes.
...
speaking of dykeness...
there is a female version of queer as folk in Showtime (the channel that made queer as folk) it is muy... i-cant-watch. I didnt by the way, I just saw the commercial becuase I've never heard of "The L word" before. so be warned of the series called "the L word"
...
Against Me ConcertAs you know, I'm not a punk person--Expecially not into the hard core underground punk scene. However I did go to such a concert because of Lauren, my bandmate.
We had a deal, she'll go with my to the Iron & Wine concert if I'll go with her to the Against Me Concert. And so there I was, in a small theater filled with punk kids, majority of them looked like a duplicate of themselves. Same piercings and tunnels. Same black sweater and skin tight pants. One thing I noticed was that none of them, compared to the emos, are wearing glasses. that I kinda wondered. I thought I was the only one in the line wearing glasses.
I remember that when I lined up for the decemberists there were so many people wearing glasses. And obviously, some of them wear it not because they need it, because it looked good on them. and that pissed me off.
But moving on, they had three opening bands. The second one kinda stirred a mosh pit in the center. Then I was kinda weirded out because,
holy fuck! theres gonna be a mosh pit?!! then I scanned my head with any information about mosh pits. I remember when I saw in concerts it was only close to the center. the very line in the front wasnt moving. so I thought if I just stuck to the front, I wouldnt be bothered.
but alas, as Against Me came on I was pushed from the front to the middle to the right end of the floor. and on the way, I fell a couple of times right on the floor. But it was so awesome to have someone pull you up again and smile at you as they were doing it.
At one point I lost my glasses. YES. my super expensive tetsu imitation glasses. Good fucking lord I wanted to cry. this big guy, I dont know if he was part of the control group or part of the audience, tried to steady everyone in the "typhoon" and seeing as I was distressed asked what was wrong.
I motioned a pair of glasses out of my hands and he made everyone steap out into a circle and help me look for it. People were shouting left and right "it's gone, dude" and obviously, if you lost anything like that there, you'd expect never to see it.
However I was lucky. They found my glasses and another person's glasses. I thanked the dude and moved out of the scene utterly saddened by the sight of my glasses. the 'unscratchable' lens (rather the multi coating for it) are scratched and bruised. the handles are broken and disfigured.
;_;
Stupid girl i was, I decided to look for lauren in the crowd to tell her that I"m going to go wait in the side. And so I went back in, and I couldnt find her anywhere. but what I did see were people already in the shkimmies, people close to unconciousness still chanting about only alive in motion from the pushing and pulling. I had my face slammed at the back of some sweaty punk white guy. Not only that, I was in the center, I thought I was going to die of heat and strange smells.
EW.
I gave up looking for her and resided on sitting on the floor at the otherside of where i came from. I guess my only problem was the weird looks people are giving me. One of the reasons why I didnt enjoy this was that I look like a poser.
but I'm not, because I'm not a punk fan. and look at my attire, Its muy fashionable compared to the le punk uniform. I'm not all about the anarchy and 100 decibles-too-loud music that would cause permanent ear damage. No! I like mellow music. because all that people do is just bounce and its not deafening. and I can actually understand the words they say. I was never interested in the punk scene. but i did discover that even anarchists can be nice.
but point is that i couldnt tell myself that "Oh so the lesson was never go to a punk concert" because I NEVER WANTED TO!!!
Another sad thing that came out of this concert is that one of the buttons to my Topshop military jacket is missing. this the snag for it is sadly bouncing around whilst i walk.
;_; I will never go to a punk concert again. maybe i would have enjoyed it if my glasses and my jacket werent involved. Maybe i would have enjoyed it if I liked the band. the pushing and pulling was fun at a point.
my bandmate however, came out with torn shoes (canvas), bruised feet and looked like she had an orgasm. (not like I exactly knew what that looked like)
Now it makes sense why punk people wear second hand clothing all the time and why they dont wear glasses like the emos. Their clothing always gets wrecked. MY FUCKING BUTTON WAS OFF!!! and MY GLASSES ;_;
I REALLY REALLY LIKED THOSE TWO!! because i spent alot of money on that. and obviously if you spend alot of money on something you're like "are you sure you want it?" and its an obvious YES! I DO! I'll WEAR IT EVERYDAY!!
and I think that's where it went wrong...
hmm.. I think i also contributed to the smell in the punk concert. I kept on farting.... I blame lauren's mom! her soup... made me extra gassy...
